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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Shaniic

The pain of losing our baby

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My boyfriend/ cousin and I have now been together almost 3 years and are happy. At first we thought we could not have kids because of personal reasons but suddenly in may this year I fell pregnant. We were both happy and excited although he seemed a bit nervous because he is 5yrs younger than me and he thinks he is too young for kids. 3 months in I lost the baby and it has taken alot out of me. This year I have lost a job, gained a very stressful job lost a baby in between and I think that iv been too busy with my new job to grieve as much as I need to so when I do get the chance I literally sob my heart out, but because its been almost 2 months since it happened my boyfriend just says to stop being silly. I tell him that I am upset and why and he just says that I don't need to be. When I ask why he isn't sad he says that he is but he just doesn't show it like I do which is fair. I feel like i have a right to be as upset as i need to over this and am not receiving that much support from him. I have thought about counselling but it is too expensive and I feel like he is the only person I can talk to but he wont. What can i do? Who do I turn to?

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*hugs* I believe you are right, that you certainly have a right to grieve as much as need be. It may be that your boyfriend feels uncomfortable seeing you so sad and wants to make it better but doesn't know how, so he simply doesn't know how to deal with it. I'm sure you'll find much support on here. Perhaps you can explain to your boyfriend what you need from him (like a shoulder to cry on, an understanding heart, etc.) Perhaps if he knows what he should do then he'll be more of a support. Anyhow, you're welcome here. Take as much time as you need.

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I think men deal with grief differently to women. I also don't think they understand the emotional attachment a woman develops with an unborn baby, no matter how far along the pregnancy is.  I also agree with what Dittykins said.

*hugs*

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I'm really, deeply sorry for your loss. He just doesn't get what it's like to hold a baby, that's your own. I think you should try to talk to him about it, try to explain how you feel. Plus, he could be really sad too, it might just be the stupid belief that men shouldn't cry, so he's trying not to. God Bless.

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