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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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恋しいのうめ

Our Story/Update

4 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Hi everyone! I haven't been on in quite a while but a lot has happened within the past few years. I haven't fully told our story but I got the go ahead from my cousin, now husband, to do so. First here a few facts:

We are first cousins, our mothers are sisters

We live in the USA but we're of Filipino descent

We are 5 years apart and our birthdays are 3 days apart

Ok here's our story...

It all started a few years after his family moved from the east coast to the west coast. His mom wanted to be with her side of the family, our shared family. I was a junior in high school and he was working nights at a job that my mom helped him get. We were already close because we shared the same interests, so we would spend time with each other both during family gatherings and on our own. Occasionally he would pick me up from school and spend time at my parents house since it was on his way to work. He'd also occasionally sleep on the couch at my parents house if he was too tired to drive home after he got out from work. Since he was around more often we got closer.

My birthday comes around and we had a party at my parents house. He asked me what I wanted and I told him I wanted to go to Disneyland. So he asked my mom if he could take me the day after and she said okay. So we spent the whole day there and it felt like a date. I already had a bit of a crush on him at that point but this day my feelings for him grew into love. A few months later our families took a vacation to the beach. We visited landmarks around the area and during the car rides we would listen to music on my iPod, which involved sharing my headphones and sitting close to each other. The close proximity and spending time with each other that weekend awakened his feelings for me.

We were texting each other a lot during the day and calling during the night after he got home from work and everyone's asleep. A few months after the beach vacation we admitted that we have feelings for each other over the phone one night. He ended up visiting my parents house more frequently so he could see me. We would play video games together until he had to go to work. We grew even closer.

After my cousin got some advice from someone he broke off our relationship. He started to feel like what we were doing was wrong because of our relation and the age difference. He stopped texting me and avoided me at family gatherings He eventually stopped going completely until he brought a new girlfriend around the family. I eventually moved on with another boy and we drifted apart.

Fast forward a few years later when I was in my last years of college. My cousin was in a slump after his father passed away so he was going to community college part time. We started talking to each other again and got close. Since my school was close to his mother's house I would come visit during long breaks or after my classes were over for the day. We had a joint birthday party at his mother's house one weekend and we decided to try our relationship again. We realized our feelings for each other never really went away and we officially started dating.

Two years roll by and I have a falling out with my parents. I felt I had no freedom at their house even though I was in college. So I packed my important things and my cousin took me to his mother's house where he was living. She took me in for a year until she asked me to move out due to conflicts with my cousin's sister. I had graduated college and had a job at the time so I was able to rent an apartment with the help of one of my friends.

My cousin got a job at the recommendation of one of his teachers, so he was working full time and going to school. My friend moved out of the apartment and I was able to stay with my cousin helping me out with rent. Eventually he moved in and we lived together.

Two years and another apartment later we found out I was pregnant. We were really scared and uncertain of our ability to provide financially but we decided to keep it. We talked to a genetic counselor and she said we had nothing to worry about since our family doesn't have history of consanguineous marriages or genetic diseases. We got married at a courthouse with our closest friends present in April and had a normal, healthy baby boy last month. He is so smart and is developing so fast!

Yesterday my husband decided to tell his mother about our son since he turned a month old. He wanted his mother to be part of our son's life. He tried to do it without revealing me as the mother but she kept pressing the issue. Once he told her she did not take it well at all. She said a lot of messed up things: our child's life is ruined, I ruined both her life and my husband's life, we made the wrong decisions, etc. Basically his mother doesn't want to acknowledge our son as her grandson and thinks he's a bastard child. She thinks our marriage is invalid and my husband should leave me and our son to save face for himself and for her reputation. Despite all the terrible things she said my husband stood his ground telling her he won't give up on us and he loves us. She told him she will keep everything a secret but she doesn't condone what we're doing.

We both knew the price we would pay for our decision to be together, but my husband is still angry and upset about the way his mother took the news. He regrets telling her and doesn't stop thinking about it. We know our children may have a hard time because people don't understand us. We have been raising our son with the knowledge of our relationship so he won't feel ashamed of his roots. I hope he will grow up with an open mind and thick skin.

My parents don't know anything about us or our son to this day. I haven't spoken to them in almost 3 years and I don't plan to ever after what happened with my husband's mother. Our mothers don't speak to each other so there's no chance of my parents finding out through his mother.

Even though we don't have support from our families we have friends that accept us and are basically our family. Despite the rough situation we're in we are happy together and we love our son. 

Edited by 恋しいのうめ
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your son will be fine. and if you and your husband stay strong, so will the two of you. and now that i've read your whole story, i'm going to say that his mom, like any other american mom, will eventually accept it once she realizes she can't control the two of you and force you to split up. it might be rocky for a bit, but i can't imagine that she'd permanently reject her grandchild.

i have five grandkids... my youngest daughter was still in high school when she got pregnant with the oldest grandson. no matter how much i disagreed with how he came to exist, i love him every bit as my other grandchildren. if your mother-in-law refuses to be a part of his life, she's missing out on one of the biggest blessings ever. but don't let her destroy YOUR blessings along the way. your child needs both his parents. and you both need your child. make sure that stays the priority. no matter how dramatic everything else gets, the three of you need to be your own little sanctuary from the rest of it.

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I probably should have put that we are of Filipino descent in the list of facts. Since our parents are from the Philippines they still have the traditional thinking of the country; relationships between cousins are considered taboo. If his mother ever does come around it will most likely be a very long time from now.

Lady C thank you for the reassuring words. I definitely agree and we are taking refuge in each other and our friends that support us. Our son is our highest priority and we can't afford to let this get to us, especially if we want him to be strong.

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i hope you stick around here and get to know us better!

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