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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Brynn

Please help me out here!

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I have known my cousin my whole life. He is a year and a couple of months older than me. The two of us became really close a couple of years back. I love how close we are. He is really protective with me which to me is really weird considering he isn't like this with any of our other cousins or his sister. He has started to 'tickle' me, I don't really get bothered by it. Yes his hands go places where they shouldn't be going for just 'tickling' but I feel like it's just how he is so I don't get bothered by it. I've been noticing that whenever he does go into one of his tickling moods, he leans in close to my lips as if he is going to kiss me, I don't know what to do! He never shares his food with anyone but he just started sharing his food with me. If someone else were to ask for a bite of his food he would always say no, no matter what, but he offers me a bite. Just recently I got into a little argument with him about his tickling because I didn't want him to get into trouble if someone found out. He said he was sorry and that he knew his hands were in places they shouldn't have been. He then told me he loved me and that he was going to wait until I was ok to forgive him. I feel like the more I see him the more I keep falling for him. He has a girlfriend so I don't know if I should tell him how I feel about him or keep my feelings to myself. Please help me!

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Going by what you've written, you sound like young teenagers.  What are your ages?  Start by reading as much as you can on this forum.  Read the posts tacked up to the top of Help/Advice and Shoot the Breeze.  Understand that family members can be against cousin romances, so learn about that.  Find out what his intentions are, because if he has a girlfriend, then maybe he is just flirting with you.  Stay away from him, if his intentions are not good.  Cousin romance should only be pursued when you're older, like in your 20s, because of the family complications.  And there's no point in pursuing it at all, unless you are both serious.

Ambra

 

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He is 15 while I'll be going on 14 soon. I don't know what his intentions are nor do I know how to get him to tell me what his intentions are. He never talk about his girlfriend with me and whenever I ask him he just changes the subject and talks to me about something else. 

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Hi Brynn - Ambra is absolutely right, now is not a time to pursue anything with your cousin. Relationships are challenging, and cousin relationships are more complicated than most, because of the family dynamic. As a teenager, you have enough to worry about without that. You are figuring out who you are, and what you want out of life. If you have feelings for your cousin later on, there is nothing wrong with pursuing that then. But right now, you are both dependent on your families, you are both evolving rapidly, and you are both too young to make the kind of commitment to each other that makes dealing with all the complications of a cousin relationship worth it. I know it's not what you want to hear, but I would recommend putting some space between yourself and your cousin for now.  

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Well thank you for sharing your story. In my opinion, from me and generally I don't be like dealing with other people that's in a relationship because I don't want to be the one to separate two people or get involved that way. However, if you are in this position you should simply tell him your concerns. And ask him what do he think about you. Also tell him that he should be more involved with his girlfriend rather he be more involved with you. Just to see where he stands between you and the girl. If he picks the girl and then you know what he stands if you picked you then you know.

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