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Questioning the Past

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Hi all,

5 years ago I started a relationship with my cousin. I was 15 at the time, he was 28.  It ended after a year when my parents found out. At the time it felt like the world was perfect, we enjoyed the same things, I felt very much in love. I was devastated when it was broken off, but have moved on for the most part. I haven't had any contact with him since. I've been starting to wonder if it meant anything, or as much, to him... was he using me? Like I said, I felt in love but there are times that I can remember where maybe he was a little forceful, and maybe I just took it as sexy? He was 12 years older than me.  Any advice or opinions would really help. As many of you know, this isn't a subject thats easily breachable. 

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Guest Laraeaf

Hi Lynn,

I've been on this site seeking advice about my own cousin, and while I haven't sorted that situation out, yours isn't really an issue that changes just because you're related. In my opinion, a 28 year old dating a 15 year old is instantly a worry. At 15 you don't really care about an age difference, but he should have known you were young and that it likely wouldn't work out. An age difference is never the issue, but 15 is YOUNG and he was old enough to know better. 
I think if he kept the relationship going for a year that it definitely did mean something to him, and he likely loved you, but your feelings were probably far deeper. You are cousins... if it was left on a reasonably nice note, you could establish contact and ask him about it. If it left on a bad note, you could still contact him to 'clear the air'. 


I probably didn't help at all, but good luck. 

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  • Moderator


 That right thar^^^^. Can you see why we always encourage our young members to wait until they are 18. How he didn't go to jail, even if YOU did initiate the deal, I'll never know. But, had you waited until 20, like you are now, and him at 32/33, do you see how that sounds so much more palatable? My preference is generally 22 or older, for the same reasons. You're in this quandary because you didn't wait. If it had never happened, at 20, would you do it now? If you get another 2 years under your belt, would you do it then?  

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