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love Cousins but regular people nevertheless, list of mistakes

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Hi everyone,

So I posted here once (under a different username ct2011, I couldn't remember my password and changed email address so had to register again), a year and a half ago about discovering new and unexpected feelings toward my first cousin. I have been away from this site so that I could take my mind off the subject but still, sometimes, I came to have a look a find some comfort.

Just the usual important details, I am now 29 and he is 33. We are now as we were at the time, both single and with no children.

I have been through different phases during this time and some things have happened.

Early 2012, we met to ?talk? after both of us admitted being attracted to each other. The talk was never really a talk as things escalated and became physical quite quickly. That was mistake #1.

We didn?t talk about it like grown-ups afterwards. That was mistake #2.

I know I didn?t because at the time I didn?t know what my feelings were exactly nor what I wanted to do with them. I don?t know his reasons for keeping silent.

We spoke again a few months later, he suggested meeting again, just the two of us and I said I didn't think it was a good idea. I thought it was for the best and I tried as hard as I could to just forget about it all.

A few more months went by until we saw each other at a family reunion and everything started again. The stares, the touches, all there like before. We agreed to meet a few days after and it was like the previous time. We got physical but didn?t discuss anything.

Neither of us tried to actually have a proper conversation about what we were doing. That was mistake #3.

I tried to brush it off as before except that it didn?t work that time. So I bit the bullet and told him how I felt and he basically said that we had to forget about it and move on.

So I tried to do that and I was getting better because just putting myself out there and telling him about my feelings removed a huge weight of my shoulders and I was finally able to sleep again, despite being sad.

Fast forward a couple of months we arrange a ?civilized? coffee just to catch up. Well, surprise, surprise? it wasn?t civilized. I could call this mistake #4 but I won?t. It was the best thing I could have done to understand once and for all that it will not ever be more than a sexual attraction from his part. He made it so clear that I can?t even be mad at him. For the first time in 2 years I actually know for sure what cards are on the table and it makes it easier for me to finally move on. I am definitely not interested in having a ?cousin with benefits?.

I guess it was very na?ve of me to think that because he was my cousin, it couldn?t just be about sex. Not to say that it was real love or anything like that, that?s absolutely not what I mean, I didn?t have the chance to explore my feelings properly and I wouldn't even claim to know what real love feels like. But you know, just something a little more than plain sex.

This is my story and I hope, in all honesty, that this will be my last topic here. It would mean that this story has indeed ended and there will be nothing more to tell. It will hopefully also mean that I have succeeded in giving my brain space for someone new and someone that wants the same things as me.

I wish all of you who are in a happy relationship all the best and to those of you who are pursuing one or trying to move on all the luck!

I just thought I would share my experience since I read a lot of stories here and it helped me not feeling alone. Thank you!  :smiley:

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Wow, 2011, thank you for sharing your story and its outcome. In a way, I'm sorry that you had to experience that and in another way, I'm glad that you were able to get to the truth and have the strength to walk away without becoming so emotionally involved that you would become a gutless toy for a playboy who is only interested in the physical aspect.

I wish you all the best in your future!


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