i am 22 years old and am studying medicine at imperial college london. i have a cousin who is studying dentistry in london as well she is 21 and is extremely hot and kind and caring and generous and smart. we are first cousins and our fathers are brothers, however they dont have a good relationship. i first started getting these feelings when i was 17 and we were both studying our a levels in the same subjects so we grew closer as we spent a lot of time together. over time i fell in love with her and think the world of her. the only thing i wish for is to get married to this girl and have children with her. she and my mother spend a lot of time together and are really good friends who get along with each other. my father also gets on well with her, so my parents would approve of her. i dont know what to do, from what i have witnessed i think she is interested in me too and is attracted to me but im not 100% sure. we text and as we both live in london in student accomodation she texts me and asks if i want to pop over to her place and spend some time together so i visit her regularly and she loves spending time with me, i make her laugh and we talk for hours on end, sometimes we would just talk for 4 or 5 hours straight. we both get on with each other and are perfect for each other. however there is a lot of dispute going on between our families over land in pakistan. however this hasnt affected our relationship and my cousin still gets on perfectly fine with my family. i havent told anyone yet and dont know what to do. should i wait until the dispute is over and tell her and my parents? or should i persue a private relationship with her now? i dont know what to do. help me.
By Jordan Colbert
Our story started roughly 2 years ago when my cousin confessed she had feelings for me. At the time she said this is wrong and we should not be doing this. But we continued developing our relationship anyway. We planned of our lives together after marriage, babies, places to visit, things to do and so on. We lived a happy life. Now after two years of constant back and forth of; this is wrong we should not be doing it and it’s ok let’s go ahead with it, she wants to end the relationship but isn’t doing it, just putting a halt to the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect and just wants to be friends. She says, “I should have been the adult in the room. I don’t want to continue doing wrong.” She feels that when we inform our family about our intentions we will end up creating a huge and permanent split in our family. We will be the reason for our family to break apart. People will hate us. Previously at the beginning of our relationship she had said that she doesn’t care about what other people think of her. When I brought this up she said well I do care now. I tried convincing her that I’ll deal with all the heat from the family, you can even say he is the one pushing for it I’m not that interested. I’ll be able to make the family come to terms with us. But she still says even if you convince the family I know it’s wrong and my mind will not be at ease. She says even if we get married I won’t be able to live a happy life because I’ll be disturbed about the fact that we are cousins and we shouldn’t be married. Also whenever she sees other cousins they remind her that we are doing wrong. She feels bad when she sees them. Sometimes she says that I look like her brother and that makes it difficult for her. The thing I don’t understand is that these are issues that were there during the first year of our relationship, why are they becoming unbearable now. She was able to put these thoughts aside then. Why can’t she now? I asked her do you want to end our relationship? Her reply was, “Yes, sometimes I want to end it. But sometimes I don’t. I don’t know.” I said why don’t you end it then. She said, “You’ve done nothing but loved me. And that’s why it’s difficult for me to end it. I’m thinking about our relationship in a realistic way and you think in a hopeful way. There is no way our family will allow us to be together.”
I feel that if I can convince her that we are not doing anything wrong. We love each other and there’s nothing wrong about it, she might change her mind. The thing is I’ve tried everything I could to do that. But she doesn’t accept it. I’ve given her examples of cousin marriages happening for so many decades. Her response is that if people have been doing wrong that doesn’t mean we continue doing wrong.
You may think she does not love me anymore and is trying to find excuses to end our relationship. That’s not how it is. She is a tough independent woman. She does not let other people’s opinions play any role in her decision making. She thinks for herself and sticks to her decisions however painful they may be. I know her very well. She still loves me. Just not enough to marry me.
I was very scared when I found out I was pregnant with my first cousins baby. I was so afraid I would give birth to a baby who had defects. After discussing with my Dr. about why I was concerned about the pregnancy, he told me, I could have a normal & healthy baby like any other woman. He did the normal tests that you get done while being pregnant and everything was fine in my case. I gave birth to a very healthy 8lb 3.5 oz baby boy. To this day, we have a normal, healthy 40 year old. :-)
I would suggest you talk with your Dr. first and see what he/she thinks. I am quite sure blood tests can provide the information needed so, you can decide what course of action you and your cousin should take with having a child.
Wishing you all the best.
I'm going to share and express my thoughts about cousin marriages... Stay tuned... Good subscribe to Sage Nation.... The episode will come in two weeks... I'm going to start my podcast again on Thursday March 15th.... Please subscribe and support my channel
Thanks for having me. I joined this group because my mother dated her first cousin, and although some may think it's a a weird thing to do, she was really happy, and I was happy for her! It made me think, why is this such a taboo thing when it isn't wrong AT ALL? So I've decided to do something to help "normalize" cousin relationships in a big way.
I'm a professional stand up comedian and will be filming a comedy special/documentary in March of 2018 in Los Angeles. I am looking for cousin couples who are dating, married, etc. or relatives of cousin couples - basically, anyone who is connected to a cousin relationship who is willing to speak about it on camera. My goal is to inform my audience about the statistics, facts, and normalcy of cousin relationships in a funny way (not making fun of it, speaking positively about it), in order to help attract the positive attention it deserves. It would be a short interview, a chance to tell your story. I'll be interviewing my mother as well! It will be distributed via a major company/network.
I will be holding pre-interviews in February of 2018. If you, or anyone you know, may be interested, please have them contact me for more information: [email protected]