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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Hunib

Broke up

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Guest Hunib

Been with my cousin for over 1 year 3 months. We just decided that it was best we finished our relationship because our families would never accept it. It is a long distance relationship also. 

We ended on a good note but I miss him so much! He makes me so happy! 

I don't know how I will cope!?

;(

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You will cope like you do with any other break up.  You'll cry for a while, feel your heart break in two, get up everyday and do what you need to do and then one day you'll notice you haven't thought about him all day and your days will start to get sunnier.

Breaking up for acceptance from family is never a good reason to break up,  I'm sorry you're going through this.  It does get easier. 

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If it helps any, our situation sounds a LOT like yours. My cousin & I both had serious reservations about the family's reactions to our relationship, and one was living in Vancouver and one in Toronto.

In the end we decided that if she was moving back home, even if it was to live with Ghengis Khan it would be OK. 

Besides, what are they going to say? He's NOT from a good family? Hehehehe.   

 

In the end all the family was concerned with was that we both happy and safe.  

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Guest Heart Broken

I'm So Sorry your hurting, My cousin ended our relationship for the same reason, he was to scared of what other family members would say... And he was afraid his grown children wouldn't stay in his life... I am heart broken and devastated, I miss him so much... I know we could have made it work, it wouldn't have been easy, but I believed in us... We were so Happy together, now I get a text every so often just to say Hi, which makes it even worse :'(

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Guest crushed hearted

I know exactly how you feel. My cousin broke up with me for the same reason and that wasn't a long time ago. He told me that he has a bad conscience if we keep continuing. I really believed in this relationship and now it's over. :'( Although it's hard, it's the best for both sides if you don't talk to each other for a long time.

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Hi all. I wrote in past July about ny second cousin. When we met (he picked me up at the Greyhound Terminal on to see my aunt, his mother), right away he said "I wish you weren't my cousin." (I wish I could find that last post). 

 

Anyway, I stayed there for one week, he was always, there, and we got to know a little about each other. He took back to the terminal,  he helped me on the bus, etc. We hugged when it was time for him to leave the bus before we pulled out. But the hug was beautiful! So beautiful in fact that my seat mate thought cousin was my man! 

 

Anyway, I'm home, and feeling pretty good. So we began a long distance relationship, calling, etc. 

Yet I began feeling a certain, oh I don't know, something. But we carried on. Then I found out. He asked me one night how I feel about him, so I told him. He said he met someone else. But I didn't believe him. Why? Because of the whole, entire story, it was so cockeyed! But he called me afterwards that night. 

 

We carried on. Yet, there were a couple of times when I warned him "I'm not the woman you play with. I'm no joke." And I was dead serious! 

 

We carried on. To make a long, long story short, I had enough. The phone calls changed in that I was finding myself doing most of the work. Oh wait. One time he wanted me to do something for which I agreed. But he wanted it done that day and time which I was not prepared to do. So I told him I'll do it "tomorrow or Saturday." It wasn't good enough for he asked "why can't you do it now." Knowing if I told him the real reason, it'll start a World War 3, I said "because I'm going out." OMG! He BARKED "WHERE ARE YOU GOING"!!? I couldn't believe it! Ok. We got through that. Prior to that, I when we talked about something, and I needed clarification, he'll say "we already talked about that, I don't see a need to discuss it further." He was controlling. I have clinical depression, so sometimes I'm not myself, and one time I revealed it. How did he handled it? When I'm not myself, he calls it "going to the moon." That's fine. So he handled it by saying "the next time you go to the moon, I'm not speaking to you. You're never hear from me again." So that same day when I wanted to talk more about our problem, he said "I'm not talking to you again." Huh? I felt he was pushing me up against the wall. So I said "You don't want to talk to me again?" Fine! Goodbye!" and I hung up. He called twice that day, I refused to answer. The next day he called, this time leaving an apology voicemail. I was touched, so we made up.

But thongs got back to normal, with him going missing in action at times, with a few tidbit information, for instance, with him sharing about other women, my favorite "she said she's developing feelings for me." My girlfriends tried to tell me this woman is not real. But I felt even if she's not real, why would he put her in my face? It surely did not me feel secure. Then, once again, he goes missing in action. I'm calling, worried. 

 

Finally, I'very had it! I texted him "I'm done with you, etc" OMG! For someone who couldn't, didn't find the time to call, and with a woman who's "developing feelings for me" he sure found the time then!!!! That night he called me five, yes I said 5, times in one night, one after the other, the same night I pulled the plug! I have no idea what he wanted because I refused to answer. Didn't I tell him "I'm not the woman to play with, that I'm no joke"? I sure did! 

 

No I won't deny it hurt me, a lot. I cried and cried and cried!!! I didn't want to, not really. But I did at the same time because I needed peace. Peace in my mind, my heart. There are times, even now when I feel sooo sad, depressed because I really loved him, and still do. I miss him. I miss his voice, etc.

But I'll be okay. Oh and by the way, he's has two divorces under his belt, he's "looking for a wife." He feels the reason he hasn't found one is because "god must be punishing me for what I did to my wives." Whatever. Before me, he "talked to other women but nothing happened." Guess what? According to him by way of counting, I'm woman number 6 that he lost, including his two wives. 

Thanks for listening. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On 28/11/2016 at 5:47 AM, Guest Heart Broken said:

I'm So Sorry your hurting, My cousin ended our relationship for the same reason, he was to scared of what other family members would say... And he was afraid his grown children wouldn't stay in his life... I am heart broken and devastated, I miss him so much... I know we could have made it work, it wouldn't have been easy, but I believed in us... We were so Happy together, now I get a text every so often just to say Hi, which makes it even worse :'(

Hi can I ask how are you coping, has there been any change on your situation? I'm going through the same thing and I'm totally broken 💔

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