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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Gem

Falling in love with my 1st cousin, who is 9 years older than me and has a girlfriend..

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Guest Gem

Well I'm 21. My first cousin is 30. He lives in Mexico. I live in the states. I've always been in love with him. The last time I went was in 2013. And then this passed week I was just down there. Well, sadly yes he has a girlfriend who he told me he wasn't happy with. And ever since I was little we always had a different bond then the rest of our cousins. Well, just this passed week being down there, we had sex finally. Because we almost did in 2013. Now my thing is.. A) I don't know if I should tell him. I'm afraid to. He makes me genuinely happy. Genuinely. I've always compared every single of my boyfriends to him. I've been single.. I could just imagine how beautiful our relationship would be. I don't want to die without having gotten the chance... But here's another thing.. My family is really religious.. So even if he did feel a certain way, I feel like he would be afraid to pursue it anyways... I don't want any regrets with this. "Go after what makes you happy" "it'll be worth it" they say... But is it really?

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First thing that needs to happen is he needs to break up with his girlfriend and until he does you two shouldn't have anymore interaction together.  No offense but it seems crazy to me how easy it is to hop into bed together but revealing how you feel is the scary part, seeing if he actually likes you more than physically should have came before the sex. There is nothing in Christianity or any other religion I know of that condemns cousin relationships, we have a section dedicated to that here in the browser. You are both adults any decisions you make are your own, as long as you are not physically harming another they get no say in who you date. Only you can answer if it's worth or not, many of us here believe it was. Best of luck to you.

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Guest Gem

Thank you for your words. You are absolutely correct. I won't go out of my way in anyway... and to be honest I highly doubt he's going to leave his girlfriend. I just got home today and now I kind of feel used. which is weird because that's also my cousin. I never knew my cousin could make me feel that way. But, hey you never know what can happen right? til then, no more interaction 

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In my opinion I really think you should move on from him altogether, if he's willing to cheat with you what makes you think he'd never cheat on you?

I'm sorry you feel used and I know that pain feels worse because the person who hurt you is family, it drives me crazy seeing stories like yours especially since the two of you grew up together :/

Please move forward and focus on you. Hang out with friends, get some hobbies, if you're going to college concentrate on your schooling. DATE around and stop comparing other guys to your cousin, who knows how many great relationships you've missed out on because of this fantasy you've built up in your head, you've seen what kind of boyfriend he'd be, not a good one. 

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