Jump to content
Meadows

My Cousin Life In A Big Nutshell... Sorry...

Recommended Posts

Hey, I'm a male approaching the age of 16 and I've been what feels like in love with my cousin (female also approaching the age of 16) for as long as I remember. 

So I posted on this site on New Years I believe (2016 for future readers) on a separate account, but I forgot what is was, so I'm just gonna restate what was in that post into here and ramble on about facts that probably don't matter to the overall issue. Anyways, I mainly talked about how I used to see my cousin all the time, but then it dropped to 4-5 times a year. Fortunately, it's once a month now. Once we both went into puberty - which mainly hit around 7th grade - we stopped talking to each other as frequently until we just didn't talk at all. Once our entire family (on my mom's side) decided to have weird get togethers every month earlier this year, my cousin and I started talking more frequently unless my other cousins (my mom's brother's kids, my cousin crush is my mom's sister's daughter) are around - because they kill the mood and are really awkward and weird. I'm basically saying I can't speak to her unless we're alone.

One time when we were walking to her house from the get-together thing, I brought up the fact that we never spend anytime together like we did years ago. She agreed and we exchanged numbers (I never got it before because I think it's awkward to randomly ask for people's numbers with no context). However, when I texted her if she wanted to do some stuff (whatever people do with their cousins in public), she didn't respond ever. The next time I saw her, I mentioned her not responding to my text in a joking manner, so she laughed. We went into this whole discussion on how since neither of us can drive legally ourselves, there was no point in doing anything because our parents were always too busy to drive us anywhere. (We live half an hour away from each other). I also found out from her that she just lays in bed all day because she has no transportation to go anywhere.

i also mentioned in my forgotten post about my cousin, her sister and my aunt making jokes about me being a "ladies man" every time I hugged my cousins. I don't know what they're trying to imply because I've never told anybody about my attraction to my cousin, so they can't possibly be referring to that to make fun of me. My aunt even said during last year's thanksgiving that my cousin and I would make a cute couple. Again, I've never told anybody about my feelings for her, so the only two reasons I can think of that she would ever make such a comment out of nowhere is: 1) My mom somehow found out through possible iCloud search history crap and told my aunt so she could tease me, or 2) My cousin has feelings for me and my aunt was teasing her. My cousin did go completely silent after my aunt made that comment and looked away from me entirely... So...

They're all just really confusing me because they're VERY religious, and the way they keep saying things like that doesn't really correspond to their religious following (Christianity, I don't know which branch... Just Christians). I, however, am not religious whatsoever even though my family has no idea about that. Although I recently found out my grandparents are step-brother and step-sister because their parents married after they did, and my parents are plausible distant cousins because of something they discovered on ancestry. So I'm not sure if asking my mom for her counsel would be good or bad, because she's partially strict in religion but laughs a lot when I make incest jokes about my grandparents, and her and my dad.

To top this whole cousin love off, I keep having uncontrollable dreams of my future daughter's childhood and teenage life. I wish I was joking about that, but no. I actually dream about the far future and having a daughter. But it doesn't stop there, of course. My hypothetical imaginary dream/nightmare daughter looks exactly like my cousin except with my hair color.

So after all of that, my question is this: How do I confront my cousin (and maybe even my strange aunt) about this without outright saying I'm in love with her? And is there a way to cure myself of my weird daughter dreams? And is there some other advice I could have regarding the extra information I gave? Thank you so much to anybody who bothered to read.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Meadows,

I can't say exactly what your relatives intentions are when they say those comments about you. I do think you are reading too much into it, just let it go for now.

As for your cousin and your feelings for her, there really isn't much to do in terms of trying to conceal your feelings while confronting her about hers. You can try asking hypothetical questions to test the waters; ask her how she feels about cousins getting together. If she doesn't like the idea don't press the issue further and leave it at that. If you get the feeling she is ok with the idea go into more specifics, like asking her how she feels about you. Keep going from there until you get to admitting your feelings. If she rejects you don't worry. You are still very young and you have your whole life ahead of you.

As for your dreams about your hypothetical daughter, dreams have a weird way of telling us what's on our minds and this issue definitely is weighing heavily in yours. Telling your cousin how you feel may help you "control "them somewhat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Whatdoido

Hey i read your post and my advice is if you have such strong feelings about her when you get old enough to drive and hang out with friends ask her to come along get to know her better that will help you judge how she is. Eventually make plans with her alone to do something you both have in common because so and so bailed on you. Once you both are alone and you are comfortable if you feel like she has dropped hints in the direction you feel confront her about it. Maybe not directly but bring up how your aunt says those things about you two. Or about the grandparents. If nothing comes of it and she shows that she isnt feeling you in the way you are her it may easy your wandering mind some. Possibly give you releif from constantly not knowing. 

And I agree with the post above about your dreams.  Its your subconscious weighing heavy on this dilemma.  I hope everything works out for you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/10/2016 at 0:58 AM, Meadows said:

They're all just really confusing me because they're VERY religious, and the way they keep saying things like that doesn't really correspond to their religious following (

I don't really don't understand this point.  Does their Christianity prevent them from teasing you about dating?  From cousin marriages?  Neither of these things are prohibited in Christianity, so I'm really not seeing what your objection is.

That aside - you are waaaaayy overthinking things.

To confront your cousin implies a conflict - I don't think that's what you want.  Transportation is an issue for you, unless public transit is available, so dating one another could be difficult.  My advice is to simply start chatting with her - call, text - try to get to know her.  Then maybe once you have established some kind of rapport and you have earned some way of getting around, the two of you can start doing things together.  But seriously, you need to relax dude.

As for the dreams, once you are not thinking of your cousin so much, those dreams will go away.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Similar Content

    • By MadMax007
      Hello all, thanks for stopping by. First off, thanks for all the great advice, stories, and posts on here, and special thanks to the creators and admins. This has been bugging me for a while, and I was so glad to discover this place, I really felt welcomed and moved by some of these stories, but most of all, hopeful. I truthfully am a forum noob, and have never really posted anything on a public board before, much less this topic. The reason I started this topic is because most of the threads I came across seemed geared to very young people, and while other posts did offer some insight, I decided to try my luck here, hoping for a more custom tailored response, respectably. 
      Straight to the goods then. I'm 'Andy' and soon to be 35, she's ‘Cindy’, in her 40s, and we are both single and 1st cousins. I have had a crush on her as far back as I can remember, our families were close when we were kids, and often spent weekends together. Because of our age gap at the time, her being a rebel teen who idolized Madonna and me with my Transformers and GI Joes, we were not very close. We hung out like average cousins, nothing special. Over the years she was always close to my thoughts, plus we stayed in touch on social media, but again noting special. Fast forward a little over two decades, during which we would occasionally see each other at large family gatherings, but no major contact beyond that. Next time, it was special, it felt different. Recently, for an outdoor family reunion, it just so happened that we were seated together and we practically spent the whole time chatting exclusively. I really love to make her laugh and I was doing just that, and so was she. Every now and then I'd get from her, what was probably a wholly innocent gesture, an arm touch and smile. I still refuse to read too much into this, this is uncharted waters and I know better than to treat it like the average crush. At one point during the party, a relative approached us and exclaimed to my cousin Cindy, "oh my, I thought this man was your boyfriend!" Our mutual relative was a little surprised when she realized it was me, but did not make a big deal or read too much into it. This made me back off, obviously my body language or a combination of ours both suggested we were a couple to anyone who did not know better. Cindy's reaction was amazing though, smiles and blush galore, she didn't even make an "Eww face" at the remark. Anyway, since then we have been texting occasionally, every other day, very short conversations because I know she is busy and a single mother. I remember one text she wrote, "I miss you." We exchange our problems and offer advice. On more than one occasion she mentioned how she just wants to be with a nice guy who accepts her, and how hard it is for her to find someone, I responded truthfully, that I'm pretty much in the same situation, looking for "Miss Right" and all that. We even spoke on the phone briefly, this is where it escalates a tiny bit.
      Here is where it gets good, but really scary for me. This Saturday we have a date, for lack of a better word, or more accurately dinner and a movie. Yup, I went for it and she said yes! Holy holy crap! What do I do? I kind of have the evening planned, dinner at a nice restaurant, but I'm hoping to sub the movie with something romantic, like somewhere with a nice view of the city. I really just want to talk with her and spend time alone, and gauge her feelings a bit more. Anyway, I am out of my element here. I'm hoping someone reading this has been in a similar position. I am totally patient and would rather something happen organically on her end, than me trying to force it and be selfish. I would love tips for our date though, I will be myself of course, but I’m wondering if there’s little things I could say or do to hint at my romantic interest in her. I'm kind of nervous and don't want to make a fool of myself. 
      I have strong feelings for Cindy. She's amazing in terms of her fortitude, strength, and outlook on life. She is beautiful inside and out, she makes me laugh, and is always on my mind lately. A part of me believes we don't choose who we fall in love with, and it's not often a girl makes me feel this way. There's definitely some magic there, I just can't tell if its of the romantic kind or not. 
      Any advice from people who have been in similar situations, and my age group would be preferred, but all thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly in advance!
       
      Andy
    • By Nokia
      So my first cousin and I didn't grow up together but over the years we've built a relationship through letters he's in prison right now I've always felt like he started with me but I've never really been sure. He would ask me to send him pictures before he went to prison via cell phone, he was married then so I didn't think much of it I just figured because we hadn't seen each other in a while that he wanted to have a picture of me. I didn't feel the same way at first but I flirted with the idea because of the way that he made me feel I didn't feel like anything was wrong with it I honestly and I'm getting more comfortable with the idea of thinking of him sexually. I know for a fact that our family would not approve but lately he's been writing me letters and he always calls me gorgeous and he always tells me I'm beautiful and he wrote me in my last letter about the way my shirt showed my physique and that it was enticing. I don't want to confuse him being incarcerated with him having feeling because I know sometimes people say anything behind bars especially men who haven't seen women in a while but I can say that I felt him flirting with me before this the feelings have just seem to get deeper since we've been writing each other more. I want to express myself because it's killing me to know that someone that I have these feelings for I might not be able to be with but if I feel like he feels the same I wouldn't have a problem expressing myself I'm just not sure so I'm asking in regards to what I should do on my end with my feelings in the situation. I genuinely love him so even if he was repulsed with the idea I wouldn't just leave his side while he's going through this part of his life I genuinely was helping because I wanted to help a family member and I didn't expect to feel the way that I do. It feels impossible that I'm the only one that has these feelings and it's not perverted. I just understand him and I know he understands me please help me
    • By anongirl
      I think most of you know how it starts, you haven't seen this cousin since you were kids and now as adults you find that there's something there that wasn't before.
      You tried everything you could to stop the way you felt but you couldn't and you found yourself falling in love with the one person that everyone would eventually say you couldn't be with, and I think you've fallen into the same predicament I have.
      I'm so in love with my cousin. Being with him just feels normal like it's meant to be. It doesn't feel wrong yet I feel conflicted when I'm around family members who found out and make me question every part of me that tells me I want to be with him. There are the people who accept it in my family but unfortunately the ones closest to me don't and it hurts so much. They refuse to understand that I love this man and that it's my decision. They make me feel like it's not my decision at all. 
      I know in my heart that I love him. I think it's the purest thing i've ever felt for someone in my life. My love for him doesn't bring harm to anybody so I guess I find it hard to understand why people must treat you differently just because of the person you love. 
      I live in Australia where it is legal to marry your cousin, but to show your love for your cousin is so taboo. I'm so scared of rejection from my friends here that I keep it a secret and I can't even tell people I have a boyfriend for fear that they'll ask the question how did you meet? 
      I just find it so heart breaking that people have to go through this because they love a person.
       
    • By ThreeAM
      Hi guys, I'm new to all this cousin stuff. Im from the UK so im well aware of the legal issues on cousins.
      To cut a story short, ive always had a hunch that my cousin has liked me since we were young, but these past 4 years i think that shes been dropping hints that she likes me. Im 23 and shes 18, i know thats quite an age gap but the thing is, she is exactly like me when i was that age. We often acknowledge our similarities and we are both always a little shocked at how much we are the same. I should cringe at this but ive never really felt a real connection with anyone until recently. Ive had many girlfriends, but there was never a fulfilling feeling of being with them. but anyway ill cut to the story.
      On odd occasions my cousin will ask me to go out and i will always say yes, but if i cant i will always rearrange to see her. When we first starting hanging out she would want me to tickle her arms, so basically she was very touchy feely with me. Then a year passed and she got a boyfriend which i was totally fine with but then they split up and we started hanging out abit more, she seemed more shy around me and was alot less touchy feely. Eventually she got another boyfriend and hes a really cool guy we get on,  earlier this year she asked me to go round to her house for a massage and she asked to do a full body massage on me, i said no because i didnt want to feel awkward so i ended up just going with a back massage. she was wonderful at it she is amazing at massaging, but i couldnt help but feel a little aroused by it. so anyway i just put that to the back of my head and thought nothing of it because shes my cousin right? Anyway, when we go out as a family to a meal or something, i always catch her looking at me with such a beautiful grin after shes told a joke, even if im sat doing nothing while everyone is talking, i look over at her to catch her staring at me, we lock eyes and oh man does my heart race. It feels like we are the only people in the room. But this week we went to town and we got drunk, while we was out she was telling me that she gets more energy when there's more people and i understand that, so she invited one of her lad mates out. Before he arrived, baring in mind that she has a bf, she was telling me how nice and hot he was, which is what you do at 18 haha. I was looking forward to meeting him, we got on and he mentioned that he wanted a smoke. so i said we could go back to mine because my parents were on holiday and she was really up for that. so this lead me to think that she wanted to get with her friend. 
      When we arrived at mine we had a smoke, watched a few films and just generally had a good night then i said i was going to go to bed. as i was going up she asked me for a t-shirt to wear to bed, i was drunk and i took mine off and just chucked it at her as a joke. She laughed and said thanks, so she went off to get undressed and put my tshirt on. when i was in bed she messaged me and asked where i was sleeping, i said in my room and laughed. then we carried on talking but i cant remember what about, but i remember her saying "Let me have a nap first". at this point i was so tired i just fell asleep. eventually i woke up at 3 and could not get back to sleep, so i got up brushed my teeth and went to the living room. she came downstairs curiously in my tshirt so i presumed she slept in it and i asked her if she had done the deed with her friend. she laughed and said no as if it was gross. i was abit confused by this, but then it hit me. Was she downstairs with me at 3AM to finally admit to what she was feeling? I went so quiet i didnt know what to do and i felt a sense of tension between us, she said she was going upstairs to put her phone on charge and i told her to come back after. She did come back but she only sat with me for about 10 mins before going to wake her friend up so we could all sit downstairs together. anyway this is where it gets confusing, i try to message her and she will talk to me for a short while but its always a short while, i dont know if she feels awkward with me, honestly im so lost.
      I have no idea what im feeling, what shes feeling i just need your guys opinions on the matter. are these obvious signs shes giving me or am i just getting the wrong end of the stick?
      If you need more info just ask :).
      Cheers Guys.
    • By Anonymous8
      I'll keep the explanation brief but I'm an 18 year old girl who had a pretty traumatic past. My parents were both alcoholics, and my father, although he was present for my life, didn't really take up the whole "father" role, if that makes sense. This will become important later.
      My cousin... He's a few years older than me and we've always had this sort of connection, of sorts. It was always PERFECTLY innocent, he and I were two of the most intelligent of the cousins, we both had the same sarcastic kind of humor... we just sorta "got" each other, all through our youth. 
      It sounds goofy, but he was our gardener. Let me explain. Our house had a crazy gopher infestation, and he, being 16 or 17 at the time, was eager to earn a few bucks, and had a knack for gardening. My mom would pay him to come over and help us. Remember how I said that my childhood trauma would become important? Well, my cousin was my stability through most of it. Where most if not all of my male representatives in my life had failed me, he was what "normal" was. Him being around the house so often made me feel safe, like I was protected. Kinda stupid in hindsight, considering we were both children, but hey. I think my crush started way back then. 
      Our family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, do NOT gather all that often. But when we do, we are just so drawn to each other. Thanksgivings, while the rest of the family would be in the kitchen talking and drinking, you know, having general merriment... we'd be in the living room, talking, or sitting in silence. It was that kind of thing where even if we weren't talking, you could tell that we were comfortable enough just being around each other. Particularly last Thanksgiving, there was a point where I felt comfortable enough to finally talk to him about all the crazy crap that happened when I was young with my parents and the abuse. I felt safe. And he listened, told me how strong I was and how I hadn't deserved to go through all of it alone. I felt SO safe, and warm, like I was finally home. And that's something that's so hard for me to feel, it's impossible to ignore.
      Now, here's the thing about my cousin. He's a man of very few emotions, or, at least, he doesn't show them very often. But even all the aunts, uncles, and grandparents know that he's always been very protective of me. We tend to read each other's emotions like a book. We were both raised in a pretty straight-laced, Christian environment and are both still of the faith, and because of this, cousin/cousin relationships are pretty taboo. I know chances are that he doesn't feel the same way about me. But I think that I DO harbor some pretty serious feelings for him.
      These feelings became pretty evident, actually, when I met up with my mother a few weeks ago. We had gotten lunch, and I talked about my cousin and how I was so glad that he had been there for me through the hard times, something like that. My mom said, and I quote, "(Cousin's name) is a great man. Really. What a shame that he's your cousin." And my heart stopped. My first thought was "Sh*t! She found me out!" Then I started thinking, "Wait a minute, is that her way of giving support?" And that's really the incident that led me to questioning my feelings and finally ending up at this point, writing this post. Here I am. In love with my cousin. And I'm confused, alone, and scared. 
      I have a lot of questions that hopefully those in this community could help me answer. For the longest time I had tried to push down these feelings, so forgive me if my questions sound a bit obvious or whatever. 
      Is there any way to gauge whether the cousin in question returns these feelings?
      Is this something that would be easier to ignore and forget about?
      Are the whole "cousin couples are bad because genetic deformities happen in their children" thing really as severe as people say? 
      Is there something wrong with me?
      Thank you guys in advance for your responses, I really hope to hear from some of you. Any advice is appreciated. 
       
×