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RIVA

Would it be "bad" not telling them?

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A short update from this post: we haven´t told our family about our relationship therefore we are not living together, mainly due to my indecisiveness to try to find the "right" moment and follow the "flow". Plus, his boss hasn´t sent him to "Y" city yet but he'll definetly send him not later than by the end of the month. He's currently living in "X" city which is where most of all of our shared family live and I do not want to deal with that any time soon (I do not relate to most of the family but still, they are my dad's family). And I have not been able to find a job in "Y" city because that "Y" city has been changed 3 times since he was done with his last project.

So, this morning my mom was talking to my oldest brother (he came to visit us but he is also going to travel to "X" city today) and telling him that my boyfriend-cousin's dad and his wife are staying in my grandma's house (and some other updates like that)... While she was doing that, I got nervous and had an idea, but I'd like to have a piece of advice...

The idea is, what if I tell my parents that I am moving out to "Y" city, crashing in my bf-cousin's house and try to get a job there without letting them know that we are in a relationship yet. Is it a bad idea? Would we get a lot more troubles later on?

From my limited point of view it'd be definetly suspicious since our dad's "know" that he likes me (and some other female cousins too), but they do not have absolutely any reason to suspect we are in a relationship (at least that we can think of). They'd also be weirded out that I want to go to "Y" city to find a job there when I didn't do much to find a job here (where I currently live).

I do not know if I am missing something or not about that.

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A few years back when I walked out of my house they didn't know where I was going or with whom or for how long, so my bf-cousin knows since the beggining that I do not want to leave without at least my parents knowing where I am going, and maybe be better for them to know with whom. They are really really overprotective / controlling and get easily upset if I dare to get back home a friday-saturday night at 11 pm because it's "too late", at 26 years old because the world is so dangerous and there's so much evil out there. 

 

Edited by RIVA

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I think you should tell everyone when the two of you are good and ready to.

My thought is that you are living with a bit of fear of people finding out.  The longer the two of you are together, the more difficult it will be to keep a secret and the more difficult it will likely be for your family to accept.  If you love this man and want to make a life with him, you should just tell your family.  

Delaying the inevitable will not make your family more accepting of your relationship.  You should live your life on your own terms.  Move with him, try to find a job and go about the business of being happy.  At least you will have some distance from your family and will not have to deal with their ignorance on a daily basis.

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I agree you should live life on your own terms, thats why im glad i asked my gf/cousin out on a date. That was 5 years ago last week. I couldnt be happier. Were in our 50s now and not much family left but most of the ones left know and accept us. Dont waste time, be happy now. 

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