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Cuttinghimout

I broke him

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So I've been in constant communication with my cousin for the past week. He usually responds to my texts and I've taken him to do a few things around town. He's hinted that we can be a support system for each other. My cousin drops hints, instead of telling me things head on, so I've learned to read between the lines. He was kind of saying that when we stopped talking, he lost someone to confide in. Since I stopped speaking to him, it seems as if he has lost all of his self-esteem and self-confidence, while I gained mine.

The other night, I went out with a friend of mine. She's a party girl. vs me, who is more of a homebody. I didn't get drunk or anything, but I did have a good time going to the different clubs. She sparked something in me that has really boosted my self-esteem. I want to be that confident girl who can be loud and have a good time too. But it's hard to let loose completely because I feel bad that I broke my cousin mentally. I mean, after we stopped talking, I thought I was in a mentally bad place. But apparently, I came out of it just fine compared to him. I don't know what I can do to fix it. I think he may need a psychiatrist. He has bad anxiety and depression. He worries about everything, and I thought I was a worrier! I just don't get it. I knew that when I stopped speaking to him, he would take it hard, but I didn't think I'd break him so bad emotionally. Since I've interacted with him and my outgoing amazing friend, I've realized just how far I've come on my journey and how much further I need to go. I'm not the same person at all. I'm on a breaking point of something great. Forgiving him for hurting me so bad was something that took me a while to wrap my head around. But I got there. I forgave him. I just hope I am not the true cause of his pain. Because he won't tell me. I don't want him back in any kind of way, but I do hope by speaking to him again, he will begin to heal. It seems like he has just been nursing an open wound for so long. 

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