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Guest Franco

My second cousin is coming to stay with me for two months

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Guest Franco

I have never completely believed in the concept of marriage and have decided not to get married for the heck of it. It is in this context that I want to ask for your advice about by second cousin. She is single and elder to me by three years. I am a single guy and although i have been in multiple relationships before, i was always in love with this second cousin of mine. A few months back, i ended up confessing my feelings for her on phone. She said she had no such feelings for me. I moved on and didnt bother her at all for two months. A few days back she called me asking for help. She said she is shifting to my town for her new job and she does not have a place to stay. She wants to stay with me for a month or two until she finds an alternative accomodation. She knows I stay alone. She also knows that i love her. God knows how I am going to control my feeling for her in the next one or two months. I am confused. Does she like me? Should I again try to talk to her about my feelings? What is she upto? Is she taking advantage of my feelings? Or is she herself confused? I m really struggling to understand my cousins perspective of interpreting this situation. Please help me with some suggestions guys. 

Thank you

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When I was younger I would have felt extremely uncomfortable to stay in a home with someone who had confessed being in love with me. Unless of course I had some kind of feelings towards him.

I think this would be a good time for you to discuss with her what expectations she has. Find out what her boundaries are. Let her know again that you have feelings for her. Be straight up with her and tell her that you don't want her to exploit your feelings any more than she wants you to exploit her.

Finding out what her expectations are and laying some ground rules is going to be the first step. And then you can decide from there whe

ther you should have her move in with you. You can always help her to find another place to live. You have friends and other resources to help you find suitable accommodations for her if your place is not a viable option.

 

 

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Communication is the basis, but is there any way that you can help her search for a new place that it isn't your house?

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i think she has financial problems and hence she wont be able to afford an apartment for the first two months. 

The writing is on the wall, isnt it? I am being exploited here. May be she doesnt want to consciously exploit me but this is her only way out i guess.

How am i supposed to allow her to stay with me for two months and control my feelings for her? Is it even humanly possible? I m crazy about this girl. 

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I hate to say it Franco, but I think you're probably right that she's trying to exploit you. If she told you clearly that she wasn't interested, and now she's just saying she wants help, it's probably not that's she reconsidered a romantic relationship. If this is what it looks like, it's an incredibly difficult and unfair position to put you in. I would be inclined to tell her no, but if you do decide to let her, Lady C is right, make sure the communication is good and the boundaries are clear.

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you need to sit down, like i suggested, and discuss with her what the boundaries will be. let her know you are concerned about being able to control your feelings, and ask if she still is not interested in that way. and if she still has no feelings for you but thinks that you'll somehow have no problem controlling yours, or if she jokingly tells you she can keep your feelings and actions in check, then offer to help her find another solution.

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