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Neji's Hinata

How long did you keep your relationship secret?

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Me and my second cousin have been in a relationship for seven months now and it's going pretty great. A few of my friends know, and have for a while, but he hasn't told anyone. No one even knows he has a girlfriend except for one girl who hit on him when we first got together and he told her he was in a relationship and wasn't interested, but he didn't say with who. He hasn't told any of his friends he has a girlfriend, and my mom and his dad are under the impression that we're both single. He doesn't like it when I try to be affectionate while we're inside with the window open, but a few days ago he kissed me in the front yard at like four in the morning. Sometimes it just seems like he's fine with us living in secrecy forever, and it's been upsetting me lately. It makes me feel like he's ashamed of me. I want to let him know how I feel, but I don't know if I should or not. Maybe I'm rushing things? 

So here's my questions for those of you who are or have been in a cousin relationship:

How long did you keep your relationship a secret?

Was one of you ready to tell people before the other one was? If so, were you the one who was ready or the one who wasn't?

 

I may add more questions to this later.

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LadyC    98

we thought we kept it secret for several months. apparently it was the worst kept secret LOL. the only people who didn't know were the ones who weren't living near enough to ever see us. 

we both were ready... but we never had to tell his mom and dad. my mom was so excited that as soon as she found out she had to call EVERYbody and tell them. 

but, at that point we were ready to commit. don't rush things. give yourselves time to figure out where you're going with this relationship. if you decide to make it a permanent thing, then spill the beans. if they suspect before then, fine... if they bring it up, be honest... but there's no need to volunteer info about who you're dating until you know you want to commit.  after all, you probably don't tell your family all about any other guy you've ever dated, right?

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RIVA    2

Well, according to my mom she already had her suspicions, my brother told me he saw us in another city!! sheesh, and his mom told him that she knew something was going on between us when I saw her last year, at the begining of the relationship, because i wouldn't see her.

So, answering your question, we could say that it was never really a secret, just a denial from their part. But until we told them, it's been a year since we started and 10.5 months after we made it "official". Something like that.

Other couples have waited years, so, it depends on each couple.

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pooch    17

Years...and years....

Started when she was 15 and I was 17. Now I am 32. So it's been like, 15 years...and counting... Sigh.. Hoping we will spill the beans in 5 years or so... Lots of things have happened. Both ups and downs. Both happy and sad. 15 years! But we both learned patience. Learned each other. And believe it or not, I still learn new things about her and she about me every single day. Crazy, eh?! Even become proud sometimes when we realize that our relationship is longer than average marriages these days that end up in divorce and separation. So take your time. Enjoy  it. Study hard, get a college degree and a stable job. You don't need to rush. And love conquers all. :)

 

Pooch

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RIVA    2
hace 13 horas, pooch dijo:

Years...and years....

Started when she was 15 and I was 17. Now I am 32. So it's been like, 15 years...and counting... Sigh.. Hoping we will spill the beans in 5 years or so... Lots of things have happened. Both ups and downs. Both happy and sad. 15 years! But we both learned patience. Learned each other. And believe it or not, I still learn new things about her and she about me every single day. Crazy, eh?! Even become proud sometimes when we realize that our relationship is longer than average marriages these days that end up in divorce and separation. So take your time. Enjoy  it. Study hard, get a college degree and a stable job. You don't need to rush. And love conquers all. :)

 

Pooch

How did you manage to do that!!?? Do you live in the same city? Do you see each other frequently? I suppose you both have had different relationships?

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pooch    17
5 hours ago, RIVA said:

How did you manage to do that!!?? Do you live in the same city? Do you see each other frequently? I suppose you both have had different relationships?

Crazy, eh?

I wish I can open a thread and tell our love story in detail. But probably some other time... But it is just so improbable to the point that nobody will believe me, I think. lol. Coz even both of us can't believe it either. lol. But anyhow, yes we do live in the same city... But it hasn't always been like this. During our early years, we are a pacific ocean apart. We live in different countries, different timezones, long distance relationship, and God knows what. It was incredibly difficult but I think the Lord has been just gracious to us, pretty much -- that's all. We (I) got nothing to boast in our relationship as to how we managed this long and how things turned out and how we are still together. But one thing is for sure: love, trust and prayer really do conquer all. 

But to answer your question in brief, yes we do now see each other quite frequently. And by frequently, I mean more than the hours of many married couples spend time with each other in the last three years. During those 15 years period, we never see "other people" so to speak and there has never been a third party wherein I got another girlfriend and she got another boyfriend or something along those lines. Nobody cheated and we "kept our promises" to each other. But it does not mean that we didn't break up or didn't have some sort of "pause" in our relationship. That actually happened twice: the first time was when the long distance relationship really took a toll in us. It was really difficult and she has to "give up" even though on my end, I really still love her. But we get back together and continued on where we left off. The second one was when both of us went to Bible School in California. We consecrated ourselves to the Lord for a couple of years and so we sort of "paused" our relationship so to speak. After that, we pretty much just looked each other in the eye and "we both know". We just know. And that has been ever since. But to have her in my life and to have myself in her life -- it is definitely 15 years as a whole.

 

Pooch

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Serendipity    68

First of all, you don't have to tell everyone that your BF is your cousin.  There is absolutely no reason for that and it's just not necessary information to share.

As far as your parents and family are concerned:  tell them when you want to.  I think that as soon as you know that the two of you want to be exclusive, you should tell family. It doesn't get make family more accepting for you to keep the secret for month and months (or even years).  

The real issue it seems to me is that you feel unimportant to him

On 5/1/2017 at 1:02 PM, Neji's Hinata said:

Sometimes it just seems like he's fine with us living in secrecy forever, and it's been upsetting me lately. It makes me feel like he's ashamed of me. I want to let him know how I feel, but I don't know if I should or not. Maybe I'm rushing things? 

The two of you have been together for seven months and if you are having these feelings you absolutely need to discuss them.  You ARE NOT rushing things to have this discussion.  And you  should have it ASAP.  

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