Jump to content
  • 0
MissPrice

How do your friends react?

Question

For those of you who are or have been openly in relationships with cousins: what reactions do people outside your family have when you tell them about your relationship?

For us, it isn't something we announce to everyone, but eventually the "so how did you two meet?" question usually comes up with friends, and we're honest. I reply with something like "well, actually, we've known each other all of our lives. We're cousins." The reaction from that point on has been so similar with every exchange that I am curious about what others have experienced. This is my experience, basically word for word every time:

Friend: "So, like, first cousins?"

Me: "Yes, my father and his mother are siblings."

F: "Oh. Do you have the same last name?"

M: "No."

F: "Well, have you guys thought about if you want to have kids?"

M: "Yes, actually the genetic risk is much lower than you would think, only about 2-3% higher than the general population, and from what we know about our family history, there is nothing that should worry us."

F: "That's good!" [pause] "I actually used to have a crush on one of my cousins..."

At which point they tell me about their crush. Well, the crush part only happens with about two thirds of them, but that's the part that surprised me the most. The rest of it happens every time. All of our friends have been accepting, and no one has been judgemental, at least to our faces. In fact, the more people I've told, the more confident I've felt because of how well they've responded. 

What about you guys?

Edited by MissPrice

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

5 answers to this question

Recommended Posts

  • 0

My friends are too narrow minded and pseudo macho to risk telling them however my partner/cousins friends have been really supportive. We have told 7 or 8 close friends plus a few of her work colleagues. They have all been great and are very happy that she has found happiness and love in me. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

My partner/cousin was really reluctant to tell his closest (male) friend when we got together. Eventually he felt like he needed to, because he was driving two hours to see me on the weekends, and wasn't available to hang out like he was before. He was pretty sure his friend wouldn't approve, and he was avoiding him instead of telling him, and his friend didn't get why he suddenly wasn't  around.  Finally he did tell him, and his friend's response was basically "dude, if it makes you happy great; I thought you were avoiding me because you were mad at me or something". Since then, that friend and I have met several times and gotten along really well. I'm sorry you feel like your friends wouldn't understand, but I hope that if you decide to tell them, they surprise you. 

Edited by MissPrice
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

I am in love with my second cousin. Though i do recognise that's a situation much easier to handle than to be in love with your first cousin, there still problems on the way people realise the issue. Yeah, I have spoken to my friends about my feelings  for her. My best friends reacted and still do in a very supportive and enthusiastic way. Some first cousins were ok with it, too. Most people actually neglect what Law, Church and Genetics say about the issue. Regardless if people approve or not cousin relationships, most of them don't have a clear idea about the Legislation. However, the  head ache in such cases is the families and how they are gonna see it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

I think there's 9 people who know for sure that me and my second cousin are together (and many more who assume and talk about us behind our backs), and they've had varying reactions.

The first person I told was my first cousin on my dad's side (my boyfriend and I are related on my mom's side), and he was like, "Well that's kinda weird, but if it makes you happy then you do your thing."

Then I told my best friend, who was shocked, but not because we're genetically related, but because he thinks my cousin is unattractive. He then told me about a teenage fling he had with his first cousin.

Next I told another friend. He was surprised but very supportive. He told me about an aunt he had a crush on.

Then another friend, who was like "Well that's weird, but whatever floats your boat."

Then we had a little get together with a friend I hadn't hung out with in a while. We ended up watching a movie and the boyfriend and I got cuddly and affectionate. We were both under the impression that the friend was aware of our genetic similarities. Turns out he wasn't. A few days later he asked "So, are you guys related?" I replied "Yeah, we're second cousins." Needless to say, him and his buddy were very freaked out. He didn't talk to us for a few months, but once he started talking to us again he never said anything about it.

Next was a friend I'd had for several years. She was aware of the fact he's my cousin, and we thought she had picked up on us being together and was fine with it since she's very open-minded. Apparently not. I don't recall what was said, but some comment was made referencing me and him, she didn't understand, and I clarified by saying that we were in a committed relationship. She got awkward and left. We didn't talk for a while, but once we did it was like nothing ever happened.

We have two friends who are a married couple who we thought would outright reject us if they found out. A few months ago the wife asked me "Is that guy you're always with your boyfriend?" I didn't say yes or no, all I said was "He's my cousin." She apologized. I told her everyone assumes we're together. Then about a month ago I was at their house and the husband had a friend over. The friend claimed he had met me and my boyfriend before and asked what my boyfriend's name was. I didn't know what to say. Luckily I didn't have to say anything, because the husband blurted out my cousin/boyfriend's name. I didn't disagree. The next week I went over to hang out with the wife. At some point in the conversation she made a comment about "people around here being too inbred to care about biochemistry". I was offended, but I didn't say anything. Later in the conversation she started talking about how wonderfully intelligent Einstein was and how the world needs more scientists like him. So I brought up the fact that Einstein's parents were first cousins, and that he married his first cousin. She was like "You're right. I forgot about that! So why didn't your boyfriend come with you?" So yeah she knows. I never straight up told them, but they figured it out, and they seem fine with it.

Whoops, that got really long! Sorry!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

I found a way around that question. My family said, if it makes you happy.. Go for it. We are in our 60"s though. 

MY friends I tell, his family and my family were friends. My family moved 400 miles away but we would visit about once a year. They don't have to know we are 1st cousins. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×