do i love my cousin or its just how my insecurity expressed and staying in my comfort zone justified?!!By Essex
There is this my nine years younger girl cousin...four years ago when she was 14 and i was 23 she always had this strong eye contacts and laugh hysterically at my chessy jokes and all the signs that she really likes me but at that time i wasn't interested at all ofc coz she was 14 for god sake ...we rarely meet at family gatherings...till recently i really have a strong crush on her for like two years...she grew up and i think we switched roles...but don't know if she likes me or just getting more mature to hide her feelings...we are both very shy btw...but still she gets nervous when she sees me and i catch her with few eye contacts..till i made whoopie up one night and was drunk and got the courage to tell her that i like her..she got really nervous and thought i was joking...then later i told her it was just a mistake (more made whoopie up)...later on everything is normal...we meet at gatherings..simple talks...she get nervous and clumsy when she sees me...i started texted her...this where all this get so confusing...she reply very late with short texts..so i stop..and text her later..same late uninterested replies...then i stop..
Dont know if she likes me and tries to avoid me coz of her excessive shyness...or just can't take the fact that she has a crush on her nine years older cousin (she is a little westernized) and think its disgusting regardless of her feelings...or if all of this is just illusions in my head and her teenager crush was just a period and went away...but i just think of her all the time..should i let her go out of my head or take a more wise approach?!!!...help!!!!
So 17 and i'm from New York. I went to Colombia for about 2 months to visit family that i haven't seen for years. I used to live in Colombia when I was younger but I moved to the United States when I was about 4. When we were children, my cousin Lucas and I were best friends... but that was 13 years ago and we haven't spoken since. Anyways, my first week in Colombia, I shared a room with my cousin. it was just a small room with two twin sized beds and we each slept in one. We had stayed up all night talking and playing games we remembered playing as kids. We then started talking about our memories together and he brought up one that i could never forget; The day i kissed him when we were kids. We both started laughing and we started playing thumb wrestling. I won and he then asked me if I remembered why I had kissed him when we were young. I said "no," and he told me "you got so excited about beating me at a thumb war that you just grabbed my face and kissed me,". I started blushing and I looked down at our hands that were still holding onto each other although the game was over. I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed it softly and he smiled. We realize it was already 4am and we each got into our beds but continued talking. I asked him if he was cold and he said yes, so I got out of my bed and walked over to his and put another blanket over him. He told me I was sweet and that I should crawl into his bed to warm him up. I laughed and about 5 minutes later, I took his suggestion and we were both laying underneath the 4 blankets on his bed. We just cuddled all night and talked until 7am when we heard our mothers walking around the house and I went back to my bed and we fell asleep.This was the start of it all. The following night we went star gazing and we kissed. We were inseparable throughout the rest of my trip. He made me feel so alive. one night our family went out for dinner and a show and i got pretty drunk and afterwards we went for a walk. We smoked a little bit and he made me feel so safe. he held my hand he made me feel so calm even though i'd normally feel paranoid while that intoxicated. I was so high but everything with him was so clear. I told him I loved him and he told me he felt the same way. I've never felt this way about anybody but him. I know that I am in love with him. Anyways, we were basically in a secret relationship for two months and we even had sex. It was both of our first time. I don't know what to do because I just left two days ago and I miss him so much. Im going back to Colombia in four months to visit again and my mother has been considering movie back there which I would be 100% on board with. I love it so much more there and I genuinely feel at home.It would also be so nice to live closer to Lucas. I really don't know what to do. We were both in relationships, but I broke up with my boyfriend (for unrelated reasons) before i got intimate with my cousin. My cousin is still with his girlfriend but he told me they aren't that serious and that it's temporary. We've decided to keep this all low-key for now because neither of us are sure about how serious we should let this get. Also our parents always joke about us being in love with each other because of how close we are and I honestly dont think they would be that surprised if they found out about our feelings for each other