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ibrahim

My cousin doesn't wanted to marry me

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Aaaa!

It starts when I was in 7th grade in 2007 or 8. I start liking her since then but I wasn't knew anything my father was in the army so we didn't have sources to be in contact.

Her mother died when she 3 years old and her father also leave this world in 2016. So she is very sensitive but actually opposite to that. 

last year her aunt wanted her to marry her son he is almost 10 years elder than her. But she refused by saying he is my brother and I don't wanna marry him. By this, I felt I am losing something I told her my feelings that I loved her. I am working in UAE we do text each other every day mostly I do if I will not be then she will be surely texting. The same story is with me she said that she doesn't wanna marry me coz I'm her cousin brother I am a Muslim so in Islam it's allowed to marry the cousin. She is very hard heart kinda girl I mean no kindness even though if I will be telling her about my feeling or anything like this she will be usually saying hmmmmmmmmmm. ok. It makes me angry coz she doesn't have any feelings even after knowing my feelings and her attitude he still texts me talk to me but usually won't pick up the call.

I've tried so hard since last year but nothing happens to her. The worst part is these things are affecting my daily life my friends are complaining about the change of nature in me I don't talk much doesn't smilies it affects so badly even I will be telling her anything about this she will not be understanding IDK why. She mostly takes my talk as a joke and I always keep her into the conversation and she also ready to leave.

I really tried to forget her but 24 hours a day she stays in my mind.

 

Help me to have her.

Thanks 

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It's kind of hard to tell much about your situation from your message. How old are you? What country are you in? If your cousin is hard-hearted, why do you want to marry her?

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i suspect you're not going to appreciate what i'm about to say, but what you are describing isn't the kind of love that would last long term anyway. it's unrequited love that has NO solid foundation. it doesn't even sound like you two ever had a solid friendship, although i realize your short message could be leaving out a lot of detail. but in any case, she doesn't feel the same towards you.

the fact that you love her to distraction, and that it is affecting your relationships with other people, indicate that this is something called infatuation.  it's a normal feeling, but you're fixating on her, and it's not a healthy one, and it's not going to go anywhere good. 

like it or not, you need to let it go and move on. accept her as a friend/relative and be supportive of her in whatever path her life takes. choose to be happy for her when she does find someone to love. but make up your mind now that YOU are not going to be that someone, and stop obsessing.

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18 hours ago, MissPrice said:

It's kind of hard to tell much about your situation from your message. How old are you? What country are you in? If your cousin is hard-hearted, why do you want to marry her?

 

I am about 22 and she is 20. I am from Azad Kashmir Google it maybe you don't know.

The Past she has is difficult maybe that makes her like hard-hearted and that's the reason and the attitude she has.

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15 hours ago, LadyC said:

i suspect you're not going to appreciate what i'm about to say, but what you are describing isn't the kind of love that would last long term anyway. it's unrequited love that has NO solid foundation. it doesn't even sound like you two ever had a solid friendship, although i realize your short message could be leaving out a lot of detail. but in any case, she doesn't feel the same towards you.

the fact that you love her to distraction, and that it is affecting your relationships with other people, indicate that this is something called infatuation.  it's a normal feeling, but you're fixating on her, and it's not a healthy one, and it's not going to go anywhere good. 

like it or not, you need to let it go and move on. accept her as a friend/relative and be supportive of her in whatever path her life takes. choose to be happy for her when she does find someone to love. but make up your mind now that YOU are not going to be that someone, and stop obsessing.

3

Thanks for your Answer though I was expecting such words.

 

what do you think 9 years are nothing "infatuation".

other's things you indicate I personally tried every day not to think like that be cool charming wanted to forget what happened but whenever she came to my mind things again blown away.

anger ness

some BP high issues, Although I am a super fit person

misbehaving with everyone and blah blah blah

 If have to leave then it's not possible completely coz i have to meet her on every vacation. coz her house is near mine.

 

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4 hours ago, ibrahim said:

The Past she has is difficult maybe that makes her like hard-hearted and that's the reason and the attitude she has.

I wasn't asking why she was hard-hearted though, I was asking why you would want to marry her, if you see her as hard-hearted. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't warm and affectionate.

On 3/7/2017 at 7:57 AM, ibrahim said:

it makes me angry coz she doesn't have any feelings even after knowing my feelings

No one ever owes anyone else love. You can't make your cousin feel anything for you, and your feelings don't oblige her to reciprocate. You can only offer her what you have, and then let her accept or reject you as she chooses. That's what love is: opening yourself up, and giving without the expectation of receiving.

 

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Quote

what do you think 9 years are nothing "infatuation".

sorry. i was trying to be uncharacteristically nice and not call it the way i see it.

nine years of feeling like this over someone who doesn't feel the same, and getting all worked up, angry, and raising your blood pressure is nothing short of OBSESSION. 

it's still not healthy. in fact, it's downright scary. especially for her. you need therapy.

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