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Guest jhon

need advice with my girlfriend my first cousin

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i would like to ask an advice since were in a relationship with my first cousin for almost 3years. we do love each other much but we cant figure out for our future. were from philippines and we need your advice. thank you.

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Can you be more specific as to what the two of you want to do in the future? How is your family's stance towards your relationship? Also some background information, such as your ages and financial situations would help also.

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we want to be together in the future. just like ordinary married couples. getting married, to be happy and have a family. we aint tell our parents nor our friends.i dont know if they agree with our relationship but i guess its a big no. we were together for.about 3 years ago and that when the sparkle starts. she stayed in our house for 8 month. i am really comfortable with her. we have something in common. we talk together, laugh together with crazy things and sometimes we walk together with holding hands even there are people.seeing us. hahaha. that time i am really fallin inlove with her.and before she go back home, we already express our feelings and start our relationship. i guess our relationship is the hardest of all since we are first cousins and a long distant relationship. the only thing that keep us together is through facebook, texting and calling. we do have a lot of breakups because of such reasons but she always come back. shes my first love and im her first love too. by the way im a seafarer and im in the ship right now. i am planning to visit her when i will be signing of coz really miss her so badly.shes the most beautiful girl and i want to spend the rest of my life with her. shes 19 now and currently in college and im 22. we really want to marry soon but it is strictly prohibited in the philippines. i really hate it .our government dont want us to be happy :-( i dont know how can we marry and where. and how can we convince our psrents and relatives because probably they wont agree specially on my family side.i am really glad thst i discovered this site and express my love story. we really need your advice because we want to be happy together, forever.

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 As a Filipino living in the US I can understand your situation. You mentioned it is a long distance relationship. Is it because the both of you live in separate provinces? Since you both are still so young I would hold off on any efforts to be together until she graduates college, has a job, and the both of you financially independent from your families. If the two of you want to get married legally get out of the Philippines and in a country that supports cousin marriage. This is something you can research while she is still in school in the meantime.

As for your parents if in your gut you think they will not accept your relationship no matter what you say to them, DO NOT TELL THEM!!! We made that mistake with my husband's mother and she preferred not to know and that when news of our relationship comes around to the rest of our family she wishes she will be already dead. The both of you can just separate yourselves quietly from your families to go off and be together. I know it will be tough that you won't be able to see or speak with your families but, believe me, it's for the best.

If the both of you want to have children, seek genetic counseling. While the both of you are still close to your families, ask around and see if you have histories of genetic diseases within your families. Any information you get will be of great help for the genetic counselor. Get screened to see if either of you are carriers of any diseases. My husband and I did this while I was pregnant with my son but we are definitely going to do more thorough testing before we decide to have another child. Be sure you have a good support system wherever you are before you decide to have children, you will both definitely need it.

I wish you the best of luck in your relationship and keep us posted.

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Thank you for giving me advice. Yes, we live from different provinces. Thats what she always telling that she wants to finish her college. As of now we dont talk about living separately since we both focusing on our career. im just overthinking of things that probably happen for our future together. and i dont want living without her.

One thing also, i noticed that something has changed.i dont know what she really feels because if we have a little fight and misunderstanding she always end breaking and i am the one always convincing her to stay. And her sweetness faded away. I dont really know what is going in her mind. Sometimes i am thinking that maybe she found someone else coz we were apart. i dont know. but she always telling that she loves me too much and she is the kind of girl that is loyal.

She's also afraid that we might having an abnormal babies and i always keep on telling her that it is not true. she has a lot of negative thoughts and im scared that she will leave me and dont come back.

i will follow your advice on not telling it to our parents and relatives. i dont know what will be the reaction of my aunt (living in norway) who support me with my studies if she will know this things. 

 

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The possibility of having children with a genetic disorder is only 2-4% higher than regular couples. That risk is nore likely if consanguineous marriages run through your family. If you two have pretty healthy families you should be good. It is possible to have healthy children with your cousin, my husband and I did it!

I can understand your fear of her leaving you and never coming back. If her affection has changed, maybe some distance will get her to realize her feelings. She may come back to you or she may not. My husband and I had a period like this when we were younger. It took 3 years apart to realize we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. If she doesn't come back to you would you be able to move on?

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based on what i know, there are histories of hypertension on my father's side. 

i just dont want to talk about her leaving me coz i dont believe that will happen. maybe just overthinking of things.and if that will happen, i dont know what would i feel.i dont know i can handle it since shes my first love. i would feel very very bad. i never give up on us, and if we are really meant to be, she would not leave me.

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