Ok so I'm new and I really need an advice because I'm so confused.
So my cousin lives in another country (where my parents are originally from) so we really didn't have that much of a contact besides summer, bc we go to visit our family.
I'm born and raised in an european country, where I currently live.
A few years ago, when we were preteens, it was the last time we met (before this year) and we didn't even talk, he now says it was because he was shy. Obviously we know each other since we were little kids and we would always play together and have fun, but as we grew up, we started falling apart and didn't talk at all when we visited them. I had this little feeling for him but I always wanted to hide it, because I grew up in Europe, where marriage or romantic relationships between cousins is seen as incest even though it's legal, but still, it's a huge social taboo.
So fast forward to this year. I'm 19 and he is two years older than me. We are young adults. Keep in mind that all this years I was trying to make my own life and we didn't have any contact at all.
So we go on vacation there and we meet. Throughout the whole journey we didn't talk that much. I was really nervous but I also didn't want to create any sort of relationship between us so I kept it polite but I still was kind of playful, if that makes sense. Oh let me tell you that in this country, marriage between cousins is very common, and normalized, so in that aspect we don't have any problem.
Ok, so the thing is, then he got my social media and when I went back to my country, we started talking. He wanted to know whether I was in a relationship or not and we started knowing each other really well for the first time. After a few weeks he asked me if I liked him or if I could like him one day, because I previously told him I didn't want any relationship with someone from the family. I told him yes and we continued to talk (everyday for HOURS till we go to sleep) and just know each other.
As a person I really really really like him. He is such a nice, sweet, funny and open-minded person. I was NOT expecting it. We talk every day and we talk about everything. Physically I am very attracted to him, since forever actually. And he also likes me. He even told me that he sees us together forever.
Now here's the problem. I'm so afraid about what people will say.
But when I start to analyze things, it's not even that deep. My family will probably 100% approve it, as I told you it's very normal for us in our culture. My friends, they were a little surprised at the beginning when I explained it to them, but quickly went to tell me that I should do what I felt and they are really supportive and encourage me. Legally, it's totally fine and legal in the country I live and basically throughout the whole continent. So the only problem I have is my fear and my thoughts about what others will say.
The thing is both of our fathers are brothers, so we have the same surname. In the country I am from, married women don't take their husband's last name, so if people see we have the same surname they will definitely notice we are related. Also, kids take both surnames, from the father and the mother, so technically they will have the same surname TWICE.
I mean, I know it's the most stupid reason I could come up with, but I really care about what other think about me or us in this case, and this is really destroying our, let's say, happiness, because I'm constantly thinking about this and can't seem to get over it.
I really like him, I actually think I feel way more for him than just like him and whenever he messages me I become the happiest person on Earth. But I'm constantly seeing comments of people saying it's incest, it's wrong, it's disgusting, bla bla bla and it makes me really confused and uncomfortable.
Once I arrived to the point of saying, you know what, I can't continue with this "relationship", I'll just block him everywhere but something kept me off from doing it.
I really thought of just hiding it and not tell anyone about it, I mean the fact that we are cousins, but they will eventually find out one way or another, and that terrifies me.
What should I do? He will get tired of this at the end, because he tells me repeatedly that we shouldn't care about what others think but it's not easy to do it when you live in a society where for loving someone you're considered weird and mentally ill.
If you arrived till here, thank you and I hope to hear from you. Kisses 😘
Hello all, thanks for stopping by. First off, thanks for all the great advice, stories, and posts on here, and special thanks to the creators and admins. This has been bugging me for a while, and I was so glad to discover this place, I really felt welcomed and moved by some of these stories, but most of all, hopeful. I truthfully am a forum noob, and have never really posted anything on a public board before, much less this topic. The reason I started this topic is because most of the threads I came across seemed geared to very young people, and while other posts did offer some insight, I decided to try my luck here, hoping for a more custom tailored response, respectably.
Straight to the goods then. I'm 'Andy' and soon to be 35, she's ‘Cindy’, in her 40s, and we are both single and 1st cousins. I have had a crush on her as far back as I can remember, our families were close when we were kids, and often spent weekends together. Because of our age gap at the time, her being a rebel teen who idolized Madonna and me with my Transformers and GI Joes, we were not very close. We hung out like average cousins, nothing special. Over the years she was always close to my thoughts, plus we stayed in touch on social media, but again noting special. Fast forward a little over two decades, during which we would occasionally see each other at large family gatherings, but no major contact beyond that. Next time, it was special, it felt different. Recently, for an outdoor family reunion, it just so happened that we were seated together and we practically spent the whole time chatting exclusively. I really love to make her laugh and I was doing just that, and so was she. Every now and then I'd get from her, what was probably a wholly innocent gesture, an arm touch and smile. I still refuse to read too much into this, this is uncharted waters and I know better than to treat it like the average crush. At one point during the party, a relative approached us and exclaimed to my cousin Cindy, "oh my, I thought this man was your boyfriend!" Our mutual relative was a little surprised when she realized it was me, but did not make a big deal or read too much into it. This made me back off, obviously my body language or a combination of ours both suggested we were a couple to anyone who did not know better. Cindy's reaction was amazing though, smiles and blush galore, she didn't even make an "Eww face" at the remark. Anyway, since then we have been texting occasionally, every other day, very short conversations because I know she is busy and a single mother. I remember one text she wrote, "I miss you." We exchange our problems and offer advice. On more than one occasion she mentioned how she just wants to be with a nice guy who accepts her, and how hard it is for her to find someone, I responded truthfully, that I'm pretty much in the same situation, looking for "Miss Right" and all that. We even spoke on the phone briefly, this is where it escalates a tiny bit.
Here is where it gets good, but really scary for me. This Saturday we have a date, for lack of a better word, or more accurately dinner and a movie. Yup, I went for it and she said yes! Holy holy crap! What do I do? I kind of have the evening planned, dinner at a nice restaurant, but I'm hoping to sub the movie with something romantic, like somewhere with a nice view of the city. I really just want to talk with her and spend time alone, and gauge her feelings a bit more. Anyway, I am out of my element here. I'm hoping someone reading this has been in a similar position. I am totally patient and would rather something happen organically on her end, than me trying to force it and be selfish. I would love tips for our date though, I will be myself of course, but I’m wondering if there’s little things I could say or do to hint at my romantic interest in her. I'm kind of nervous and don't want to make a fool of myself.
I have strong feelings for Cindy. She's amazing in terms of her fortitude, strength, and outlook on life. She is beautiful inside and out, she makes me laugh, and is always on my mind lately. A part of me believes we don't choose who we fall in love with, and it's not often a girl makes me feel this way. There's definitely some magic there, I just can't tell if its of the romantic kind or not.
Any advice from people who have been in similar situations, and my age group would be preferred, but all thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly in advance!
So I'm currently in a relationship with my first cousin and he lives overseas I'm 19 and he's 21 and we've been seeing each other for about 9 months now and since them i've been able to seem him twice for two months and he's coming to see me in a few months again. I love him so so much and I've never felt this way about anyone in my life and I've finally gotten to the point where I know I want to be with him and I want to make it work so yesterday I decided to talk to my friend about it and I told her how I felt about him and if she'd support me with my decision to be with him but she kept telling me it was wrong to be with him and that I'd meet other guys and fall in love and that I'm still young and should wait until i'm like 28 to see if I still have feelings for him, but she wouldn't listen to how I feel about him, I've been through so much and dated so many different guys and it's so different to how I am with him. He sees who I really am and we've grown so close and know so much about each other. I can't even imagine being with anyone else in the future and I've thought about the consequences of being with him and people not accepting it and I deal with it everyday, I deal with my own family not accepting it everyday and still I want to be with him. What really hurt me is that she said I wouldn't be able to live here because people wouldn't accept it and that I'd have to live with him in his country but it's completely legal in both our countries. She told me it was my decision in the end and that she'd still support me no matter my decision but it doesn't feel that way. It just feels like it's so hard for me because I have no one to support me and my cousin isn't afraid to tell everyone that he's in a relationship with his cousin because people aren't as weird about it there and he has his mother and his family over there that support him as well as his friends but I don't have anyone. A lot of people at work know I have a boyfriend but just don't know he's my cousin and I know that it hurts him that I don't tell everyone we're cousins but I know that they're going to treat me differently and I've already faced so many obstacles living in Australia.
Hi guys, I'm new to all this cousin stuff. Im from the UK so im well aware of the legal issues on cousins.
To cut a story short, ive always had a hunch that my cousin has liked me since we were young, but these past 4 years i think that shes been dropping hints that she likes me. Im 23 and shes 18, i know thats quite an age gap but the thing is, she is exactly like me when i was that age. We often acknowledge our similarities and we are both always a little shocked at how much we are the same. I should cringe at this but ive never really felt a real connection with anyone until recently. Ive had many girlfriends, but there was never a fulfilling feeling of being with them. but anyway ill cut to the story.
On odd occasions my cousin will ask me to go out and i will always say yes, but if i cant i will always rearrange to see her. When we first starting hanging out she would want me to tickle her arms, so basically she was very touchy feely with me. Then a year passed and she got a boyfriend which i was totally fine with but then they split up and we started hanging out abit more, she seemed more shy around me and was alot less touchy feely. Eventually she got another boyfriend and hes a really cool guy we get on, earlier this year she asked me to go round to her house for a massage and she asked to do a full body massage on me, i said no because i didnt want to feel awkward so i ended up just going with a back massage. she was wonderful at it she is amazing at massaging, but i couldnt help but feel a little aroused by it. so anyway i just put that to the back of my head and thought nothing of it because shes my cousin right? Anyway, when we go out as a family to a meal or something, i always catch her looking at me with such a beautiful grin after shes told a joke, even if im sat doing nothing while everyone is talking, i look over at her to catch her staring at me, we lock eyes and oh man does my heart race. It feels like we are the only people in the room. But this week we went to town and we got drunk, while we was out she was telling me that she gets more energy when there's more people and i understand that, so she invited one of her lad mates out. Before he arrived, baring in mind that she has a bf, she was telling me how nice and hot he was, which is what you do at 18 haha. I was looking forward to meeting him, we got on and he mentioned that he wanted a smoke. so i said we could go back to mine because my parents were on holiday and she was really up for that. so this lead me to think that she wanted to get with her friend.
When we arrived at mine we had a smoke, watched a few films and just generally had a good night then i said i was going to go to bed. as i was going up she asked me for a t-shirt to wear to bed, i was drunk and i took mine off and just chucked it at her as a joke. She laughed and said thanks, so she went off to get undressed and put my tshirt on. when i was in bed she messaged me and asked where i was sleeping, i said in my room and laughed. then we carried on talking but i cant remember what about, but i remember her saying "Let me have a nap first". at this point i was so tired i just fell asleep. eventually i woke up at 3 and could not get back to sleep, so i got up brushed my teeth and went to the living room. she came downstairs curiously in my tshirt so i presumed she slept in it and i asked her if she had done the deed with her friend. she laughed and said no as if it was gross. i was abit confused by this, but then it hit me. Was she downstairs with me at 3AM to finally admit to what she was feeling? I went so quiet i didnt know what to do and i felt a sense of tension between us, she said she was going upstairs to put her phone on charge and i told her to come back after. She did come back but she only sat with me for about 10 mins before going to wake her friend up so we could all sit downstairs together. anyway this is where it gets confusing, i try to message her and she will talk to me for a short while but its always a short while, i dont know if she feels awkward with me, honestly im so lost.
I have no idea what im feeling, what shes feeling i just need your guys opinions on the matter. are these obvious signs shes giving me or am i just getting the wrong end of the stick?
If you need more info just ask :).
Im sorry if this is a long story.
Throughout my childhood I always met my cousin every summer vacay and he was like a best friend. During our teens we lost contact then we started talking on facebook for a year and discovered that we had feelings for each other.That summer of that year we were both 18, we reunited in our homeland(we both live in diff countries) and we were both so happy and excited ,he would always message me and ask where I was so he would come see me. Even just talking to each other we were so happy and our convos would never end in family gatherings and eventually our families knew. Both of us are not religious because I was born and raised in canada and he was born and raised in france but our families in our country were, so they wouldnt let us be alone together or even talk. even though we both knew it was forbidden(no relationships before marriage), we still kissed and made out every time we had the chance and we were alone. Summer ended and he went back to france and i came back to canada, we promised we will keep in touch and that he will come to canada and we will get married, he talked about it to his father ( my uncle), that was the plan.
When I came back to canada it was my first year in uni, i met guys and dated a few and i partied alot and eventually i broke up with him. He never gave up he would always try to call me , message me and tell me he would give me a second chance. I knew I loved him deep down and was the only guy i loved, my first kiss and everything but i was denying it and i was convinced he would never come and tht he cheated on me cause he was always telling me and sending me screen shot of girls that want him. He kept messaging me for two years to keep in touch and i never messaged him first he always did, but when he did it meant the world to me. Fast forward two years of being apart, we were both 20, he decided to get married and he did to a french girl. I heard from my mum not him. A part of me died when i heard the news because i thought somehow we will eventually end up together.During his marriage he would still message me telling me he still has feelings for me and asked me to never lose contact with him ,to never forget himm, and that he will visit canada (cuz he worked and has enough money saved) and that if i get married he doesnt want to hear it and he wished i was his wife but he would also tell me he is happy with his wife.fast forward 2 yer later, our grandmother passed away, me and him messaged each other and it helped us heal together then he started telling me that he misses me. I am happy for him that he is happy but now i have to look after myself, i still only want him and i havent even kissed or been with a guy for years cuz i only think of him.I decided to block him of all social media, i know it will hurt him but he moved on i didnt, i need to help myself now, is that selfish of me? i hate keeping in touch with him becaause he always starts talking about our past and at times he would get frustrated and tell me its my fault that we didnt work out and we would have been so happy together. i hate and i cant hear that thats why i blocked him. i hope he understands.
its been 4 years since i saw him but i love him that as much as that first time and i always think about the maagical moments we had together, is it possible i will move on like he did?
i feel like i want to explode because i cant talk to anyone about it