恋しいのうめ

Cousin's/Husband's Mother Knows About Us

3 posts in this topic

So I posted my story in the "Our Love Stories" section, which you can find here: 

I mentioned at the last part that my husband/cousin told his mother about our relationship and our son a few days ago, which she did not take well at all. She does not want to have anthing to do with our son and refuses to acknowledge him. She thinks I'm responsible for ruining both her life and my husband's life. I don't care what his mother says about me. What I do care about is leaving her in a difficult position in our family and how much it affects my husband.

Our shared side of the family is so traditional we have our own political arena. My husband's mother is already a family pariah because she took me in during my time of need. My mother is in the inner circle of the family. If people find out about our relationship both my parents and his mother's reputation would be ruined. However, it would affect his mother more because she took me in and our relationship was happening under her own roof. It will make her look stupid.

My husband has been feeling very anxious about his mother's reputation within the family. He sort of regrets telling her because she could have at least denied it had she not known and people tried to ask her about it. His mother told him she would keep quiet about the matter and we've been careful to avoid anywhere our family might go; the chances of them or anyone she knows finding out are pretty slim. He also worries about her health. She brought up that she's going to need to scream in her car to stay sane and not being able to eat. He's starting to think his mom is right, that we may have cursed ourselves and our children.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, how did you deal with it?

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plum, i really don't know anything of your culture... i'm assuming from your name (the font) that you are of asian descent? i'm sorry i'm not familiar enough to know exactly what language that is. but i do see that you're living in the united states. and THAT is something i am familiar with.

now, i'm politically incorrect, just as my title says, and i tend to say things rather bluntly. but i also understand that my solution may not be at all practical (or even possible) for your husband's mom. but if i were the one wearing your shoes, i'd tell my aunt and my husband that they need to tell the rest of the family to shove it and take their drama elsewhere. i know that may sound unreasonable, but i can't think of a better way to regain not only control of the situation, but some sanity as well.

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We are of Filipino descent but my screen name is in Japanese. We know the rest of our family is against us having a relationship because my mom spread rumors around the family about us being together and we were able to get a glimpse of their reactions. People did not take it well even if they didn't believe the rumor. We denied the rumors, even though they were true, to save face for ourselves and my husband's mother. My mom doing what she did and not believing me was another reason why I had a falling out with her.

I appreciate your blunt response. My husband and I are pretty blunt people so I can understand you're trying to help. I would love nothing more than to tell off my entire family but the political nature of our family prevents me from doing so. I just told my husband that if his mother and our family are going to be that negative towards us I don't want to surround our son or future children around that. They are already going to have to deal with stupid strangers who don't understand I don't want to add our family to that. So I've just been trying to be strong for my husband and son telling them that everything will be alright if we will it to be. I feel like that's all I can do.

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