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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest BrownTown03

I Don't Know What to Do

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Guest BrownTown03

For the past 18 months I've had a major crush or my first cousin once removed. Over this time my feelings toward him has progressed rather rapidly. Unfortunately I'm 13 and hes 28.  

To start, we have lived our entire lives as neighbors. Up until early September of 2015 I never thought much of him, but that all changed. In December, I was driving myself insane. I thought I was crazy because I had feelings for my cousin. With sleepless nights and countless hours of research I came to be okay with the idea. Then I bought a few online background checks. Just to be safe. After I came to terms with this I started spending time with him and his family. I started going to every basketball game I could, because he was the assistant coach. On January 21, 2016, he lost his full time job. So once basketball season was over, he took on softball and baseball at my school. Of course I joined the team so I could be with him. I would ride home with him after practice. It was awkward at first but after time we started talking and (as far as I'm concerned) he had a good time together. After softball practice and on Saturdays he, his brother and I would go fishing and have private practices. Sometimes we would all go up to R.D. Bailey Lake, and fish all evening long. The Sunday before Easter I started going to his church. On May 22, I gave my life to the Lord. Then on June 26, he and my pastor baptized me in a creek right outside the church. I wanted him baptize me because I felt that he brought me closer to God. Before he baptized me, on June 11, after a family reunion just him and I heading down to a near by pond. We had a great time and on the way home that night he shared some very crazy stories with me. Then he told me about the night he got saved. We continued to grow closer, but in the Fall, when basket ball season came back in I decided to play. When we didn't have basketball practice we went deer hunting. Almost every Saturday we bundled up and sat in our tree stands in the freezing temperatures. As we grew closer it seemed as if we were becoming an old married couple even though our feelings were not mutual. On a couple occasions people has though that I'm his girlfriend. the first time his old boss seen us at McDonald's and went he asked I accidentally said yes and the second time, his uncle (no relation to me) asked if I was his girlfriend. We would pick at each other constantly. Over the smallest things. One night it was so bad that his brother had to make us stop. I remember after a high school game I asked him what super hero he would be and he told me Superman. I said that I'd be Wonder-woman, but to him that wasn't my character. So I asked him if I was more of a Lois Lane, Superman's girlfriend, and he thought that was more me. There was more to it than that but that was basically the story. On Christmas Day 2016, after we had opened gifts at my parents house, I get a message from him telling me to come over and get my gifts that him, his brother, and his parents had bought me. Then we had dinner at our aunt's house.  He kept staring at me and poking me playfully. Ever since softball season our aunt has had her suspicions about me having a crush on him, but I could never tell her that shes right. Now softball season has rolled back around and I'm so happy to get to be with him. When I'm with him he makes me the happiest person in the world, but there is difference between when were alone and when hes with his family. When were alone hes playful and says things that he doesn't and wouldn't say around his family. Like he sings cute little songs. Hes kind of protective over me as well. Like there was a situation where a guy was wanting "bad" pictures, and he got very upset about the incident. But when were in a crowd he kind of steers clear of me. I know I"m only 13 and many will say that its just infatuation, but this feels different from just thinking hes good looking. I see a future with him. I see him at the end of the aisle on our wedding day. I see him holding my hand while I'm in labor with out first-born child. I see him sitting across from me in a rocking chair when were 80. Not only because he has a nice body, but because I love his corny jokes, his sudden bursts of song that is out of tune, his baby blue eyes that I could get lost in, his subtle limp that he has because of a surgery when he was a kid, I love him because hes my absolute best friend and if I ever lost him I would lose myself. I know I sound crazy but if i tell him to wear a certain thing, he will. If I tell him to cut his hair a certain way or to grow out his beard, he will.  Those butterflies that people say they have, well I never had them. Instead of those butterflies I had a sense of security. When I'm with him I have always felt safe, and I've never felt like that with anyone. I don't intend to tell him how I feel until I'm 18, and then I still wont tell him if hes married or in a serious relationship. I just need someone's opinion on the situation. Right now, I'm in a really bad place in my life. For the past 2 years I've been severely depressed. I just think it would really improve my situation if someone could give me some advice, other than my friends.  

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would you mind going in and breaking this into smaller paragraphs? i'm having a hard time reading it!

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Even with the poor punctuation, I don't need to go past your first paragraph:  You're 13.  He's 28.  Once again, YOU'RE 13.  HE'S 28.  

If you have been struggling with depression since you were 11 years old, it's time for you to go to the doctor.  Immediately.  There are all kinds of causes of depression; both environment and biology can have a major influence on our mental health.  This is nothing to ignore!!  

You are 13, so hormones are in an uproar for you right now and the difference between infatuation and love can become blurred.  I won't dismiss your feelings for him, but I won't encourage them either.  At any age, a 15 year age difference is a big one.  When you are as young as you are, it's astromically big.  

My advice:  Get to a doctor to have your depression treated then go about the business of being 13.  Study hard so you can get into college, join a club or two at school, get a part-time job, be involved with your church youth group, learn to dance or play an instrument..... fill up your time with being a teenager and stay away from this 28 year old man.  And yes, that means blocking his cell phone number, unfriending him from social media and not going out of your way to maintain a relationship with him.  This may seem impossible to do, but it's not.  It will hurt you for a little while, but the more you are involved in school, community and friends that are appropriate for a young lady of 13, the easier it will get.  IF when you're 18 you still get butterflies when you're around him, come back to this site and we will help you through.  For now, keep your distance and enjoy being 13!

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Have you thought about doing some sort of volunteer "work" in your area? Such as helping in an animal shelter, you won't get paid since you are under age but that could be a great way to distract you by helping others, and help with the depression. Other activities such as scouts could also help, look for something in your area. Focus on improving yourself and try to let go the thoughts that are related to your much older cousin. 

Also, as Serendipity said, you must check yourself with a professional, you could have some sort of chemical "deficiency" in your body that could be causing it and with a proper treatment, you'll get better.

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Come back to him and see if he feels the same when your 18. You're much too young to feel these things, and you can get him in a lot of trouble by trying to do anything right now.

Not trying to upset you, but again, your really young to develop such feelings. You may not think they are infatuations right now, but see how you feel in 3 or even 5 years. When I was 13 I had a heck of a time too, parents divorcing and everything else crazy that can happen. But like the other people have said, you are too young, and you need to realize how it would look to your family, not to mention other people, to have a 28 year old trying to get with a 13 year old. He could go to jail potentially for it even, which isn't fair for him. Even if it's you with these feelings, People will look to the adult and blame falls there, not with the teenager. 

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