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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Katie

Anxious not to have friends find out

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Guest Katie   
Guest Katie

Hi, I've posted on here a few times. I've been married for 15 years to my 2nd cousin. We have two children who are coming up to tween age. I know at some time the question of family history will come up and my children will then know and dependent on how they feel will then share the information with others. I don't want people to know about our family history, only our families know and I feel very uncomfortable talking about it. Has anyone else experienced this, either as a child of cousin relationship or a couple? Thanks 

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RIVA    2

My guess is that you should consult a therapist/counselor, on how to get over that uncomfortable feeling. Your kids will find out the truth sooner or later so you might want to be ready to not feel (again, as you wrote) "uncomfortable" with it, Besides, he is your 2nd cousin! It is way "more" accepted to everyone than 1st cousins. 

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LadyC    99

katie, you are second cousins. this is not a big deal. seriously, it's legal ANYWHERE in the world, there are NO genetic problems resulting from 2nd cousins marrying and having children, and most people really aren't going to think twice about it.

you seriously need to seek counseling, you and your husband together, and learn to accept your marriage and kinship. if you don't, then you're going to pass on a stigma of shame to your children. ideally they should have been raised with the knowledge so that they would never have thought anything wrong with it... but hindsight is 20/20. the thing you need to do now is change how YOU see it, so that your children don't pick up on the negative vibes when you tell them about it. and that should be soon... but not sooner than you can get your own head wrapped around it.

i've met people on this site who were not told until they were older, and they did pick up on their parents shame. it wasn't a pretty sight. they were emotional basketcases, filled with bitterness and anger and self-loathing. please, for the sake of your kids, find a therapist who can help you reconcile this in your own heart.

 

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Guest Katie   
Guest Katie

My children don't really know as it has never come up. We were born in different countries and didn't meet until our twenties. Therefore our mothers - cousins - rarely see each other and really treat each other more like mothers of us than cousins to each other. We both have very small families and there has just never seemed reason to explain it further. 

thank you for your thoughts which really help me, I did make an appointment with my therapist today so hopefully that will help me process this better and be prepared for my children. I really don't want them to feel any shame. 

 

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