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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest SweetRenee

But we love each other

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Guest SweetRenee

Hey im a lil new to this cousin thing... I just recently have fallen in love with my first cousin.... Im 29 he's 25. So we did not grow up together... He is my cousin on my dads side his dad and my dad are brothers. His dad wasnt really a part of his life so i knew he existed i had just never met him.  So one day i was on fb and another cousin tagged him because it was his birthday.... so i friended him... He instantly inboxed me to ask who i was... i told him i was his cousin.. He was a lil upset cuz he said he was about to try and talk to me lol. I asked him what his plans were for his birthday he said nothing because his family didn't really deal with him. I suggested we hang out so we met up later that day, and have been inseparable ever since. Very quickly he made it known he found me attractive and i would just laugh it off like yeah whatever your my cousin. Finally one day he was just like im sorry if i offend u but i have to tell u how i feel.... He said i was the best thing that ever happened to him and he was in love with me... I didn't know what to say.. All i could think was but we're cousins. Even with that being said tho ik i had some feelings about him that were not cousin like i also thought he was attractive but figured that i was gross and weird and just needed to let it go... So i fought it and fought it and everyday he continued to let me kno he loved me no matter what even if i decided it was to weird for me.. But how i feel grew stronger and i finally gave in and decided to say forget it.... I leaned in and kissed him and it was the most magical thing I've ever experienced.... it literally took both of our breath away... lol he gasped for air... He said he really thought he had been in love before... But now knows he wasn't because of how he feels about me this is love.... We have kept this a secret and he doesn't care if anyone knows... because he's not close to our joined family he could careless but i know our joined family very well and im scared of what they may think im also a lil afraid of what my other family will think of me... How do i get pass this???? Cuz I love this man no one has ever made me feel the way he does... I HATE cigarettes and hinted maybe he should stop smoking... He literally put the cigarette out and has not picked one up since (cold turkey)...  how do u tell family your in love with your cousin....

 

 

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your post reminds me a lot of how mark and i felt in the beginning... all those fears, all those emotions, all those everything. we've been married now for 18 years, though. our family didn't have the objections we thought they would. even our exes didn't give us any problems, which is significant since i had children with my ex. i wasn't much older than you when mark and i got together. it was the best decision i've ever made. i've been on this site for about 17 years now, and i've come to realize that nearly everybody fears what family and friends will think. and more than half the time, those fears were unfounded. 

please read through our info pages about the implications genetically, spiritually, and legally. i think that will help you get a grip on your fears. and then check out the letter to mom thread that is posted somewhere on these forums. it's stickied to the top of whichever board it's in, i just don't remember which one that is. that might help you to figure out how to tell the family. or you may want to just use that letter and edit it where you need to. you have permission to do that. :)

you didn't mention if either of you are married or have children or anything of the sort, so i'm assuming you're both free and clear of any other commitments like that. however, i did take a look at where your IP address is from, and you may have some complications due to where you live. if you decide to pursue a permanent relationship, it might need to relocate to a more cousin friendly state.

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Your story sounds very similar to mine. I was also the hesitant one, my cousin like yours didn't grow up around the family so he wasn't concerned with any backlash but I was certain there would be disowning and yelling and all those other scary thoughts that go through your head. When my family finally brought it out in the open there was some uncomfortableness, some harsh words and some disgust but overall it was very temporary. The majority of the people who's opinions I actually care about are pretty supportive and love us all the same, my twin sister is the only one who's been pretty holy crapoly!ty about the whole thing (going on 4 years).

You're both adults so who the two of you date is no concern of theirs, of course it's your family and you want them to know what's going on in your life but it's not something they are owed. When you are ready, get who you would like to know together and speak from the heart. Give them facts, make it clear that this is something you want and hopefully they support you, let them know that they can disagree all they want or whatever other feelings they have about the relationship and that's fine but who you are with does not change who you are and hopefully they don't treat you any different than how they have always treated you. Lady C's letter is a great resource (in this section, shoot the breeze) so definitely check it out, also Ambra_Flows has a great pinned post in help/advice called telling family about our cousin relationships 😁 Best of luck to you and your cousin.

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