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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Wytumper2

Personality disordered cousin

5 posts in this topic

Sorry so long.   And I used to be a member about six years ago .. I am writing on this board because I've been with my cousin for the last six years and a wonderful relationship until last July --well she schemed her way into plane tickets from her mother in law. She decided to pick up and leave in August -

I found out she's diagnosed with  histrionic personality disorder  and has Narcissistic traits and now I'm dealing  the fall out in what's going on with this disorder she's put me in the "black" --which is not a good thing if you understand personalities disorders and he is "white"means-- he can do no wrong and her kids one from a previous marriage and one for a previous relationship are with her and I'm all alone hurting. She had told me he was abusive, neglectful (saw the latter)! Etc  so her leaving suddenly was a soul ripper. I have been struggling and suffering since. 

The entire family was fine with the relationship none had any issues with it. In fact they were very supportive of it and thought this is a great thing for the kids and for us because we are such a small family. They loced we had found each other. 

I'm not able to produce children and she cannot either so that was not an issue as well and the personality disorder is not a cousin issue it is a mental disorder and I don't know how to deal with everything that I'm feeling because it's not just another human being,  it's my cousin it's my family and it's my soulmate and I'm devastated . 

 She's throwing religion in my face about what God has lead her to do.. she is so mean to me. In the six years as a family I never saw any of this behavior it came out of nowhere and my heart tells me she'll come back without a doubt. I hurt so much.

She plays passive aggressive games on facebook, using posts and  pictures to hurt me by using her husbands name as a tag.  Or his photos .  And --Yes she never divorced him. She left him within  first 6 months of the marriage and never looked back 10 years. She refused to divorce him because she wanted alimony. She bad mouthed him and his family etc.. probably all lies.  I need to know if there's any cousin relationships out there that have one that has somebody with a personality disorder  because I really need somebody to reflect and talk to.. I need help guys I have a therapist and I have good friends who understand the relationship but this is not just the relationship this is the disorder and I don't know what to do my heart tells me to wait it out,  she's leaving all the doors open not shutting on but she just says that I'm never coming back to this I'm never coming back to you .  I know it's a disorder and I know I'm being punished because she felt rejected or abandoned because I didn't take her on a vacation and now my lives in uproar in her life is all handy-dandy down there or at least that's what she post everybody .  And I don't think that her husband knows about our relationship at all . 

 Is there any cousins out there with cousins with personality disorders please help . 

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I'm sorry that I do not understand the black and white thing you were talking about; it went over my head. But yea, I do know about personality disorders and frankly, insanity. LOL. It runs on my cousin's side of the family, not mine. Her dad spent ten years in prison for burning houses down and attempted murder. He is a classic psychopath. I could go on. He once drug his own momma around the yard by the hair of her head. You decide if he is insane. I am certain these "disorders" are genetic.

Fast forward --- I married his daughter. All I can tell you bro is that we have had trouble from day one. However, about 5 years ago, she started doing and saying very bizarre things. I would accuse her of being on the "pipe." She acted hopped up on something. Bizarre things led to even more bizarre things (and unforgivable things) until it was a living hell trying to stay with her. I'm a fairly private person, so I will shut up now. But not before I dispense some advice. My advice is sometime terse, concise and shocking so brace yourself. It is mitigated by my great wisdom, so here goes:

Get the H-E-Double-L away from that woman! Pray that she goes back with her husband where she belongs. It will not be without lots of pain and agony, but you must put your own sanity first. We have 6 billion people on the planet, 3B females. You can do better my friend and I am afraid that you must.

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i gotta agree with kc. life doesn't have to be this crazy.

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 KC  I would agree with you that there's 3 billion females on this planet and  is plenty to choose from,  but I have the love for one woman and she is my cousin,  she is my family,  she is my everything, and  always in  my heart. 

 I know what I have to do for her for the children and for myself.  If I don't do this- I don't take them back and try to help them my little cousins and her -then I would not be true to who I am which is a loving caring person.  If  this was any other woman, girlfriend, love interest, it would be done with their things out in plastic bags. " I don't put up with holy crapoly!,  you get the hell out and don't come back. "

 I have been married twice -once because I was too young- second one because I thought I married my best friend and that marriage was uneventful and I couldn't produce children so it was terminated by her. 

 I was hoping to find cousins that had cousins with a personality disorders because I needed somebody to bounce ideas off of and how does their entire  family deal with family  suffering with personality disorders. 

Its treatable with therapy and like any other has to be wanted by the sufferers. 

 I will be setting boundaries not only for myself and the rest the family, aunts and  uncles included --because this girl has reached her point with everyone. 

I'm afraid that if I don't do this the consequence to the two young children and to her herself will be devastating. Homelessness, poverty etc.. It's not the children's fault this is happening.

I have the temperament the patiece and  love and the connection,  and I have faith in God that he put us together for so many reasons.. 

thy will be done. As they say.   I hope im not alone with family that has issues like this.. 

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I hope you don't say in 10 years, "man, I wish I had listened to KC!" I hope it works out for you.

The last I heard was my wife was living in a tent -- homeless. She chose that lifestyle and she is no longer my responsibility. I would be lying if I said I don't worry about her a bit. It is dangerous out there. But it is just too bad. I can't live the way she wants to live. I refuse.

You need to set boundaries for HER and if she crosses them, get rid of her. Life is short bro. We don't have to put up with this crap. I understand the falling in love with the one girl thing, but it is all a mirage. There is no such thing as a soul mate IMHO.

Good luck and I truly hope everything works out.

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