I'm sure this is a long shot, but I was wondering if there is such a thing as a local support group for married cousins. I am very thankful for the online support we can get from this site, but I think my husband and I would benefit from getting to know others personally in the same situation as we are. We currently live in Mesa, Arizona. If there are any other married cousins in our area, perhaps we could get together in person for support and fellowship.
If anyone can answer me this I'd very much appreciate it.
My first cousin and I were very close back in our younger years. We would hang around many times and have lots of fun going out to clubs etc.. One time, when I was 20 and he was 19 (he's one year younger) he came on to me. He was inexperienced at the time and was holding in I guess his feelings for too long so he must have lost control of his hormones. I admit I panicked and pushed him away. He didn't say anything. I remember his face after rejecting him-he seemed disappointed and embarrased. We just carried on from that day as if nothing happened though.
Nevertheless, when one day I decided to move to Canada, he never came to see me at the airport as he had promised so. Three years later, when he found out I was getting married and saw a photo of the man who I was going to marry, he called me at work to tell me what the hell was I doing with this man and that I was making a mistake. I called my aunt (his mother) and asked her why did he do this? and she told me ''because your cousin loves you honey''... I was stunned hearing this and confused not knwoing what my aunt really meant. Was she telling me that my cousin loves me as his cousin or was it something else?..In any case, it turned out he was right.
The man I married was a monster..So years passed being unhappy though I'd still talk with my cousin once in a while over the phone. Then I met my second husband or second nightmare that is.
I remember when my cousin called me again after seeing me in a photo with my 3 year old daughter to tell me how good and beautiful I still looked but I still thought he was just being nice and all. After my second divorce, I reunited with him. We hadnt seen each other for nearly 20 years altogether.
He was excited to see me and he would come and sleep on my aunt's uncomfotable couch even though he had a very nice place of his own. One day his girlfriend showed up and she'd be all over him but he would not touch her (at least in front of me). Few days later we had our first argument and I was shocked to hear him say that I made a big mistake moving to another country and about marrying the men I did..I was hurt but he was so right...
Later, I tried putting all the pieces together wondering if my cousin was in love with me and simply cared for me deeply. I was quite prudish at the time and taboos were still an issue. After our arguement, we stopped seeing each other and we met again three years later at my uncle's funeral (his father). I walked into the church to see him wearing black shades standing alone in a corner.
I went to him and just hugged him cautiously feeling unsure about his response. Ill never forget how tight he held me, as if he needed to feel my body next to his. At least, that was my interprentation. After the funeral, we all met at my aunt's house for coffee and he was avoiding me most of the time. Only when I got up to leave my cup at the sink, he told me 'take mine too'...
My aunt reassured me he is holding no grudges against me and she has been telling me many times to just go and visit him at his office. I did. He was warm with me. We talked. I noticed right away, that he was fidgeting and shaking his leg nervously. He asked how have I been doing and told him about my new job while also stupidly mentioning I was seeing a man though not in a serious relationship.I was thinking that we are grown people and he wouldn't judge me negatively about this. Surprisingly, our meeting was short and he wouldn't even treat me to a cup of coffee, something he always used to do! Upon leaving, he caressed lightly my cheek and gave me a soft hug. That was it.
He's been asking my aunt how am I doing but he has never called me once since then. Is it that I have disappointed him in some way? Why is he avoiding me so much?? Btw, he has never married neither does he have any children. He has had many relationships but never stayed faithful to any of the women he dated...Now more than ever, I think about him very intensely realising he must have loved me at a time..So sad..
Hey everyone... It's been awhile since I made a post because I've been busy with school and taking care of other things... But lately I am stuck in a jam and I need some advice on how to handle this situation... Is it going to be a long story because I'm going to give you the background of it and I'm going to give you the details of what's going on right now.
The background is that me and my second cousin and conversations about being in a relationship for months... We get on the phone and talk for hours and hours about how we going to be together and things of that nature... And it was wonderful. But her dad find little bit about it and she got discouraged because her dad tell her no... My parents found out about it and I told them that I'm okay with it... Because common sense is that it's legal in the United States to marry your second cousin... I'm not going to act like it's wrong when it clearly shows that is not illegal... Is not even immoral wrong because a lot of people do in this world and most of them don't even know it... Because we all technically cousins... But anyway and that her dad find out she stopped talking to me because of that... But then for a guy with a kind heart I be optimistic about it and hope one day that we can start over and have a relationship... But I have to get through the dad... Her dad...
And speaking about her dad... Last month he post something on Facebook and he's a pastor.. he posed something that says " if the boat is sinking look for the voice of guy"... Now obviously it's most likely seem like a metaphor.. but I asked a simple question of why not using a tool to stop a boat from sinking instead of looking for a voice to a lot of people is not going to hear... He got pissed and decided to block me on Facebook and technically threaten me by saying that he's going to tell my dad because I asked him a simple question and claiming that I lack respect... And tell my dad and my dad checked him is saying that how is my son like respect that he asked you a simple question in the past they apologized for me on the phone... It happen in November...
So my dad told me that one day me and the past is going to have a conversation together to understand our different perspective... I am a agnostic atheist and he's a Christian pastor... I went to explain to him that it's okay for me and his daughter to be in a relationship... I don't want to mess it up because I got one shot to do this right in my opinion... I believe that if he's okay with it and allow his daughter to do what she wants to do and encourage her for that... I believe that she will come around and we start a new slate... She's 20 and I'm 21...
Any advice would really help... Even if all of y'all say that Leviticus show you that you can be in a relationship with your cousin is true.. but it's how do you deliver the message to his ears for him to give the thumbs up...
I have not talked to her since July and I have been patiently waiting to have this conversation.. thanks
OK for the sake of this post her name is going to be Sharkesha. I'm sorry this is long, but I need to express everything and I hope you guys understand and continue to still read it.
I really like my first cousin Sharkesha. She is so beautiful and adorable but she's 17 and I'm 24. We're cousins, so I don't want anything between us, no dating, no sex etc. We don't talk that much because she's shy. I do have immense paranoia though.
I really like Sharkesha and want to know if she likes me back. She lives on the other side of the country. Me and my family visit them and other relatives in California every year for a few weeks and everytime I just can't stop thinking about her.
I don't care if she likes me or not because we can't go out anyways. I just want to know if she does like me or not because it will ease my paranoia so much anytime I see her. If she likes me, I will always know that she likes me when we see each other. If she doesn't like me but just as a cousin, I'll will always know that which is perfectly fine.
Sharkesha is hella bipolar I feel. One day it seems like she likes me because one day she sometimes would look at me and then if I catch her, she'll immediately turn her head or eyes away but I only noticed it one night. Then the next day it would seem like she doesn't know I'm even there and her attitude seems like she's very tired or pissed off or depressed about something. I don't know.
How can I tell if she likes me?
I mean like one time they invited us to dinner at a nice place so I wore a dope red jeans with sick button down shirt and banging black shoes with nice hair style kind of. I walked out the car looking like a million bucks. I see her right outside the door of her car staring at me. IDK it felt like she saw what I was wearing and all that and thought in her head "damn he looks good." Im just assuming though. We walked over to them and we were giving our hugs and kisses as a way of greeting our relatives like we always do. It kind of did look like she was very excited to give me a hug then. She smiled and said "hey" as she gave me a hug with a little giggle like she normally does but with a little more giggle in it then normal. At the restaurant, Sharkesha wasn't directly in front of me sitting but off to the side where she was kind of the third wheel in the conversations me, my sisters and Sharkesha's brother were having. She couldn't really hear the conversation much. She would glance over at me a lot that night (the way I looked maybe? IDK). When I was talking, I would glance at her to let her know she's a part of the conversation and not a third wheel. Everytime I speak in general, to her or a group she's in, she would smile at me while listening but not 100% sure if she does it to others as well. I need to pay attention to that. She would laugh at some stupid things I say or do that not many would laugh at.
One more thing we did that I want to mention. They invited us to go to the beach for 2 days and stay at a hotel. I work out so I have some abs, so I'm looking my sexiest with wet hair and some muscle, lean, trunks on, shirtless (no I'm not narcissistic or anything) My goodness though, she is looking beautiful with her bathing suit and everything (OK I'm not a pedo or anything, she just looks so much more adorable and cute like in a highschool crush kind of way but in a bathing suit). I can't take it with her looking beautiful as ever not just at the pool but in general as well. We went to the pool and she looks a few times at me but I wasn't paying attention if she was looking at me in the crush kind of way but IDK. Me, Sharkesha and my sisters get into the pool and yes she's laughing at some dumb things I say and some things I'm doing. Also smiling as well whenever I'm talking or doing something directed at her. I still don't know but I swore I saw her as I was in the pool and she was laying out that she was secretly recording me but who knows.
The thing that worried me was we went to the ocean and decided to take a selfie with the family towards the end of the day. My face is not fully in the frame, so Sharkesha says a little loud but happily to me "get in the frame." as she says that she reaches over and pushes my shoulder (more like a long but quick tap) to get me closer to the camera. As she does that, she cuts herself off and stops talking while immediately moving her hand quickly from my shoulder area. We take the photo and she is almost dead silent the rest of the night. Her bipolar kicks in (not sure if she has it, I'm just assuming) and forgets I'm even there. She walks farthest away from everyone in front. She was doing that the whole night. Barley talking, waking farthest from everyone and seemed like she was depressed at certain times but was kind of hiding it I feel and in a rush when going back to hotel.
I don't know what's wrong with her. Maybe something is bothering her IDK. I feel like its me. Like right after the shoulder thing, bipolar kicks in. I mean yea, the bipolar happened before a few times but I don't know if she knows I like her or not but maybe that's bothering her, I don't know.
I need help. I really like her and want to know if she likes me. I can't tell. It was her birthday a week ago and I wrote on her facebook wall "Happy B-Day Sharkesha!!" she liked the comment and responded with "Thanks Chad ❤❤" I happen to upload a new profile picture that day which she liked right after she liked my Happy Birthday to her. The thing is, she never likes my facebook posts. I only get on facebook like once a month, not even sometimes because facebook is going downhill which is the reason my FB is not to engaging amongst others with likes and comments etc. but maybe that's besides the point I don't know.
Please help. Does she like me, does she not? Does she know I like her, does she not. Is nothing happening and I'm just thinking it is. What should I do? My paranoia with all this is making me depressed and thinking to much about her, I can't take it.