Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • KC

      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
ibrahim

My cousin doesn't wanted to marry me

Recommended Posts

ibrahim    0

Aaaa!

It starts when I was in 7th grade in 2007 or 8. I start liking her since then but I wasn't knew anything my father was in the army so we didn't have sources to be in contact.

Her mother died when she 3 years old and her father also leave this world in 2016. So she is very sensitive but actually opposite to that. 

last year her aunt wanted her to marry her son he is almost 10 years elder than her. But she refused by saying he is my brother and I don't wanna marry him. By this, I felt I am losing something I told her my feelings that I loved her. I am working in UAE we do text each other every day mostly I do if I will not be then she will be surely texting. The same story is with me she said that she doesn't wanna marry me coz I'm her cousin brother I am a Muslim so in Islam it's allowed to marry the cousin. She is very hard heart kinda girl I mean no kindness even though if I will be telling her about my feeling or anything like this she will be usually saying hmmmmmmmmmm. ok. It makes me angry coz she doesn't have any feelings even after knowing my feelings and her attitude he still texts me talk to me but usually won't pick up the call.

I've tried so hard since last year but nothing happens to her. The worst part is these things are affecting my daily life my friends are complaining about the change of nature in me I don't talk much doesn't smilies it affects so badly even I will be telling her anything about this she will not be understanding IDK why. She mostly takes my talk as a joke and I always keep her into the conversation and she also ready to leave.

I really tried to forget her but 24 hours a day she stays in my mind.

 

Help me to have her.

Thanks 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MissPrice    19

It's kind of hard to tell much about your situation from your message. How old are you? What country are you in? If your cousin is hard-hearted, why do you want to marry her?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LadyC    98

i suspect you're not going to appreciate what i'm about to say, but what you are describing isn't the kind of love that would last long term anyway. it's unrequited love that has NO solid foundation. it doesn't even sound like you two ever had a solid friendship, although i realize your short message could be leaving out a lot of detail. but in any case, she doesn't feel the same towards you.

the fact that you love her to distraction, and that it is affecting your relationships with other people, indicate that this is something called infatuation.  it's a normal feeling, but you're fixating on her, and it's not a healthy one, and it's not going to go anywhere good. 

like it or not, you need to let it go and move on. accept her as a friend/relative and be supportive of her in whatever path her life takes. choose to be happy for her when she does find someone to love. but make up your mind now that YOU are not going to be that someone, and stop obsessing.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ibrahim    0
18 hours ago, MissPrice said:

It's kind of hard to tell much about your situation from your message. How old are you? What country are you in? If your cousin is hard-hearted, why do you want to marry her?

 

I am about 22 and she is 20. I am from Azad Kashmir Google it maybe you don't know.

The Past she has is difficult maybe that makes her like hard-hearted and that's the reason and the attitude she has.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ibrahim    0
15 hours ago, LadyC said:

i suspect you're not going to appreciate what i'm about to say, but what you are describing isn't the kind of love that would last long term anyway. it's unrequited love that has NO solid foundation. it doesn't even sound like you two ever had a solid friendship, although i realize your short message could be leaving out a lot of detail. but in any case, she doesn't feel the same towards you.

the fact that you love her to distraction, and that it is affecting your relationships with other people, indicate that this is something called infatuation.  it's a normal feeling, but you're fixating on her, and it's not a healthy one, and it's not going to go anywhere good. 

like it or not, you need to let it go and move on. accept her as a friend/relative and be supportive of her in whatever path her life takes. choose to be happy for her when she does find someone to love. but make up your mind now that YOU are not going to be that someone, and stop obsessing.

3

Thanks for your Answer though I was expecting such words.

 

what do you think 9 years are nothing "infatuation".

other's things you indicate I personally tried every day not to think like that be cool charming wanted to forget what happened but whenever she came to my mind things again blown away.

anger ness

some BP high issues, Although I am a super fit person

misbehaving with everyone and blah blah blah

 If have to leave then it's not possible completely coz i have to meet her on every vacation. coz her house is near mine.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MissPrice    19
4 hours ago, ibrahim said:

The Past she has is difficult maybe that makes her like hard-hearted and that's the reason and the attitude she has.

I wasn't asking why she was hard-hearted though, I was asking why you would want to marry her, if you see her as hard-hearted. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't warm and affectionate.

On 3/7/2017 at 7:57 AM, ibrahim said:

it makes me angry coz she doesn't have any feelings even after knowing my feelings

No one ever owes anyone else love. You can't make your cousin feel anything for you, and your feelings don't oblige her to reciprocate. You can only offer her what you have, and then let her accept or reject you as she chooses. That's what love is: opening yourself up, and giving without the expectation of receiving.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LadyC    98
Quote

what do you think 9 years are nothing "infatuation".

sorry. i was trying to be uncharacteristically nice and not call it the way i see it.

nine years of feeling like this over someone who doesn't feel the same, and getting all worked up, angry, and raising your blood pressure is nothing short of OBSESSION. 

it's still not healthy. in fact, it's downright scary. especially for her. you need therapy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Similar Content

    • By Harambe
      OK for the sake of this post her name is going to be Sharkesha. I'm sorry this is long, but I need to express everything and I hope you guys understand and continue to still read it. 
      I really like my first cousin Sharkesha. She is so beautiful and adorable but she's 17 and I'm 24. We're cousins, so I don't want anything between us, no dating, no sex etc. We don't talk that much because she's shy. I do have immense paranoia though. 
      I really like Sharkesha and want to know if she likes me back. She lives on the other side of the country. Me and my family visit them and other relatives in California every year for a few weeks and everytime I just can't stop thinking about her. 
      I don't care if she likes me or not because we can't go out anyways. I just want to know if she does like me or not because it will ease my paranoia so much anytime I see her. If she likes me, I will always know that she likes me when we see each other. If she doesn't like me but just as a cousin, I'll will always know that which is perfectly fine. 
      Sharkesha is hella bipolar I feel. One day it seems like she likes me because one day she sometimes would look at me and then if I catch her, she'll immediately turn her head or eyes away but I only noticed it one night. Then the next day it would seem like she doesn't know I'm even there and her attitude seems like she's very tired or pissed off or depressed about something. I don't know. 
      How can I tell if she likes me? 
      I mean like one time they invited us to dinner at a nice place so I wore a dope red jeans with sick button down shirt and banging black shoes with nice hair style kind of. I walked out the car looking like a million bucks. I see her right outside the door of her car staring at me. IDK it felt like she saw what I was wearing and all that and thought in her head "damn he looks good." Im just assuming though. We walked over to them and we were giving our hugs and kisses as a way of greeting our relatives like we always do. It kind of did look like she was very excited to give me a hug then. She smiled and said "hey" as she gave me a hug with a little giggle like she normally does but with a little more giggle in it then normal. At the restaurant, Sharkesha wasn't directly in front of me sitting but off to the side where she was kind of the third wheel in the conversations me, my sisters and Sharkesha's brother were having. She couldn't really hear the conversation much. She would glance over at me a lot that night (the way I looked maybe? IDK). When I was talking, I would glance at her to let her know she's a part of the conversation and not a third wheel.  Everytime I speak in general, to her or a group she's in, she would smile at me while listening but not 100% sure if she does it to others as well. I need to pay attention to that. She would laugh at some stupid things I say or do that not many would laugh at. 
      One more thing we did that I want to mention. They invited us to go to the beach for 2 days and stay at a hotel. I work out so I have some abs, so I'm looking my sexiest with wet hair and some muscle, lean, trunks on, shirtless (no I'm not narcissistic or anything)  My goodness though, she is looking beautiful with her bathing suit and everything (OK I'm not a pedo or anything, she just looks so much more adorable and cute like in a highschool crush kind of way but in a bathing suit). I can't take it with her looking beautiful as ever not just at the pool but in general as well. We went to the pool and she looks a few times at me but I wasn't paying attention if she was looking at me in the crush kind of way but IDK. Me, Sharkesha and my sisters get into the pool and yes she's laughing at some dumb things I say and some things I'm doing. Also smiling as well whenever I'm talking or doing something directed at her. I still don't know but I swore I saw her as I was in the pool and she was laying out that she was secretly recording me but who knows. 
      The thing that worried me was we went to the ocean and decided to take a selfie with the family towards the end of the day. My face is not fully in the frame, so Sharkesha says a little loud but happily to me "get in the frame." as she says that she reaches over and pushes my shoulder (more like a long but quick tap) to get me closer to the camera. As she does that, she cuts herself off and stops talking while immediately moving her hand quickly from my shoulder area. We take the photo and she is almost dead silent the rest of the night. Her bipolar kicks in (not sure if she has it, I'm just assuming) and forgets I'm even there. She walks farthest away from everyone in front. She was doing that the whole night. Barley talking, waking farthest from everyone and seemed like she was depressed at certain times but was kind of hiding it I feel and in a rush when going back to hotel. 
      I don't know what's wrong with her. Maybe something is bothering her IDK. I feel like its me. Like right after the shoulder thing, bipolar kicks in. I mean yea, the bipolar happened before a few times but I don't know if she knows I like her or not but maybe that's bothering her, I don't know. 
      I need help. I really like her and want to know if she likes me. I can't tell. It was her birthday a week ago and I wrote on her facebook wall "Happy B-Day Sharkesha!!" she liked the comment and responded with "Thanks Chad ❤❤" I happen to upload a new profile picture that day which she liked right after she liked my Happy Birthday to her. The thing is, she never likes my facebook posts. I only get on facebook like once a month, not even sometimes because facebook is going downhill which is the reason my FB is not to engaging amongst others with likes and comments etc. but maybe that's besides the point I don't know. 
      Please help. Does she like me, does she not? Does she know I like her, does she not. Is nothing happening and I'm just thinking it is. What should I do? My paranoia with all this is making me depressed and thinking to much about her, I can't take it.
    • By kumar
      on my previous topic i told what had happened between me any my cousin 
      on short
      I'm 21 yr old male shes 19 yr old (my mothers younger sister's daughter) we had a spark between us for many years, we will always use physical contact to test our boundaries you know the usual accidental boob touch and butt squeeze/slapping , 2 months ago i visited her and we talked to a bit before leaving i asked for a hug and she hugged me the words "I love you" slipped out of my mouth there was a awkward silence for a moment, i panicked and wanted to do something to end the silence and suddenly slapped her butt(both sides), she told me not to touch her and i replied that if she didn't like it, she didn't answer that and again i asked that we used to touch each other all the time, she replied "that was when we were younger" (we used to do this kind of stuff on a monthly basis don't know what she meant by that) after that I wanted to change the topic and asked her to come to my house anytime she wanted,she replied "after 10 days i will because of work", after that on the same day i called her to see if she is still annoyed with me she talked normally, 4 days after that i found out she had blocked me on all social media, i thought she wanted time to process the things that happened and i gave her some space and time to time without wanting to disturbing her (its been 2 months since this happened),10 days ago i downloaded a random chat app and found she was in it, but i didn't want to disturb or annoy her further so i kept quite,4 days ago i found out that she also blocked me on that app too.
      what if she never wants to talk to me again? or she told her parents about what had happened?
      i really love her and I am sure that she has feelings for me as well.....I don't know what happened this time
      I really want to get back to her ,things between us are on and off most of the time but she always gets back but this time its taking too long I'm worried she might never want to be with me again
      additional information
      one of my older cousin (female) married her cousin (her father's older sister's son) if was months ago (our family circle accepts marriage's like this) that was the time when things started getting more serious between me and her but there is a problem our family circle accepts cross cousin relationships but sadly parallel cousin relationships are a taboo 
      we never really talked about our relationship or marriage we only used to do some physical contact stuff to each other (a lot!), i think i scared her off by telling that i love her or it could be the butt slapping thing i really don't know
      i haven't tried calling her out of fear 
      I'm arranging a get together with all the cousins and i really want her to come so i can talk with her (don't know how to invite her need any advice or help with on the invite plan) 
      I'm hoping that being with all the other cousins will ease her and make her more comfortable to talk with me 
      this is my plan so far (feel free to tell me if there is anything wrong with this idea or how to execute this plan) i really need all the help i can get, I don't want to lose her 
      i know most of you guys went through some kindof problems with your cousins before having a relationship with them so you know or kindof relate to what I'm going through right now please please try to help
       
       
    • By Vultyr
      Hello my, name is JD.
      And iv fallen for my first cousin. I have told her about these feelings, and she was very kind to me. Tho she is very scared of the idea. Both of us grew up with religious influince tho md morr so than her. We spent most of my teen and adult life states away with visits once or twice a year. Tho i have allways had a strange intrest in her its when as adults she grabed my heart. I dont think anything will come from this, but its worth posting. Iv told her id never force anythong on her or pressure her. And to this day is still duper kind and nice to me. Tho my anxiety gets to me around her. What i need help with simple. What do i do with these feelings? I can never not find her atractive or awesome. So if nothing comes of it how do i act like just another family member? How do i deal with threse emotions?
    • By Freyaaa
      Me and my cousin that I LOVE, are not close before. He left Philippines when he was 4 and he grew up in other country.
      When he was like 10 years old, he came back, I was just 6 back then, were not close and we didn't even talk before, and he left philippines again and he came back again like 3 years ago, that was 2009 and same thing, I don't even remember if we did talked before coz I'm shy to him and the thing is.. I have crush on him.
       
      So now 2017, he came back again for like 7 YEARS. When the first time I saw him for so many years, I was like wow, he grew up handsome and gorgeous. Then at first I'm still shy to him, and I have this feeling that makes my heart beat faster, I know this sounds corny but that is really how I feel everytime I see him. Then we got close, everytime he go out he alwas asking me if I can go with him. At first I was so shy but I got used to it. We became so close, hang out alot, he always prefers to be with me.
      Then the day before he leaves, there's the heavy feeling in my heart. Then at like 1 in the morning were still up, just the two of us. Just talking about things, then I can't take it anymore. I cried in front of him coz I'm so sad thinking that he's leaving tomorrow, he comfort me, hold my hand, and saying always that he will come back as soon as he can. Then he kissed my forehead for like 5 seconds before we go to our own rooms to sleep. I find it sooo sweet of him.
      Then when since he left, he made facebook just for me so we can still have communication somehow, it sucks that we don't have the same time interval but we still find a way to atleast talk even if we just talk about holy crapoly!, I feel so entertained and he told me he also feel the same.
      Since he left, everytime I dream he's always there, AND the thing is he also experiencing the same also!!
      Then now he keeps on calling me 'boo boo', I searched what is the meaning of that and it says that its other term for 'my love'.
      This is the first time I felt like this. It feels so strong. I feel like we have a connection but I don't know what kind of connection is this.
      Please help me coz I don't know what to do anymore.
    • By Just_Cory
      I'm attracted to my first cousin (female) as long as I can remember and I currently developed really strong sexual feelings for her. I'm 18 years- old and a very shy and innocent guy, she is 20 very funny and a little bit crazy but I like that. Our families are very close and we kinda grew up together because we saw each other like every two months as kids. I think there has always been a sexual tension between us because she has been tempting me and flirting with me all the time when we were younger.

      Last year we went on vacation together with our grandparents, my sister and my parents. Me, my sister and my cousin slept together in the same room and my sister shared a bed with my cousin. But at one night I managed to sleep with them in their bed because we watched a movie on my tablet together. When my cousin suddenly felt asleep I started pressing my lap against her A$$ and massaged her long legs, it was such a nice feeling. Afterwards I turned around to sleep but I realised that she was touching my butt with her face and I still don't know If she was doing that on purpose. I turned around and started to hug her from behind but she left the room afterwards, at first I thought she was just going to the toilet but she went to my grandmother's room and rested there. I was really affraid that she would tell our grandma what I did. I really hope I didn't scare her or disgusted her by my actions. On the next morning we went to the beach and I had a conversation with my cousin, I said that I move a lot when I sleep and apologized for taking up her space on the bed the night before, she just nodded in approval. Later that day she was "accidentally" grabbing my butt in the ocean but my sister was around so I just ignored it. Two days later I found out that she had a boyfriend and not only that, he went on vacation with his family in the exact same city as we did what a crappy coincidence... they met up really often.
      I didn't talk to my cousin that much since then but on the last night before our family was leaving (my cousin was about to stay with my grandparents) I went all in. I slept with her in the same bed again and pretended to be asleep but she was awake. I pressed my lab against her butt again there was no sign that she didn't like it she was just texting with her boyfriend so she didn't really care I was even able to caress her A$$ but she didn't respond to it. Maybe it was cause of her boyfriend or because my sister was around or the fact that she was on her period on that day. I was tired so I fell asleep, on the next day we drove back home.

      One year later a couple of weeks ago to be exact we visited my grandparents, my cousin was there too. She told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. Later I catched her leaving the shower only wearing a towel, she smiled at me and accidentally dropped her comb, she bend forward to pick it up, I was able to see her hot butt again. On that evening we were alone watching TV in the living room, she felt asleep on the couch and was wearing a hot tight leggings. I said "pretty late tho" to make sure she was really asleep, she didn't responded, good sign. Then I went to the toilet when I returned I catched her looking at me with one eye open. I was too anxious to touch her so I just went to bed.
      I recently texted her to start a conversation but she didn't bother to reply.
      Yeah that's why I decided to post this thread, please help me I can't stop thinking about her.

      What do I do now? Is she interested in me? Is she really sexually attracted to me or am I just reading her signals wrong? Should I tell her about my feelings?
×