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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Sarah

Help!In love with my first cousin

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Guest Sarah

Help me please. My cousin is coming to visit me from USA, I live in France. All of our family are talking about us how they suspect us having a rship but We keep denying it. Anyways we are in love many times we try to break it off for the sake of our families because we don't want it to get out there that we are together. We prefer to finish it before anything gets out but it's so hard and it feel so wrong to finish the relationship.we've been together for 1 year 6monthd and he's coming to see me in a few weeks and we are going to talk about what is best for us to do. It seems as thought we might put an end to it eventhough we don't want to! I don't want to lose my family and be shamed but I love him, we love each other. I'm 24 and he's 25.  What should we do? 

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Guest Tendre

I feel your pain. I had a 9 year relationship with my cousin almost 30 years ago. It was very painful as we kept it secret for many years and finally came to and end because of some problems between us but mainly because of the pressure of our families. I was very young and immature and did not realize that he was my soul-mate and the love of my life.  Trust me, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him and wondering why I did not fight for him. I regret my decision every day of my life.  I am not here to tell anyone what to do just to share my experience to help others to hear their hearts. Good luck!  

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Assuming that you are both employed, living on your own and not financially dependent upon your parents, do what you want.

Why would you end a relationship with someone when you both want it to continue?  Why would you let other people dictate how you live your life?

If I had followed my heart, I would have pursued a relationship with my cousin years ago.  Things ended up in our favor and we married last year, but it took us over 30 years to finally realize that if we didn't pursue our own happiness, nobody else would do it for us.

Don't allow anyone to shame you.  You are doing nothing wrong.  Your family does not get to live your life.  And if they really love you, they will want you to find love with the one who makes you happy.

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