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Guest comtruiz

I love my cousin but don't know if he does !

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Guest comtruiz

Hi, 

My feelings for my cousin have been bothering me for almost a year now, and I haven't had the courage to reveal them to him because I am so afraid that he will reject me. I'll start by giving a little bit of background:

We are 3 years apart in age, he is 20 and I am 23. We have known each other since our young childhood where every summer we would spend holidays at our grand parents place with all of our other cousins. We always were close despite the small age difference (that is now irrelevant), but when I moved out of my home country to go study abroad I spent less time at my grand parents' place and therefore saw much less of him. We still kept in touch a little bit over message but it is last year, last summer to be precise, that he pushed for me to come visit our grand parents, where he was currently spending his holidays. My (ex) boyfriend and I decided to go there for a week, and because he had to finish some work I literally spent my days with him. We laughed and laughed together and a strong tension began to creep up on me. The kind of tension where his fingers would leave a burn on my skin to the slightest touch. I can't speak for him obviously, but I really felt like the tension was mutual. The way we laughed and looked at each other. But still now, I don't know how to tell the difference between sexual tension or cousin complicity, if you know what I mean. Both being quite "shy" persons in terms of physical contact, we never really hug or touch except when he helps me like over a fence or when we're sitting close together in a car. 

After that week, I immediately felt that I was developing some strong feelings towards him, and felt like the tension and complicity was shared. We kept in touch over message, and saw each other again the next year in our home town, where I stayed over his place for a while because my own house was occupied. We spent evenings together, that same tension was still there and it just felt AMAZING to be around him. We have similar tastes on things like music and style and have the same kind of mentality and outlook on life. One night, he came out and spent an hour with two of my friends and I in our hometown, and when he left, they told me that they looked at each other at one point over how much attention my cousin and I were giving each other, and my friend even told me she thought his behaviour towards me suggested that he wanted to be with me. 

However, and that is one of the big reason why I am so afraid to show him my feelings, he is the kind of person to not show affection towards me or show that he wants to see me, which inevitably makes me lust for the tiniest sign that he in fact does want to see me or talk to me. Because of it, I also do not really show him any affection because he would not really respond to it. Like we don't really show to each other that we want to see each other outside of normal cousin encounters like "oh i'm in town, what are you up to". And we always use certain things as excuses to talk to to each other. He (and neither will I) will never send me a message like "i really want to see you !" and I know for a fact that he would feel super awkward if I even remotely mentioned my feelings for him or if I started like putting my hand on his shoulder in a romantic way. We are both in relationships now, but I can tell you that I do not think about my boyfriend the way I think about him, and I am the happiest when I am with him. 

I am so torn about this, because I know he will not take a step. I really don't know what to do, there have been sooo many moments where we were alone and things could have happened but they didn't ... We send each other messages every day when we know we are going to see each other, and the moment we are apart it becomes a bit colder. I really have the feeling that he is as happy as I am when I am with him, and that there is an undeniable complicity and tension between us but I do not how to deal with it ... I feel like if I am so convinced that I will never have the courage to talk to him about it I have to let it go since there will never be any progress, and right now I only hope that this complicity will just grow and grow to the point where it will be okay for us to cross that line. 

Sorry about the huge amount of text, I really felt like venting out my feelings because it has been eating me up. 

What should I do ? Any advice or tips on how to make him show his affection to me or know that it's mutual ?

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Since you are both in your 20s, and assuming he is not married, you need to tell him how you feel, before he marries someone.  Life is short.  Here is your opportunity to speak about your feelings.  He may not respond well at first, but give him a chance to think about it, and decide what he wants to do.  You could even refer him to this website, if his objections are  because you are cousins.

I know it is scary, but think about how you'll feel in the future if you don't tell him now, when you had the chance.

Best of luck.

Ambra

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Guest Brynn

Hi, I'm 13 and a girl and I have a cousin who is 15. The both of us got really close to one another a little over two years ago. I've known him my who life but I was just really shy to be around my guy cousins. He's the one cousin that I am the closest to. He is really overprotective with me which I find weird considering we have other cousins and he isn't like that with the rest of them. He's not even overprotective with his little sister. I've been seeing him a lot lately because of family parties and we are always with one another. By around September of last year, he started getting all touchy feely with me. But it never bothered me. When we were at family parties we would be in a room with our cousins playing video games. Then he would pull me onto his lap then start 'tickling' me. His hands would go a little bit farther than just tickling 100% of the time. He would stop right away as soon as he would hear footsteps going towards the room and then before the person would get to the game room he would take me off of his lap to make sure nothing seemed suspicious. The other day there was a party at his house and his hands went farther as always and I texted him that night because I didn't want him to get into trouble if someone would've walked in or something. He knows that his hands went a little too far. I don't know what to do now. I feel like I have developed some type of feelings for him. But he has a girlfriend and whenever I hear from his little sister that they went on a date or something I get jealous. I don't know if he likes me or not. Whenever he puts me on his lap a realized that he looks at my lips. What do I do please help me!

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Hi, I am a 13 year old girl. I have a cousin who is 15 and I have known him my whole life. About a little over 2 years ago, the both of us started getting really close to one another. He is extremely overprotective with me which I find weird considering he has a little sister and other cousins, but he only acts this way towards me. Around last September, he started 'tickling' me and while he 'tickled' me he would pull me into his lap. His hands would go a little far but I never thought anything of it. But then I started realizing he would do this every time I saw him when there were no adults around. He would always look at my lips too. But whenever he would he someone walking towards the game room that all the cousins would hang out in, he would take me off his lap and then we would act as if we were just paying attention to the game the cousins were playing. He just recently started wrapping his arm around my waist. I started trusting him a lot more and I tell him a lot of stuff. I sometimes would tell him that there's this one guy that i think is cute, but he would get super mad and then he would tell me that I am never aloud to date. I feel like I am starting to develop feelings for him. He has a girlfriend but he never talks about her with me and he tells me a lot of stuff. I always hear it from his little sister that he would go on a date with her every once in a while, and I would get jealous. The other day he shared his dessert with me even though I was totally capable of getting up and getting my own dessert. I don't know if he likes me or what but please help me! Should I confess my feelings for him? (Guest Brynn is also me, I just didn't sign up yet)

Edited by Brynn

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On 7/10/2017 at 0:49 PM, Brynn said:

Hi, I am a 13 year old girl. I have a cousin who is 15 and I have known him my whole life. About a little over 2 years ago, the both of us started getting really close to one another. He is extremely overprotective with me which I find weird considering he has a little sister and other cousins, but he only acts this way towards me. Around last September, he started 'tickling' me and while he 'tickled' me he would pull me into his lap. His hands would go a little far but I never thought anything of it. But then I started realizing he would do this every time I saw him when there were no adults around. He would always look at my lips too. But whenever he would he someone walking towards the game room that all the cousins would hang out in, he would take me off his lap and then we would act as if we were just paying attention to the game the cousins were playing. He just recently started wrapping his arm around my waist. I started trusting him a lot more and I tell him a lot of stuff. I sometimes would tell him that there's this one guy that i think is cute, but he would get super mad and then he would tell me that I am never aloud to date. I feel like I am starting to develop feelings for him. He has a girlfriend but he never talks about her with me and he tells me a lot of stuff. I always hear it from his little sister that he would go on a date with her every once in a while, and I would get jealous. The other day he shared his dessert with me even though I was totally capable of getting up and getting my own dessert. I don't know if he likes me or what but please help me! Should I confess my feelings for him? (Guest Brynn is also me, I just didn't sign up yet)

Hi Brynn,

Please consider this as an opinion and advice. Think over it.

Right now you are 13, and I understand that you might be confused in recognising your cousin's feelings as well as his intensions. He is 15 and knows better than you about how he feels and what he is doing. I don't want to scare you but this might be a case of premature affection and might result in molestation. These feelings might just be your harmones (those chemicals in brain). So don't go ahead yet. And don't let him touch you the way you just explained here. It's not good for both health and your mind at this age. Do not get in physical or emotional relation just yet, it messes up with your overall growth at this age. You are 13 and I think it is asking a lot for a girl your age, to think rationally and decide for yourself but, considering my advice I hope you choose well.

Regards,

Sam

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