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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Fullmetal

Emotional Support

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Guest Fullmetal   
Guest Fullmetal

I need some emotional support. My mother recently passed away (on December 31). Of course, lots of family members came to the funeral. But there's one particular cousin of mine. We're both 26. I've had romantic feelings for her since we were twelve. The problem is that she's happily married. And I am happy for her. I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with her anymore. I know that will never happen.

 

The main issue I'm having is that I need emotional support (as anyone would after their mother's death). But I actually have a past of accidentally making girls uncomfortable when I have a crush. I'm the classic example of the shy nerd stereotype who has trouble talking to pretty girls. On multiple occasions, I've overstepped boundaries on accident and made my crush uncomfortable (not my cousin, but different girls). I'm socially awkward so it's hard for me to express my feelings towards someone.

 

I feel like my cousin is one of the only people who can help me come to terms with my mother's death. She told me that she's there for me if I need anything. But I'm scared that I might repeat my mistakes and make her uncomfortable. I'm more vulnerable now than I have ever been in my life. Because of this, I feel so lost and uncertain. Any advice? How can I lean on her for support without scaring her away?

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LadyC    98

fullmetal, i'm sorry for your loss. and i can empathize, totally... my mother passed away just three days before yours. it's why i'm not spending much time on here.

no offense here, but you need to find someone to lean on that is NOT your married cousin that you have feelings for. the fact that you are so concerned about HOW to lean on her without scaring her away indicates one thing to me... that you are avoiding dealing with the death of your mom at all. i get it, i do. it's far easier to wrap yourself up in the emotional drama over this girl and how she might perceive or mis-perceive your intentions than it is to just grieve for your mom. and because of that, what you probably don't recognize is that your mom's death and your need to grieve are becoming an excuse to try and get close to this woman that you insist you aren't pursuing. and the result of that diversion is that you will NEVER be able to properly grieve for your mom.

listen, your mother deserves for you to focus on just grieving. and YOU need to be able to focus on just grieving. if you don't, you will have issues that will haunt you well into any relationships you ever have in the future. you need to deal with this. now. without the comfort of a woman you have a crush on. that's just simply not healthy for anybody.

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Nattana    17

Fullmetal,

I agree with everything Lady C said and have some additional advice.  Look for a support group that deals with grief.  There are trained people out there who can really help you.  I received some wonderful support when I lost my own mother.

Hugs

Nat

 

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Guest Fullmetal   
Guest Fullmetal

Thanks LadyC and Nat. That was hard for me to hear, but I know you're right. Also, I'm sorry for your loss as well. My mother was my hero. It is so hard losing your greatest hero.

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LadyC    98
5 hours ago, Guest Fullmetal said:

Thanks LadyC and Nat. That was hard for me to hear, but I know you're right. Also, I'm sorry for your loss as well. My mother was my hero. It is so hard losing your greatest hero.

yes, it is. she lived with me and my husband for the last three years, and she was more than just a mom. she was a friend. and a playmate. LOL she and my husband used to have rubberband wars. we made her laugh, and she said it kept her young. she was 90 years old... and we had no clue she was sick until after thanksgiving. she'd lost her appetite a few weeks before and was getting tummy aches when she'd eat. she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on november 28th, and kept her sense of humor right up til the very end. she died just four weeks after her diagnosis. my husband says what you said about your mom... that my mom was his hero. 

so if you want some emotional support from someone who knows what you're going thru, i can do that for you. it may not be the same as having someone in person, but at least you will never have to worry that i'm just saying empty platitudes. 

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