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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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2nd Cousin, does he feel the same?

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Hello,

So I have a 2nd cousin that lives overseas, and doesn't speak English. I also don't speak his language, but ever since we were children, I have had a massive crush on him (he is 20 and I am 19 now). I rarely get to see him due to the distance between us, but every time I do I still feel an intense attraction to him. I've never told him how I felt, or acted upon it in any way because of the reaction I would get from the rest of my family - he was apparently flirting with me when I visited 3 years ago, and my dad and grandma scolded him.

Recently, we reconnected online and I started a conversation with him, which has been giving me mixed signals. Sometimes he reads and doesn't reply to my messages, but at other times he is overtly flirtatious, sending me lovehearts and stickers. When he does hold a conversation with me, it flows really well ~ a few days ago, we videocalled and he introduced me to his friends there with him during the call as his girlfriend. The same day, we messaged later on (around midnight in his country), and he sent me links to love songs talking about missing people, loving them from afar and having confusing feelings. I told him that because of the songs he was sending that I thought he was trying to tell me something, to which he replied that he "has the right to remain silent" and sent laughing stickers. I sent him a link to an English love song, which he then screenshot and posted onto instagram with a heart emoji. He has also posted pictures on Instagram about being in pain, drinking to forget feelings and loving somebody that is far away, all whilst having conversations with me or soon after they've ended. He's also joked about kissing me as a "punishment" for teasing me, told me of his own free will that he misses me and has said he wants to take me places in the future.

I'm just confused as to whether he actually likes me because the conversations always end with him reading the message and not replying, making me think he doesn't want to talk to me. I feel really clingy because of it and I am constantly thinking about him and if any kind of romance is possible but I just don't know...please help 

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sorry, a few corrections: 

~ kissing as a punishment for teasing him, not me 

~ I think he is actually my 1st cousin once removed? he is my uncles grandson (dad's brother's son's son) 

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MissPrice    19

So my first question would be: what kind of romance are you hoping is possible? If he lives overseas and you don't speak the same language (I'm curious how you manage to have conversations, that being the case), that limits the potential for a relationship pretty severely. Additionally, I'm assuming that if there are language and country differences, there are also cultural differences. None of these are insurmountable barriers, but they certainly make things more complicated. If he were to tell you he was in love with you, what then? Would you have a long-distance relationship? Would you go to him? Want him to come to you? It sounds like he's flirting with you, but he's probably not sure where that can go. I'm not sure either, thus the question: what do you want to have happen?

 

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At the moment, I'm just hoping for a definite answer on how he feels about me - if I'm lucky enough and he does have feelings for me, I'd be prepared to have a long distance (secret) relationship, if that's what it takes. We've always used online translators to talk, but I am currently trying to learn his language to overcome the barrier. Although we live in different countries, I have a sense of what his culture is like as my dad implements elements of it at home in this country.

 If he is flirting with me as you say, I can't understand why he has ignored my messages more than once - would you say this is an indicator that he doesn't know how to pursue this?

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MissPrice    19

Unfortunately, I don't think anyone on this forum can answer your question - the only person who can is your cousin. There are countless reasons he may message/not message you. I must say though, I don't know of a lot of 20 year old men who would be willing to commit themselves to a long-distance relationship, but I do know a lot who would flirt under pretty much any circumstances.

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Serendipity    68

Online translators are notoriously unreliable and they are no good for the nuances of a conversation.  

This is no way to start a romance.  Distance, combined with the language barrier really do make it impossible.  

My best guess is that he is playing around with a cute, young American girl and he has no intentions of a serious relationship.  If you were my daughter (my own daughters are your age), I would advise you to stop communicating with him.  If he has any real intentions towards you, he will be in touch with you,  But at least for now, you need to give it a rest.  The longer you try to make something of this the more likely you are to get hurt.

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Okay, after reading what you both had to say I've decided to try and let go of any hopes I have of being with him in some way...it'll be difficult but I'll stop talking to him for a while. Thank you both for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate your advice

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