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Tom182

2017 is possibly my last chance at telling her how I feel so do I go through with it?

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Hi everyone. It's been a fair while since I last posted on here and I didn't think I would return but here I am. I would really appreciate the feedback as this is the only place I feel comfortable talking about this. I need to get it off my chest.

Here is some backstory. I have been going on holiday each year since 2010 (except for last year due to their career commitments) with my two female cousins and their parents and my parents. I am 25 and she is 24.

Ever since I met them from the first holiday, (I've known them since I was little but I don't remember any of it) I instantly had a crush on the younger cousin and since then with every holiday and going round their house now and then my feelings towards her have intensified. I have never felt this strongly towards any other girl in my life. Period.

I was under the impression (although I could have been reading her wrong) that during these holidays she did feel something towards me. I could make her smile and laugh easily, there was a lot of physical contact, playing with her hair, long eye contact etc. Again, this is just something I picked up on and does not signify anything absolute. Nevertheless, I always think about those moments.

I typed out a long word document on what I would say to her (obviously I would never show her that) but I just use it as a guideline to how much she means to me and how much I care for her. I don't tend to look at it a lot as it makes me feel sad (I have been trying to move on) I digress, sorry if I'm rambling on here. I'll get to the point.

Initially, I wasn't going to even contemplate saying anything when we go away in the summer this year because she was bringing her boyfriend along (she has been seeing for over a year) but I was told recently she decided against bringing him for whatever reason. Leads me to my next point.

Now I know she is in a relationship and it would be out of order but if I could be allowed to be selfish for a moment I really want closure after several years. I love her so much. Everyday I wake up she's on my mind without fail. Yeah, there's a chance she might hate me and it could be awkward but on the other hand she is the most kind and beautiful girl I know, inside and out and I'm positive she feels something for me and she'll understand and not hate my guts.

I can't bottle this up for another year. I might have to drink a few to give me some confidence but if there's ever a moment where it's just me and her alone during the holiday I might just end up saying it. We're getting older so we may well stop going away together real soon.

Am I in the wrong here? Over and over I visualise in my head *that* moment when I tell her. Just three words. It's a mighty big three words but there's nobody more deserving than her.

 

Edited by Tom182

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You've been mulling over this gal for a while now.  You will never know how she feels if you don't take the plunge and broach the subject.  IMO, you shouldn not go straight to those"mighty big three words"; nobody wants to feel that much pressure.  But, my dear, she is not off limits to you.  Yet.  She has a boyfirend. not a husband or fiance.  So while you should approach the situation with respect, the same boundaries do not apply as would if she was married.  

The longer you keep things bottled up and unexpressed, the more that you will begin to feel desperation.  Approach her from a position of strength.  And know that if she does not reciporcate your feelings the ground will not open up and swallow you.  It's just not good for you to keep fantasizing about the "what ifs" any longer.  

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Friend, you get one shot at life. It is not too late for you. Please do not let your chance pass you by. If you don't act, you will wonder for the rest of your life what might have been. Even if you don't get the answer you hoped for, it's far better to know where you stand than wonder. God be with you. 

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I don't think it's selfish to tell her how you feel at all. If she were married or there were kids involved, it would be different, but her boyfriend isn't your responsibility. You are both adults, and you have the right to be honest with her. I'd also say she has the right to know.

I agree that you shouldn't start with the words "I love you", not just because that's super intense, but also because the meaning can ambiguous in a family situation.

Good luck!

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Thanks for the feedback guys. It's reassuring to know that I shouldn't feel guility about the whole boyfriend situation. I do want closure and to just get it over and done with regardless of how she answers. You're right in saying it's not good for anyone to bottle something like this up for so long.

I agree that the whole "I love you" is overkill even though I wouldn't be lying. I've thought it over many times on what would be better phrasing to use. Maybe just a simple: "I have feelings for you."

We're going away in the summer. I'll be glad once I've said it. I don't even know how I've managed to go this long without saying something. It most likely wouldn't have got this bad if I told her sooner but better very late than never I suppose.

Edited by Tom182

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