Hi CC forum,
Im not sure how I am going to word this as my mind is all over the place but here goes.
I will start with my current situation in hopes that it will give a you a clearer image of what I am going through currently. I am 27 year old, graduated University (college) and now looking to start his career (this is my current mindset). During this time I have other goals to achieve which include acquiring my inheritance before my mum passes away. She is in her 60s and her health is not the best. This will cause several issue as property assets are currently occupied with a resident (family member) overseas. By any chance I managed to reclaim the property and sold it off or trade it; I am 1 step closer to my dream of living peacefully with a roof and heating but also having a loving partner and kids in the future.
My mum started the whole topic of me marrying my second cousin (her nephews, daughter). I instantly declined as I did not like the idea of cousin marriage, the genetics problems, the social stigma and the person I am supposed to marry. After a handful of years of trying to convince me, she dropped the conversation because the daughter also said no. Great! i am saved or so i thought. This family is also the one that is occupying the property I am trying to reclaim.
Over the last 3-5 years, I happened to notice my first cousin; My mum's brother, daughter. I was attracted to her physical appearance as she has sharp features but I did not pursue the attraction and left it as just as a crush/lust.
As of last year, my mum brought up the conversation of getting married to my first cousin as she puts it " i want to see you happy with kids and a loving partner that will not break you". She thinks my first cousin will be a perfect match for my personality as hers fits with mine.
As of right now, she is 20 and I am 27. In the past year we have started talking a lot because of this and started to calling each other "babe", she is already sees me as her future husband. I do not mind it but i think i entertained this for far to long but as the time is getting closer to achieve my goal of reclaiming my property I have to deal with this as my mum is using this as a bargaining chip or a trade, hence why i carried on the conversation with my cousin to get things rolling for the property. She wants me to marry her as she requires a assistant and she promised her brother, She spoke to my cousin and she agrees to the marriage as it also benefits her; she will have a better life by coming here to us, financially, education and opportunities. Me and mum have had several arguments about this, and she claims that it is easy for her to get a guy and get married due to the her looks but she rather keep her in the family because of her character and in response i told her if she can get any guy then get her married. in the end the arguments go nowhere and get stuck in the loop. I personally do not agree with the character part as I have seen her talk to other guys that have promised her dreams that she can get by being involved with them (not physically) and thus doing so has shown to be naive and desperate as life in the East is not the best. Fair enough maybe I am being to hard on her. If i do go ahead with this I get my property and money but i will not be happy with this situation internally as this is another thing i need to get rid of in the next 5 years if we do happen to get married. My problem with this are the following:
Genetic defects with first cousin marriage is i start getting attached to her as i am already attracted to her physically Social acceptance and bring up the topic with my kids in the future which includes the acceptance from my godmother and my brother and his family as they were already against it with my second cousin. Her educational level and finance/income (i am a struggling artist so i can not provide for 2 people let alone for myself). I spoke to her regarding this and she expressed that she wants to continue her studies and work here but she has no idea on what to do. Her current grades will be enough to do a course but nothing high paid such as a doctor, lawyer or IT. I have a feeling that she is only agreeing because it will help her get a PR in UK by marrying me as she stated this in our earlier conversation but this later changed or got hidden away as we progressed through our text messages. Texting and video phone calls get boring easily due to language barrier. No moral support of understanding of mental issues of life as she lacks experience or knowledge. Have to groom her for western society. Hope that has made sense and expressed the negativity of the situation and now the positive.
I am not the best at using text messages and calling as i prefer the face to face interaction so the bonding and getting to know her is suffering in that regards. So far we have found out about each other the following (main similarities and goals):
> Wants 2 kids
> Wants to travel and see different parts of the world.
> Have similar fashion sense.
> Wants to get married to someone that will care and respect them and not mistreat them.
For me, these things are not enough to be fully excited over a person. I asked for advice from my mums close friend. She said she will marry a cousin if they are nice but also they didnt grow up together or had much contact. She has many cousins with whom she grew up with since she was young so for her cousin marriage is weird if its marrying a sister/brother like cousin figure and not a semi-stranger. My mums friend said that its best if i give her a chance and maybe things will flourish or if they dont just say they are not working out for you. She (My cousin) has told her close friend of who i am (future husband) and people are interested in seeing me. I do not know if she told them i am her first cousin. My mum, my cousin and her family agree to the wedding but i am the only one being indecisive. When i do go to the East during this year my cousin wants to hang out with me and do stuff which is nice and both parental parties are fine with it as my cousin is the one that helps my mum out when she is here.
In conclusion, deep down i dont want to go through with this headache with the whole marriage thing and my mind is not there yet maybe in the near future. Reading materials about genetics with like reading a text argument between siblings, i am unsure on what side carries more weight. I do not have the resources to help her grow into the person she wants to be because i am trying to grow myself. Even though i live with my mum and so will she if she does move here, it will be a blocker for me as she will probably wants to do things together. Some advice on things i have mentioned will help and your experience as to why you chose to marry a first cousin.
hey everybody it's been a hot minute since i was on here but i had a question to ask and an update
to begin is there anything in the bible that any says cousins in our degree can't marry? i keep reading and it doesn't say but list certain family members who you can't be with. Any advice? any and all is greatly appreciated. this is for 2nd and 3rd cousins
Also me and my love are about to celebrate our first year of being together. most of it has been secret but we have made it here and hope to go farther and get married one day despite the oppisotion we will eventually face. He didn't graduate BCT and they sent him home after he was gone for 5 months. we kept in contact through letters. But needless to say he does want to go back and try again if things work out in the future. Now for me i graduated high school and started my college. My love comes and sees me on the weekends and and we spend nights together. WE've talked a lot about our future plans and if things work out for us we want to get married after i finish college and move to a different state. But i personaly am hoping to graduate in 3 years.
I'll begin by saying English is not my native tongue and I apologize for mistakes and errors in advance.
So. What to say?
I'm a female lurker since at least a year. I've read most posts on this site at least once. Questioned my sanity, asked myself if this is really a good idea, tried to talk myself on to another path but no. I'm in love with my cousin. And he wants me too!
So that's a good thing in a complicated situation. We're both single adults with mostly grown children. We sort of are in a relationship. But it's all hush hush. For now.
That's my tiny little introduction, just wanted to say hello. 🙂
This won’t have much substance other than to thank the regular posters and mods for making me feel at home with your intelligence, ultra grammerz, and thoughtfulness that I see throughout each post I have read.
Im a girl with a lifelong puppy crush on a 2y younger male cousin. It has recently turned into something that occupies my mind more frequently, as we have increased personal contact over the summer due to a few family nights out.
(500 mile geographical issue in the USA, been home frequently for my mother’s recent health probs )
We are both in our 30s and I am engaged to someone else. I am not looking to pursue anything romantic, have no idea if it’s even reciprocated.
I am facing family pressure in the sense that his mother encourages time spent together.
I worry that she misunderstands the intention(s) behind the positive effect we have on one another, simply because her culture is ?? and I don’t want to let her down if she is caught off guard that this might have developed.
My cousin and I were both raised on the east coast. He’s my only first male cousin and I went to all girls school which might have fueled the crush long ago.
I don’t necessarily feel weird that I think of him in this way. I can be prone to girlish crushes but never act on them.
However! Since our family likes the results of spending time together, I am nervous. I have full self discipline but feel deeply protective of my crush cousin,
and have admitted to myself reading this forum that I would welcome his <hypothetically> less than cousinly advances should I have been single upon this more adult view of our dynamic.
How can I be the best role model type cousin without hurting him or sending creepy (maybe to him?) signals?
I have a very boyish career trajectory and we both have checkered personal pasts (addictions, anorexia, etc) and I have been surprised to feel like I may be more centered and able to be some sort of role model for once in my life, even though he’s doing well enough for himself rn.
I don’t want to let down my aunt who is catholic and Philippine
(dad’s are brothers, that’s the extent of my immediate family)
I don’t want to let him down as a cousin because I want him to feel valued for more than a love interest. ***however***
i spent a lot of time as a stripper in my early twenties so I feel I can sometimes inject too much of my own sexuality with males I care enough about to encourage. In my own mind or in dark humor moments. While this has never failed me I want to protect my cousin from any of that kind of exposure because I’d like him to pursue a woman more wholesome than I am (he has never brought a woman around the family for holidays which is customary with our little clan, he’s the only boy tho)
You guys are all awesome, even the weirdos among us who make weird OP’s ?. I wanted to say that first and foremost. I’ve never seen a message board with more depth of thought per paragraph than here.
Cheers and love to you all ? and I shall resume lurking in ~2018 threads, as admitting this whole subject is new and interesting to me.