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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Cuttinghimout

Should I take him out to coffee?

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My cousin agreed to help my mom and I fix up my grandparents house. I didn't personally speak to him, but my mom and grandma did. He said he would help finish painting the master bedroom, which is where I'll be sleeping. I guess he seemed sad on the phone. He wouldn't say what was bothering him, but he called two more times to talk to my grandma after he agreed to help. I figure I should at least take him out to coffee or something to thank him for helping, plus there is some muddied water between us that needs to be discussed so things won't be so tense.

Ever since I cut him loose, I have missed the friendship part of our relationship, and maybe some of that can be rekindled...Maybe I can just give him a gift card and leave myself out of it. I just don't want to be a chicken. I normally don't speak to people I've cut off, so this is kind of hard for me, trying to decide what to do. I know he'll know everything about what I've been up to because my grandma has told him. I'm just torn. This reunion was inevitable, I just don't know what to do. :(  

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MissPrice    19

Well, it's your grandparents' house that he's helping with, right? So even though the bedroom is being painted because of you, it doesn't seem like you owe him anything. It also sounds like he was pretty selfish and unpleasant in the past. He is family though, and it sounds like you do want some sort of relationship with him, which is natural. Why don't you wait and see how he acts when the two of you meet again before making any plans? If he's reaching out to make amends and repair bridges, you'll know, and if he's not, you probably don't want to have coffee with him anyway.

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Thanks for the reply! I'm going to see him today for the first time in a while. I'll definitely be paying attention to the way he's acting. Thanks for your advice. I'm beyond nervous. But hopefully everything is going to be ok. I'm hoping he's over me, and doesn't ask to start anything up again. Of course the answer would be, 'No,' but I just don't want to talk about it. Fingers crossed!

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MissPrice    19

That's a challenging place to be. I hope (and think it's very likely) that after the first time you see him again things will get easier. Good luck!

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So I dropped him off at home a while ago. I picked him up too. He literally lives 4 minutes away from me. Kind of odd, but whatever. We didn't talk about our past at all. Things were kind of tense. He complained the entire time because he didn't really want to help. It was basically a waste of time cause I ended up doing all the work.

The thing that bothered me the most was that he was hinting at me peeing in a cup for him to do a drug test cause he's getting a new job and can't pass the drug test. I of course did not volunteer myself for that. Maybe his wife can give him what he needs, but I certainly can't. He hasn't changed at all, as far as using me for his own agenda. He's more whiney than he used to be. He's not the friend I had way back when. It's time to just let him go. His voice wasn't even the same.

Edited by Cuttinghimout

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I did end up buying him McDonald's. I wouldn't let him be hungry. That's just how I am, but I got him that on the way to his house.

Edited by Cuttinghimout

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MissPrice    19

I'm sorry to hear that he's not the person you were hoping to be friends with anymore. He certainly doesn't appear to be someone worth spending time or energy on. It sounds like you might be in the best possible place with him - you don't need to maintain zero contact anymore, which is always challenging with a family member, but you don't need to let him get close to you either, since it seems like all he cares about is himself. If I were you, I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about him.

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Yeah, I'm done thinking about him. Things can go back to the way they were before when we were younger. I didn't really care for him growing up, and only dealt with him when I had to. Back then, I at least liked the people he dated, but I can't stand his wife, so I probably won't say anything around her either. I tend to think that she might have left him..

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