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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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I've been romantically involved with my 4th cousin for 13 1/2 yrs and my family has just found out

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Guest Believer

I became romantically involved with my 4th cousin when I was 20 and I am now 33. We hid it for years because things weren't extremely serious. From the black culture it is "nasty" "unnatural" "a mental problem". We became serious about 4yrs ago. I feel like I had been living a double life. My family is all about appearance and how things look. They recently found out and I've been called some hurtful things. Ive been called a bitch...nasty...sick and other hurtful things. Ive been threatened to have things that were given to me removed. I am a strong woman in Christ. He and I pray together...we talk about God together..he lifts me up when I'm down and I do the same for him. We have not officially become an item because we want to be stronger as individuals before we become one. It hurts so bad how my family had reacted. I know that it will not get easy but I know that God is capable of ALL things. Ive gone through the Bible to research if my feelings were wrong or unnatural and I have yet to find anything scriptural to say how we feel is wrong. Please if anyone has any support or information...please share! I feel so alone and confused.

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I will get back to you on this one very soon. Right now I am elbows deep and preparing a brisket for the smoker. I'm sure others will weigh in if they're available today also

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Fourth Cousin?  I don't even KNOW any of my fourth cousins!!  There is NO prohibition against fourth cousins that I've ever heard of.  

You are being abused by a bunch of bullies.  Don't let them control your lives.  I'd tell them to take a long walk off a short pier and mind their own business.  

I recommend a book that helps you deal positively with bullies:  NASTY PEOPLE: HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter.

Welcome to our group.  We are here to give you support and encourage you.

HUGS

Nat

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You will find nothing in the Bible against cousin relationships, God has blessed and encouraged those unions at least 6 times that I know of. If you are certain you are 4th cousins then you share about as much DNA as any unrelated couple and can as far as I know of marry anywhere you wish.

You and your cousin are adults, your family gets no say in your relationship at all, did they ask you for permission when choosing their significant others? I know their judgment can be cruel but it is their problem not yours. Be with who makes you happy and if their verbal abuse continues cut them off, either they will come around or they won't but you do not deserve that type of treatment especially from family. I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your relationship and in life ❤

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Thank you!! I'm very grateful to God for showing me or directing me to this website! This has truly shown me how strong spiritually I am!! My family has said hurtful things about him...I mean nasty things because of his past! I even gave him the choice to leave and I wouldn't hold it against him...he told me to hush all that!! lol...I pray that you all please keep us in your prayers!!!   We need it!!!!

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I will most definitely keep you both in my thoughts and prayers ❤

Sounds to me your family has a lot of growing up to do <_<

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ahhh, i knew people would weigh in with some encouraging words! they're right. there is nothing in the bible that discourages or prohibits even first cousins from marrying. plenty that does indicate it's ok though. isaac and rebecca were first cousins once removed. jacob was first cousin to leah and rachel. God instructed moses to tell zelophehad's five orphan daughters to marry their first cousins. 

realistically, by the time you are further distant than second cousins, you might share a family tree, but you don't share any common DNA beyond what any random, unrelated couple would share. 

people just have knee-jerk reactions to what they don't understand. i'm curious how many of those who are bashing you would say anything negative about a homosexual relationships. i suspect that if cousin marriage was as politically correct as supporting the lgbt community is these days, your family might embrace you with open arms. it's probably human nature to let society determine what we will find acceptable in and from our loved ones. 

i know it's hurtful. but God is your judge, they are not. stand your ground. chances are they'll come around after the initial shock wears off. if they don't, then just remember these few things... look them up and hold them close to your heart...

isaiah 50:20

genesis 2:24 (echoed in eph. 5:31 and matthew 19:5)

phillipians 4:13

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I have gone through so much since I started this thread!! I was in a bad car accident (hit and run) and on top of that I received another attack/confrontation from my mom. It hurts to keep hearing that I have a low self esteem because I want to be with my cousin (which is not true) and to hear that I'm blinded and that they are gonna pray God delivers me from him and open my eyes because I'm wrong and I should follow the law of the land!! It's hard trying to get people to understand!! When I talked about the Bible and what it says my mom told me don't put the Bible in this mess!! She said that the Bible speaks negative about this such thing and that God is not pleased with what I am doing!! She said once she finds the scriptures she would send them to me...so I'll wait on that. All the things that are being said to me just hurts!! It really hurts!! 😢😢

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Sorry to hear about the car accident, hope you are okay.

You'll be waiting a LONG time since there are none! Also first cousin marriage is legal in at least 25 states, the two of you are 4th cousins that's SO far down the family tree you're basically strangers (genetically speaking) there are ZERO laws against 4th cousins!

Your mother is a bully and I'm sorry that you suffer because of that 😩

Sending love and prayers your way ❤❤

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Thanks for the love and prayers!! My mom is 71 and she feels that this is an abomination of God! She is worried what people will say and how they will feel or look at her. For years I have lived how my mom wanted me to and done what she wanted me to do. I can't live my life like that anymore!! I'm trying to live my life in a way that is pleasing to God and it hurts!! I can't say it doesn't!

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Well your mom can feel whatever she pleases but it doesn't make it so. God has already made his decision on the subject and that is that. 

Your relationship has nothing to do with her, period. I know she's your mother and I'm sorry if I sound harsh but if she is more concerned with how others will look at her, has no interest in your feelings what so ever and because of this is demeaning and nasty towards you then not only is she not a very good mother but I'd also say she's not as good of a religious women as well.

I don't know much about you in any other aspect of your life but as far as your relationship with your cousin is concerned you are all right on that front in the eyes of the Lord. 

I'm sure I've mentioned this before but I'll say it again. You do not deserve to be treated like that, especially by someone who's love is supposed be unconditional. You don't have to cut your mother off all together but I would suggest distancing your self from her negativity. Be assertive, let her know it will not be tolerated and if she has any love for you at all she will cut it out or risk losing you. Your life is yours to live, not hers.

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I will NEVER stop loving my mother because my love for her is unconditional!! However I thought that she could be a safe place for me to be able to express my feelings and it's sad to say that she's not! 😔😔 I don't know how God is going to work this situation but I know that now it is out of my hands and I have to turn it over to him!

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Of course, no matter how awful parents can be at times the love will always be there but she should absolutely not be treating you that way 😩 I'm sorry that you could not confide in her and I truly hope that she wakes up and sees how wrong she is. Wishing you all the best, God bless ❤

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