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I grew up in a small town in New York and had always been really close with my family. I'd spend every weekend with my cousins!! As I got older one of my cousins and I became very close, we'd talk to each other about everything and bail each other out of trouble all the time. She was more like a best friend to me growing up. Well she was having problems with her parents and decided to stay with a relative for a few months so I went to visit her and see how she was doing. We curled up on the couch downstairs and started drinking some beer. Out of nowhere she kissed me and I kissed her back. One thing lead to another and now we've been together secretly for 5 years. We want to get married soon but have to overcome telling our family. It has been so hard to not say "I love you" or kiss her when we are at family gatherings. We don't want to cause chaos in the family but we have to break the news to them eventually! How did you guys tell your families & did it affect your relationship? 

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to begin with, familiarize yourself with the info on this website. the genetics, the laws, the religious... then plan your strategy. many people edit and use the letter i drafted and provided the link to below. if you decide to tell them in person, i'd recommend one family (or family member) at a time. mark and i started with my mom... she was very supportive, and quickly spread the word thru the family... my dad first, then my brothers and then mark's parents.

starting with just one person at a time helps because it eliminates the mob-mentality and you can answer questions and objections one on one. the letter can be really helpful too because it addresses all those issues without having to deal with any emotional explosion.

regardless of how you break the news, i recommend you do it together, and i strongly recommend that you refuse to get into an emotional battle with anyone. if they begin talking trash or threatening to disown you or anything, calmly tell them "we told you as a courtesy, but you don't get a vote in it. if you disown us, we will miss you but we can't control your choices anymore than you can control ours.

and then walk away.


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