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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Where do I go from here?

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Hi all. I am new to this forum, so thanks for being here. I am 42 and I have recently found out that my 53 years old cousin has had an interest in me for about 20 years. A little background..... Our families were kind of close growing up, but, he was never a part of it really. When he turned 18, he joined the military and stayed away from the family for his own personal reasons. I was about 7 at the time. I barely remember him at all. I know his name more as a cousin than him personally. I can count on 1 hand the number of times I know we were even in the same room together. Recently, I talked to a couple of other cousins and we decided to work on a family reunion. That is how he and I made contact again. In fact, we have been on each others facebook friends list for years. We just never talked more than just a Hi how ya doing once or twice. At any rate, I messaged him about the reunion and we started talking. After a little while he ask me to just give him a call. It would be easier than typing all day. So of course, I gave him my number and told him to call me when he got the chance. A little while later, we were on a 2 hour call together. During this call, somehow we got on the topic of romantic interests. And he revealed to me his interest in me. I'm not gonna lie, I am just as interested in him. At this point we call each other daily, and spend countless hours chatting through text as well. We have agreed to meet up somewhere that if after spending time together we decide to move on to intimacy we don't have to worry about anyone seeing us. Our family would go balistic if they ever knew. There is a certain comfort when talking to this "stranger" for lack of a better way to refer to him, that I never ever felt with either of my ex husbands. I have 3 grown kids, and we share everything. We discuss ALL major decisions before they are made. I explained the relationship between him and I and they support me 100%. They say if it makes me happy then they are happy with him too and will help us keep our secret from the elders of the family until we are ready to come out with it. We know that if we ever went further than just physical, we would have to go to another state to be together. I was always raised that you never had relations with a cousin of any level. In the history of this world with all of the cousin marriages and such, would our love really be all that bad? I mean we are both way beyond the procreation points in our lives. In fact we were both surgically made sterile, so no babies. LOL. My confusion is.... If we fell in love and wanted to be together for the rest of our lives and grow old in each others arms? Would that really be so bad? Neither of us feel that we should be banned from loving each other because of something we had nothing to do with.

Would we really be so wrong to love and be happy together? 

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Well, we don't think there is anything wrong with the two of you living happily ever after if that is where the relationship ends up.  I'm happily married to my cousin and so are a bunch of other folks on this site.  

You can't worry about whether or not your family will go ballistic.  Sometimes things work out better than we expect and even if the worst case scenario happens and they cut you out of their lives for good, at least you would know for sure how important your happiness really is to them and you can move on.  When I told my family I was expecting a huge push back,  It went better than I thought.  My family has grown cold towards us over the last couple of years and really, that's ok.  My kids (now in college) have grown to accept my relationship with my cousin,  They're not all warm and fuzzy toward him, but they're polite and conversational and they are happy for me.  My cousin's dad is the real stick in the mud, although he did set aside his disapproval long enough to come to our wedding a few months back.    

We decided when we embarked on this relationship 3 years ago that we had postponed our own happiness for far too long.  We had chances over the years to be together, but I always let fear get in the way.  Once we decided to make a go of this, we never looked back.  If you decide that the relationship is worth the possible disapproval of your family, then just move forward and make the best of what the two of you have.  No one else gets to live your life or make decisions your for you.  

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