Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Sophia

Attracted to my cousin

Recommended Posts

Ok so I grew up with my cousin until I was about 5 and then my family moved away. Fast forward 8 years and my mother decided to regain contact with her brother, my cousin's dad. I was 13 he was 14 and I felt this strange attraction to him, I never told him this at the time and assumed it was just a teenage crush but felt it was wrong to feel that way.  We didn't see each other regularly after the reunion but then my mother moved back to the area 3 years later when I was 16. Again I felt that same attraction towards him, but brushed it off as I had always been made to believe it was wrong.. when I was 25 he contacted me and we talked for months eventually he admitted he had feelings for me and always had done, I refused to accept that i felt the same way and basically told him never to contact me again,  I felt disturbed by my feelings and angryat myself for feeling the same way. 

So another 6 years go by and he contacts me again, the attraction was and still is extremely intense and nothing like I have ever experienced before. Once I started to research this I realised it isn't even illegal in the country I live in and it was way more common than I thought. I let my guard down, nothing has happened between us but I don't know how long I can resist the feelings I have for him. Our family would disown us and we both are currently in relationships with other people and have children to consider. I'm terrified to explore this any further as we both know we would have to hide this from everyone and live a secret life which would be a huge risk. 

I don't know or understand why I feel this way but I do and I don't feel ashamed of it anymore, I just hope someday we find the strength to be with each other regardless of what other people think. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

do you mind me asking what country you live in? it might help me to know before i say anything about how to handle the family. but... the relationships you are currently in. regardless of what country you live in, you should be faithful to whomever you are currently with. are you both married? or just otherwise involved? tell me about your children... are they your children with the man you're currently with? are his children ones born to his current partner? and how old are the kids?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I live in England. My children aren't fathered by my current partner and my cousins kids are to the women he is in a relationship with.  My kids are 9 and 11 and his are 11 and 6 he is not married and either am I 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

well cousins can legally marry in england, so that's not an issue. but the entanglements with kids and significant others really is, particularly where he is concerned. he may not be married, but he may as well be. he's living as her husband and raising children that they share. that's a huge deal. and he risks losing custody of his children if he and his girl go their separate ways.

this is something you both need to think long and hard about. i know you have already, but i mean considering the consequences and ramifications. if you do decide to pursue a future together, then you need to let your partners know first thing. in fact, the two of you need to stop having a relationship at all until you have ended the ones you are in. cheating is never fair to anybody. 

i wish you luck, it's a difficult situation to be in.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We aren't able to bring this out in the open, our families aren't close and I don't have contact with mine but if this ever came to light they would physically hurt us both and complete disown my cousin, they aren't open minded people, and for sure he would loose his kids.  

We live less than a mile away from each other, I don't see him around the area I'm so busy with work and we don't see each other in secret either it's way too risky for us. At the moment we just talk via e-mail. It's really difficult because the feelings we have are intense and hard to ignore 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Similar Content

    • By CptnKitten
      So I'm 23 (F) and my second cousin is 27 (M). For years during childhood I had this sort of innocent crush on him, and the most I thought about doing with him was kissing him on the cheeks and lips really fast, hugging, rough-housing, poking and tickling him. There were times when I wouldn't see him for a year or two, and I was always bummed out when I didn't get to see him at family gatherings. I put this in the back of my mind as just something that happened because I longed for a sibling as an only child and that I didn't really talk to guys around my age much. The majority of our family is pretty conservative and religious (Christian) in a kind of strict way, so I'm pretty sure they would look down upon cousin couples (I can't even talk about Harry Potter around some of them without a "good talking to". 
      Anyways, for the last few years especially, my life has been very... rocky. I'm pretty sure my mother has BPD (borderline personality disorder - my therapist thought so too) and for years I went through emotional abuse with her as well as her poor choosing of men that she's dated and married throughout her life. She's currently stalking and harassing me and other members in our family trying to figure out where I live and other personal details that I refuse to give her since I've gone no contact for the last year with her. I've been going to university to be a teacher and working at the same time without having to rely on anyone else so it's all been really stressful on me. I haven't been able to see a therapist in a while - my university's counseling center sucks so not an option on that. Not to mention that my old counselor is a Christian guy so he wouldn't be the best match for what I've been through....
      The kicker is that several months ago the first serious bf I had been dating for longer than a year decided to end things with me, mainly because I have vaginismus, which apparently is both a physical and psychological sexual dysfunction issue that can be caused by sexual and/or emotional abuse. He had also said that he only found one physical part of my body attractive and couldn't even list anything on the inside that he liked of me, so in the end I felt ugly inside and out and broken as a woman and human being. He didn't want to be patient anymore and was frustrated because he couldn't do certain things with me (which I understand, but I was the one that was affected the most..). A couple of times after I went to see a gynecologist... and it only made my condition worse - the doctor basically gave up on me and now I'm facing a severe form of the dysfunction and I don't even know if I'll ever get it fixed. It was a pretty low time for me and I'm still trying to get over the hurdle of the emotions of it and trying to regain my self-confidence back. After the break-up I had also gradually begun to lose interest in dating or anything sexual whatsoever that involves being with another person. (I mean, would any guy even date a girl with vaginismus and be patient and understanding of the condition and other crap she's been through, especially if she's not the most attractive person out there??)
      In the meantime, here and there my second cousin has helped me by moving my stuff or by us hanging out a couple of times. Even then I didn't really think much of him in a romantic way, although I tend to keep walls up between me and others anyways (or so I've been told). However, that changed when he asked if I wanted to meet up with him a couple of weeks ago. All we did was go to a gun range that he worked at and he showed me how to use different guns (that close proximity to him had me sighing on the inside), because in the past I had mentioned to him that I would like to be able to defend myself and be able to use a gun if necessary (isn't that thoughtful of him?). But suddenly after that I haven't been able to get him out of my mind. What was once an innocent child crush has now turned into me fantasizing about being with him and wanting to be intimate both physically and emotionally with him. Now I get so excited just to even see a text from him or hanging out with him, and even though he's not what I would call my "type", I still find him attractive.The more rational side of me is worried because I'm still in pain from the other past (and current) events and I don't think I could deal with any more pain right now. 
      Now, I'm a little more open-minded compared to the rest of my family so I don't have an issue with cousin relationships as long as it's not forced, the couple isn't too young, and no one is manipulated. The issue I do have is:
      Whether I'm actually having romantic/love feelings for my cousin, or if it's just something out of circumstance and pent-up sexual and emotional frustration  What the family would think or do if anything were ever to transpire between us - I don't even know if my cousin shares the same feelings for me or not.  I guess right now I'm wondering if I really do like him in that way or not, and not just being lustful at the moment. I'm not in any rush or anything, I just want to have a sound/idea-box with people who can understand my situation, I guess. 
      Any thoughts or ideas on this?
      Thanks
    • By Yankeeshakes4313
      I'm going to share and express my thoughts about cousin marriages... Stay tuned... Good subscribe to Sage Nation.... The episode will come in two weeks... I'm going to start my podcast again on Thursday March 15th.... Please subscribe and support my channel
    • By Beth
      What an incredibly supportive and amazing group!
      Please forgive my intrusion. My name is Beth and I'm a features writer with That's Life - a national magazine that tells real-life stories in Australia and New Zealand.
      We share unique love stories in the first person and in a completely non-judgemental way. All of our interviewees receive full copy approval. 
      I'm posting as I'd love to find an Aussie or Kiwi couple who'd be willing to speak to me. I think that it's really important that we tackle the stigma associated with dating/marrying your cousin. It is, after all, completely legal!
      The only way we can do that, though, is by people coming forward to share their stories, openly and candidly. 
      If you are interested, please drop me an email at *************@***********.com.au. 
      Thanks very much,
      Beth 
×