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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Love for cousin at this age not sure what should i do

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Hi all,

Good to see some nice love story in this forum.

Finally i feel to share my feelings too...

I lost my mom when i was one yr old. I had a very tough childhood, as my dad remarried. Due to the torture of my step mother, i married my friend against my family wish. Years passed never met my cousins for near 7 years.

Then one day i was invited for my cousin's marriage (my father's cousin brother's daughter). There were i met my mama (father's sister's son) who was 9 years elder to me- he is also happily married now.

During our young age, i hardly spoke to him, as he was elder to me & i alway had loads of respect to him & more over our grand parents wanted my elder cousin to marry my mama, due to some reason that marriage never happened. 

In my cousin's marriage when i met my mama, we shared our number- after 3 days he called me, then when he said that my mom's last wish was that i marry my mama, but i wasn't aware of this till when my mama said this to me. And he also mentioned that as he knew the promise he was liking me & wanted to marry me. Due to some family issues he wasn't able to tell me this before our respective marriages.

Now that, i came to know about my mom's last wish & my mama was liking me. We chat with each other of hrs together, and he mentioned that i need to feel his love that's it. And we don't want to distrub our respective marriages also. And even i feel good talking to him, as there is none other person to talk apart from him. I mean he is my blood related person with whom i can talk, as i wish too.

From my heart, i dont have any love feeling for him, but i like him as my cousin, he still loves me & he wish that i tell him I LOVE YOU atleast once in his lifetime thats it. But he is also very clear that this would be only talking, no physical relations, only emotional bonding.

Is it wrong to talk to him who has a feeling for me.

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we don't want to distrub our respective marriages

Firstly, you are both married, so you need to focus on your own marriages.

From my heart, i dont have any love feeling for him,

Secondly, you if you don't have feelings for him, you don't have feelings for him.  There is no need to ever say "I love you" to him, even if you said it in a platonic setting, it would only confuse the issue.

Thirdly, your post is a bit confusing, although I think I was able to get the heart of the matter from what you wrote.  Who exactly is "mama"?  Is mama a name for the cousin that likes you?

he said that my mom's last wish was that i marry my mama
 

Fourthly, I find it convenient that no one ever said a word to you about your mom's last wish until now - and he is the one to mention it.  I'm not sure where you live, and maybe this is the norm where  you are, but it seems odd that a mom's last wish would be that her 1 year old child would marry a particular person sometime down the road.  Like I said, I don't know your culture, but as a mom myself, if I were dying and had a baby at home, I would not use my last breath to talk about who this child would one day marry.  Again, maybe I don't understand the culture, but it seems odd to me that THIS is the last wish a dying mom had for her baby girl.

Is it wrong to continue to talk to him?  Not necessarily.  But it might not be the wisest thing to do either.  If he is trying to woo you away from your husband, then you need to stop talking to him.  If you have no romantic feelings for him and he does, then you may be stringing him along, and giving him false hope. I would stop talking to him and focus on making my marriage stronger.  I think you are walking into a hornet's nest by continuing to chat with him.

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I find it convenient that no one ever said a word to you about your mom's last wish until now - and he is the one to mention it.

Yeah, me too. He's lying. If he isn't lying it would be easy to find out! Just ask around the family! He would not be the only one to know. Your dad seems a good bet to ask. But if your cousin is the only one who heard this supposed last wish, then it's safe to assume he's lying.

You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to. Also, it is not wrong for you to talk to him as well! Just be yourself.

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the guy sounds like a total creep to me. why would you want to talk to someone who is married to one woman, trying to schmooze you away from your husband, lies like a dog about some dying wish your mother wouldn't have possibly made about you two marrying when HE was entering puberty and YOU were still pooping in your diapers? you need to tell this guy to get lost and block his number. if you want to feel good about telling your deepest darkest secrets to some blood related person, then find a female cousin or aunt that you can be best friends with. or better yet, share your innermost thoughts and feelings with the man you married. but this creep you are talking to now is only going to exploit everything you say to him in an effort to get a bit of nookie.

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