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Pezcore

Dealing with cheating

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Hi everyone, I've been lurking around for quite some time trying to find some solace in my situation.  I've been in a relationship with my cousin for 7 years. We always have a great time together but it has been a long distance relationship so we do rarely get to see each other. We've been in love with each other but just 2 months ago she has started seeing someone else. I just found out last month and has been devastated since. I can't eat or sleep, nor function and run my business well anymore. My life is completely falling apart and we were in the final stages of building a large house together which I don't even know if we should continue pursuing cause I definitely cannot do this on my own.

Fast forward a few details, we talked about things and we're back together but I can't stop wondering what she's doing without my knowledge. She still sees this guy she cheated on me with but insists they are friends only. When asked what her feelings were towards this guy she says she doesn't know. 2 weeks ago before getting back together she said she had feelings for him and hid a date she had with him from me until I discovered it from looking at her phone.

I really want to trust her but am I wrong to think that she still has feelings for him and is keeping him around as a friend just so she wouldn't have to let him go? I'm terrified of them doing anything or risking her developing deeper emotions for him.  I asked her to get rid of him but she says she won't and that if it came down to choosing me or him she would "try" to get him out of the picture.  So she says she loves me but if our relationship is jeapordized by this guys presence she can't say that she'll get rid of him for certain just to be with me.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting in terms of responses here. I just have no one to turn to...

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Seven years is a looonnngg time to be in a long distance relationship.  I would never had allowed it to continue that long!  Presumably, if you are building a house together then you have made plans to be together in the very near future? 

If she is not willing to give up this man, then unfortunately, you have your answer.  We deceive ourselves to think that we can go from a secretive, sexual relationship with someone to a platonic friendship.  Either she believes that you are The One, or she doesn't.  The fact that she said she would only "try" to get him out of the picture if she had to is very revealing  - and the fact that you won't insist upon it is just as revealing.  She has made her choice.  Him.

I hate to say this, but I think that you dragged your heels too long in this relationship and now she is letting you know that in a very hurtful fashion.  You have not given us any details about the commitment level of your relationship, so giving advice can be a bit tricky.

I am in a LDR myself and I understand the complications it brings to a relationship.  But expecting someone to stay faithful for 7 years to a LDR is expecting an herculean commitment to a relationship!

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