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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Eless

Why is everyone so judgemental :(

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Guest Eless   
Guest Eless

Hi

Quick backstory is; I've been with my cousin now for nearly 15 months. We started living together at the end of last year. Both of us have been married with children and we aren't wanting any together. Didn't really know him when I was growing up as he's 10 years older than me but our paths crossed a few years ago and we became close.......

Recently, he's told his children(all in their 20's) and ex wife and his parents that we are together, they have now totally disowned him which I feel so sad about. He feels so broken.

And it is now becoming apprent that more and more people know of our relationship and all want to judge us with their small-mindedness

If we could afford to move away and start fresh somewhere, we would but it's just not possible. 

What I'd really like to know is why is it so difficult for people to understand? How do you get through everyone talking about you and accusing you of incest?

I feel so judged for being the happiest I have ever been in my life.

Does it ever get 'better' because I don't think we 'aren't normal' I think we are just two people who are very much in love. 

Why do people think this is so wrong?

 

Any advice or words of wisdom would be really useful.

 

(Just to add, I live in the U.K. and there is no law against us being a couple)

 

Thanks in advance.

 

 

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RIVA    2

It is so heart breaking to read that type of mind set is so strong pretty much everywhere and the rejection towards your relationship since both of you are "grown ups". I'm sorry for not having a good piece advice to share, since we recently told our families and I am in pretty much the same situation. But I send you my biggest hugs and my best wishes for you two.

Some other members will have good responses tho.

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Serendipity    68

Don't let people talk about you in your presence.  That's the best you can do for now.  As soon as someone starts to make a snarky remark, walk away.  

Why the h#ll would he tell his ex about the two of you?  Ugh.  Exes should be kept in the dark - especially when the children are grown.  

Where's Nattana when you need her?  She use to recommend a book - something about dealing with Nasty People.  Let me see if I can track down the title - it might give you some good pointers.

I understand what you mean about people being nasty to you just for being happy.  When I told my family about my cousin relationship, initially they were very supportive.  Over time though, they have grown distant and cold and it's as if my being alone and a struggling single mom was better for them; it probably was because then they could appear to be superior to me.  But once my business started taking off and I found love, suddenly my love was with the wrong person.  People are selfish and it's a rare treat when you find friends and a lover who will be true to you.  Hold your head up high and don't let the naysayers get to you.

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Nattana    17

The book is NASTY PEOPLE, HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter.  It teaches you how to change your thinking in a positive way.

HUGS

Nat

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Guest Eless   
Guest Eless

Thank you so much for all your kind words. 

Hit a massive bump now due to his children being so upset and angry with him that he's thinking the best way forward is for us to no longer be together. 

My heart is breaking. His mind is on the verge of a breakdown. 

And it sucks so bad :(

 

 

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Serendipity    68

Get the book and read it.  

His children are being brats and do not get a say in his love life. 

Don't let other people stop you from pursuing the relationship you both want.

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