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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest NoSpine

15 years

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Guest NoSpine

Hello everyone, this is the first time I've reached out, but it's the second time I've visited this website. The first time I visited was many years ago.

My fiance and I will be celebrating our 15th anniversary on the 4th of July. That will mark 15 years "in the closet" with only one person(a childhood friend whom I'm no longer in contact with) ever knowing my/our truth.

We've been together since I was 14 and he was 16 and our families have never acknowledged our relationship. We never say we're together and we don't kiss in front of others, but we don't hide/deny it. We are affectionate in public, we live together, and some family members are aware that we've been sharing a bed for many years. We have been madly in love for 15 years and as far as our friends and family are concerned, we are both single. It's truly starting to become unbearable. I'm almost 30. We want to be married(though we don't even know how to get that done) and have children and be "normal", but we know that we lack a network. It would be unfair to our children. 

Lately, I feel a darkness coming over me. I could really use a friend. Someone that knows the truth. Someone that could maybe advise me. That would be such a wonderful gift.

Anyways, to all that are living in truth, I am so happy for you. Don't take that for granted. Love each other even more. 

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Wow, that's a long time to be in hiding. That must be very difficult on both of you. Have you ever discussed telling your family? How do you think they would react if you did?

Can I ask where you live? Laws about cousin marriage vary by state. For example, my husband/cousin and I live in the state of Ohio in the US. We couldn't legally marry here, but we were able to go to Tennessee, marry, and have Ohio accept our marriage license. We didn't initally think our family would accept our relationship, but they did, and some of them are very happy about it. It is absolutey possible to marry your cousin, have kids, and live a normal life - I'm proof of part of that, and looking forward to the kids. :)

I'm happy to talk to you about this here, or feel free to message me privately as well. I understand how difficult sorting out this kind of relationship can be, and you should know that you and your cousin are not alone.

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NoSpine,

 It's WAY beyond time you stopped hiding. You two are WAY past an age to be told what you can and cannot do by family. You have your own place. You make your own rules. You don't say where you are, and I shan't either. You've been hiding, and you are anonymous here. But, as a mod, I can peek, and did. If my index is correct, and you're not running a proxy, where you are, it is perfectly legal for the two of you to marry. Look around here :  https://www.cousincouples.com/

 Click the menu button. Get up to speed on the laws, genetics, and any possible religious arguments you may need to win. 

I have a sneaking suspicion the family is not going to absolutely loose touch after all these years of knowing there's something going on. It may actually come as a relief that THEY no longer have to tip-toe around the subject either......js

 

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The advice my sister gave was "The majority of people, if it doesn't directly affect them, don't really care what you do." My (now) wife and I have been close since she was 12 and I was 14. We (I) wasted 38 years not being together. The last 6.5 that we have been married has been better than I could ever have imagined. And at the last family reunion, one cousin had questions but no one else seemed to care; I guess my sister was right.  

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