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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Attracted to my cousin

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Ok so I grew up with my cousin until I was about 5 and then my family moved away. Fast forward 8 years and my mother decided to regain contact with her brother, my cousin's dad. I was 13 he was 14 and I felt this strange attraction to him, I never told him this at the time and assumed it was just a teenage crush but felt it was wrong to feel that way.  We didn't see each other regularly after the reunion but then my mother moved back to the area 3 years later when I was 16. Again I felt that same attraction towards him, but brushed it off as I had always been made to believe it was wrong.. when I was 25 he contacted me and we talked for months eventually he admitted he had feelings for me and always had done, I refused to accept that i felt the same way and basically told him never to contact me again,  I felt disturbed by my feelings and angryat myself for feeling the same way. 

So another 6 years go by and he contacts me again, the attraction was and still is extremely intense and nothing like I have ever experienced before. Once I started to research this I realised it isn't even illegal in the country I live in and it was way more common than I thought. I let my guard down, nothing has happened between us but I don't know how long I can resist the feelings I have for him. Our family would disown us and we both are currently in relationships with other people and have children to consider. I'm terrified to explore this any further as we both know we would have to hide this from everyone and live a secret life which would be a huge risk. 

I don't know or understand why I feel this way but I do and I don't feel ashamed of it anymore, I just hope someday we find the strength to be with each other regardless of what other people think. 

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do you mind me asking what country you live in? it might help me to know before i say anything about how to handle the family. but... the relationships you are currently in. regardless of what country you live in, you should be faithful to whomever you are currently with. are you both married? or just otherwise involved? tell me about your children... are they your children with the man you're currently with? are his children ones born to his current partner? and how old are the kids?

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I live in England. My children aren't fathered by my current partner and my cousins kids are to the women he is in a relationship with.  My kids are 9 and 11 and his are 11 and 6 he is not married and either am I 

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well cousins can legally marry in england, so that's not an issue. but the entanglements with kids and significant others really is, particularly where he is concerned. he may not be married, but he may as well be. he's living as her husband and raising children that they share. that's a huge deal. and he risks losing custody of his children if he and his girl go their separate ways.

this is something you both need to think long and hard about. i know you have already, but i mean considering the consequences and ramifications. if you do decide to pursue a future together, then you need to let your partners know first thing. in fact, the two of you need to stop having a relationship at all until you have ended the ones you are in. cheating is never fair to anybody. 

i wish you luck, it's a difficult situation to be in.

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We aren't able to bring this out in the open, our families aren't close and I don't have contact with mine but if this ever came to light they would physically hurt us both and complete disown my cousin, they aren't open minded people, and for sure he would loose his kids.  

We live less than a mile away from each other, I don't see him around the area I'm so busy with work and we don't see each other in secret either it's way too risky for us. At the moment we just talk via e-mail. It's really difficult because the feelings we have are intense and hard to ignore 

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