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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Heartbroken

I'm in love with my 2nd cousin

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Guest Heartbroken

So my father's cousin, my 2nd cousin, and I have known each other my entire life. I always had a crush on him as a younger girl.  He is fourteen years older than me. He's now 51 and I'm 38. We met, again, a few years ago, and since that meeting, the crush on him grew stronger and stronger. We flirted via text messages and pics and have had steady contact with each other. Last week, he and I met again, knowing what we both wanted from each other, physically. The moment he kissed me and looked into my eyes, my heart was his. He then made sweet love to me.  I'm married, but I'm in love with him and not sure he feels the same way. I want to be with him and could see us together, forever. I've never felt love for anyone, the way I do for him. It's all I think about and I don't want to have this sexual encounter make him question us or make him avoid me. I would be completely devastated! I don't know whether to leave him alone or keep trying to have a relationship with him. Has anyone ever dealt with this, specifically, and what should I do or not do?

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Generally speaking, relationships that start as affairs don't end well. Does it not bother you that you cheated on your husband? You talk about loving your cousin, but what about the man you did in fact promise to spend forever with?

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for one thing, your father's cousin would be your first cousin once removed, NOT your second cousin.

for another thing, there was a time in your life when you were in love with a man that you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with. you wanted to grow old with him. you probably had children with him. what happened to that love? did it just get old, tired, and boring? probably. happiness turned to contentment turned to complacency. 

that is the normal cycle of relationships. it takes hard work to keep that spark alive, or to renew that spark once it's started getting cold. that's human nature. just because you find someone new doesn't change human nature. if you left your husband and married your cousin, it would be a matter of time before you'd be discontent with him, too. and that he'd also become discontented with you. 

how long have you been married? what was your husband like when you married him? not NOW, but then! i want to know what qualities he posessed when you fell in love with him. tell me about your children... do you have any? don't respond by comparing your marriage to your cousin, i have already heard about how you feel regarding your cousin. i only want to hear about your family... specifically i want you to go daytripping down memory lane for a few minutes. 

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