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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Anjali Arya

we want marry

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Guest Anjali Arya

We both are cousine...He is my fathers cousine-sister's son...Plzz help us, we love each other very much nd we dont want to heart our family....So give me some suggestion , how we convence To them...

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Anjali Arya,

 First, for the 10,000th time here, I will tell you now, that there is no such thing as cousin sister or cousin brother. It is a cultural thing, and, I feel very confident in assuming you are from India, as that's the only place I know of that has this misguided view. Now that we have my pet peeve out of the way, let's dig a little deeper, shall we?

 If he is your father's cousin's son, then he is your SECOND cousin. SO FAR AS WE KNOW, 2nd cousins are legal to marry anywhere in the world. THAT SAID, India might would be the only exception I can think of. It will be up to you to look at the Hindu (I'll assume as well that is your religion) Marriage Act, to make sure how far out cousins are prohibited from marrying. I do know in North India, first cousins cannot marry, period. In South India, where it is culturally and historically been practiced, cross first cousins can marry, but not parallel first cousins. Ridiculous as well, but, it is what it is.

 So, my advice is to consult a family law attorney and determine if second cousins are legal like I'm thinking they are. If so, why worry about convincing them? If it's legal, go get married. If it's legal, what are they going to do about it? Legally, nothing. You should probably be prepared for MASSIVE drama worthy of Bollywood. They will probably cry and scream, threaten and cajole. They are liable to threaten to kill anyone from you two to themselves. BUT, IF IT'S LEGAL, it is YOUR lives to live, NOT THEIRS. You need to be firm, and stand your ground. Eventually they MAY see the advantages of you two being together. The angle I would use is that it would allow you two to better care for your parents as they get older. I do know that is as huge a cultural expectation as cousin marriages are culturally frowned upon. Using a positive cultural argument to outweigh a negative cultural bias may be your best argument to try to overcome the drama. 

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