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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Cuttinghimout

The test of time

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It has been nearly five years since I stopped speaking to my cousin. Tomorrow, I am going to a funeral and I'm sure he'll be there. Possibly alone, or with his wife. Lately both his mother and father have been battling a very bad bought of cancer, and only time will tell if either one of them make it to see next year.

The funeral I'm going to is for another cousin, my mom's first cousin, so I guess I would be the second cousin of the deceased. Normally I wouldn't bother going to a funeral, I saw the deceased the week before he died, in hospice, because I knew that I may not attend the funeral, and I wanted to say goodbye and that I loved him while he could still see me and speak to me.

The past month has had a lot of challenges, and I know that the entire family is stressed right now. But, with it being nearly five years since I've uttered a word to the cousin I was involved with and with it being the 8 year anniversary of when he first told me he had feelings for me, I'm not sure if I should express condolences to him, since he is losing both of his parents at the same time, or if I should just stay to myself. I am sorry that they are both so sick, and his sibling has kind of bolted away from both situations (their parents are divorced) so he is basically taking care of his mother by himself as she recovers from surgery. I don't know, this is kind of a hard situation, but I may need to clear the air with him if I want to attend any upcoming family gatherings, especially with the holidays coming around. I think I have healed enough from what happened previously, and have dealt with enough people in the past few years to not let whatever happens get me down too much.  

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the deceased is your 1st cousin once removed.

you should say something. it's too soon for condolences, but you can let him know that his parents are in your thoughts and prayers if you pray. and try to do so in the presence of his family to avoid any weirdness.

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