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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Guester

Just want to get my attraction to my 1st cousin off my chest...

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Guest Guester   
Guest Guester

To start I am 34 and she is 23 so it's a bit of an age gap but have never had any maturity conflicts between us.

She's my mother's sister's daughter and even though our family is very close I maybe only ever saw her 2-3 times a year or often times not at all for a couple years at a time. When she turned about 18 I noticed she was getting very pretty but didn't really think much about it. Every year since then I've been getting to know her better and we share so much in common that before I knew it I realized I was romantically attracted to her. Initially I felt such a strong shame and repulsion to this attraction that I tried to completely ignore it thinking it would just go away eventuall but instead it seems to get stronger...

Recently we went on vacation together and I had just broken up with my gf and was kind of a very sexual rebound mode which I think may have, for the first time, made my attraction bubbled up and manifested in socially awkward ways and I started noticing her acting funny around me. At first I felt like maybe I was creeping her out with my behavior but the more I observed the more I thought maybe she was feeling the same way too and that she kinda liked it.

Anyways I was still repressing myself so I mostly forgot about it and told myself I'd have more self control next time. Next time was about a week ago at a family gathering. This time she had just broken up with her bf and I was noticing the same obvious mixed body language that I get from girls who like me but don't want you show it publicly and would occasionally catch myself in the same body language. I feel like her mom is starting to notice there's some underlying tension between us.

Yesterday for the first time I openly admitted to myself that I'm very sexual and romantically attracted to my cousin and now I want to get it off my chest. I have no idea how she feels but I suspect the attraction is mutual and confusing for her. I've felt everything from embarrasment to shame to lust to deep affection to love and curiosity and fear over this situation and I'm not sure what to do just yet as I would never do anything that would harm my family under any circumstances, but figured getting it out somewhere and doing some research was a good 1st step.

This place has gone a long way towards making me feel more normal and I'd love to hear any feedback or advice you have to offer.

Thanks I'd you took the time to read all of my story, I tried to keep it breif.

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quarter25    21

Well research is a great first step. If you believe your cousin shares similar feelings then you could test the waters a bit by trying the ole "if you weren't my cousin" line and if she gets freaked out just say "I said if". Other than that I'm not sure what else your looking for as far as advice goes, if you have more to add I'd be more than happy to give you more input :)

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MissPrice    19

Guester, I completely understand the "I would never do anything that would harm my family" thing. My cousin and I, after admitting our feelings to each other, initially said we wouldn't pursue it because we couldn't imagine our family ever accepting it. That didn't last long though, and when we did tell our family, they were way more accepting than we expected. Our grandmother didn't even pause: "I'm not surprised, you two always had a special connection". Take a look at this thread: 

 

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Guest Guester   
Guest Guester

Thanks missprice and quarter25. I honestly don't know if I'm going to test the waters with this or not. Ive been repressing this feeling for her for years so it's just so new for me to even not think of it as weird and shameful to have these feelings. Admitting it quietly to myself and getting it out into the world has made me feel SO relieved though!

I've been unconsciously inhibiting my relationship with my cousin because I'd be terrified of her or my family learning of my attraction, but now I can begin to resolve my true feelings inside myself and then act from a more honest place. At the very least I plan to reach out and attempt be a more active part of her life, and from there who knows.

The funny thing is last week I thought this would destroy my family if it got out but now I'm on the other side and am thinking about how much it could actually strengthen my family if we got together and it was accepted.  Something about feels really right in an odd way. I don't feel like I need advice or help so much as I need validation and support and your comments and this forum has given me that =)

Now if we actually get romantic with it that might be a whole other story lol.

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