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About to move, need advice ASAP.

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I'm about to relocate to the city were my cousin lives, we broke up and are on bad terms (my cousin despise me). I got my old job there and a room to rent/stay already. I don't know my reasons for moving, if it's for the job or other stuffs, I can find them here at where I am now if I wait, I guess. Also it's already 5 months since my cousin left me and I don't see any improvement on myself. people say I'm too emotional, I love too much and I'm stupid because 5 months i's long enough to forget and to stop loving someone who doesn't care for me and doesn't love me anymore. I can tell to myself from time to time that there's no getting back for the 2 of us and I can/will be OK with it (call me bitter and stupid like everyone else does) but I still cry and in pain to what happened.

Maybe one of the reason is that I can't find peace from being physically far but emotionally and mentally attach to my cousin (they sent me here telling me that it's to make our relationship last and that my cousin will come to be with me asap so maybe my heart still clings to that stupid trap unknowingly even if I don't want to), so I come up with the idea of being physically near but emotionally and mentally far from my cousin. I don't know if it's possible or if it's a sane thing to do, all I know is that a part of me wants to do it.

I know it's inevitable not to make mistakes in our lives but I don't want to make mistakes that would involve my cousin or our already ruined relationship. Call me a sissy or a coward but I am contemplating whether or not to to continue this journey. The emotional stress of being alone (and being avoided by my cousin like I have some contagious decease) the possibility of seeing my cousin with someone, problems and complications that this moving might/will give me are not the only reasons of my doubt but also the "not knowing if this is the right thing to do" (I know there's no knowing that but in this case I really want to know, I've been asking God as well but to no avail or maybe I don't know how to recognize his signs, I don't know).


I'm not moving because I want us to be together again. I still love  my cousin 100% purely and unconditionally and the bigger part of me still wants to be with my cousin but I know for sure that nothing will bring us together anymore, this move may only shatter our already dead relationship as lovers and as families (that includes my cousin's side of the family who hates me now). To be honest I don't know what are my reasons. I don't want to give one and then realize later that it's not truly my reason.

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Hi SQ,

It's been a while. I'm still undecided whether to move this coming Friday or not. Everyone is telling me that it's a bad idea, I will be alone and far from them, that my 2ND degree family including my cousin won't take care of me, on the other side they will despise me or make my stay worst. And I don't want that. I don't want to make things worse or to create a chaos. I don't know what's store for me in life and I don't know what I want and what I can have (the things that I want are impossible to get). One thing is for sure I want to be OK, real OK.

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You're right. I just hope things will be fine. Everyone are worried and are being nice, telling me to stay here and just look for a job here, so I don't want to be back and tell everyone that I fail.

Hi Romalee

I'm wont, I even stopped callling them. The last time I did was when my cousin's grandmother died. Some of them I talked on the phone while I sent a brief message to my cousin and cousin's sister but got no response from both. I sometimes wonder why my cousin's sister started ignoring me.

The city is pretty small so chances of bumping to each other are high. (I'm planning to do my best to avoid it) Plus I heard that the new GF is planning to make a visit for 2 months here in Italy (I don't know when), I don't know if I can handle bumping to them or seeing them together accidentally. Heck, even the thought of it gives me all kinds of pain. My cousin taking the new girl to all the places were we used to date and all. They're killing me, literally. I always tell myself to be strong, be patience, be kind, climb high and stay motivated but with all of these, I don't know if I can.

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I didn't move. I'm too afraid to move. To afraid that my cousin if by accident finds about it or if we bump into each other will immediately avoid me like I'm the Devil herself. To afraid that my cousin will despise me more than my cousin already did. To afraid that this move will make mo more vulnerable than I already am because I still love my cousin too much. I don't want that to happen because base on my cousin's actions now, my cousin won't hesitate to hurt me to the point that it will be a traumatic experience. I'm already in hell I don't want to go down any further. I want to be OK, not the other way around. Still there's something that keeps telling me to go back, I can't explain what that is.

I know I need to find myself, a new life. I need to not think of my cousin and just do what is best for me but after that happened to us. I don't want to be my cousin's most hated person in the face o the earth and vice versa.

At this time, I can't stop myself from thinking what some of my relatives who knows the story told me ( I guess even my cousin told me this as well, I can't remember well) "You know after awhile you just laugh at it and ask yourself, why did a love my cousin? Stupid me." that phrase didn't awake me, instead it hurt me more 1ST because it feels like they think that my love for my cousin (which is true love) is just a temporarily fling. And 2ND I started to wonder, now that my cousin doesn't love me anymore does my cousin just laughs at me and our once love story?

It's been 5 long agonizing months but it feel like my cousin just left me a minute ago.

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