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Yankeeshakes4313

What to do if your family don't accept your relationship with your 2nd cousin

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Just as all the reviewers in that goes ok this site... I also have a private-secret relationship with my 2nd cousin.. I have a hard time time on telling our family... What should I do if they retaliate against us and threatened to not be together? What should I do?

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LadyC    98

yes, please, do tell us more about you and your cousin. where are you from? what are your ages? have you been married previously? do you have children whose other parent might fight for custody? or are you still living at home with your parents? still in college? high school? 

 

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Sorry for the long delay. LOL this is my first reply to my own topic. I'm a newbie and I didn't know really what to do because I really do feel alone. But you make me feel welcome. So I'm going to be more transparent. I'm going to talk about myself and then the girl and be more transparent with the story. But it's going to be very very long.

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Anyway I'm from New York and I'm 21 years old. I moved to North Carolina when I was 14 and I graduated from high school of course. And I'm taking online school to Grand Canyon University I definitely recommend that's school to everybody on here. Anyway I never give it a second thought about dating your cousin. That person that I'm involved with lives in North Carolina with me in the same city as well. We are in Raeford. And to keep her name private. Until she encouraged enough to come on here as well. Her private name that will give her an angel. Because she always want me to call that.

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Well back to the story I didn't give it a second thought about dating your cousin until I met her. Before I dealt with that I dealt with all types of females. He always has something that I like but always like and something that I definitely don't like. LOL I called them hoochie mamas.. and it's funny if you thinking about it the way I am. But anyway back to the story. Me angel mad at the family church for the first time. And I just thought that she just a cool person nerdy just like me. That was at first and didn't talk to her for a while. 7 months later before I had my first surgery my family want to take me out to skating and she was there as well. And if you kind of lost on how old we were. I was 20 and she was 19 at the time. We went roller skating and it was my official time to have a conversation with her. Because at the church we didn't have a proper conversation because everybody else was around. And it was a hi and bye. Bad skating ring I was able to get to know her more. And where exactly the same and that scary.

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At the skating ring we was having a funny competition on who can beat who in the skating ring. And it was the best time I ever had. And every time I look at her during that skating rink I was thinking more than her as my cousin. Even though reality she is. And I hate that at the time because I didn't know what to do. But I was really scared to come out in front of everybody and especially I wanted to sit down and be humble. So I thought it was just the moment or the competition. And just to let you know we still didn't exchange any numbers yet. It was just a family gathering.

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But three months after that she was invited to my house. And I'm still living with my parents because I have to get surgery on my feet. And a quick note for that is that I planning on going to the Navy. However Meps.. a military physical exam. Don't like my bunions lol. And I had to get surgery to get them off. So I'm still in the end of my healing process for one of my feet and had to get the other one off later on. But at this point of the story we are at the end of my healing process for my first foot.

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So when she was at my house. A came back again and we were two peas in a pot. LOL my mom and her mom saying you did it we were not cousins then it will be okay. Then a question came up and I say my head that who give their Authority to say that it's okay or not. And once that first thought bubble kicked in after they say that. I finally exchange numbers with Angel to see where are we at. A few weeks after that. I called and text her day in and day out.

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We joke about each other we laugh about the stupidest things. I'm nerdy she's nearly so we get each other jokes. And always in a competition mindset to beat each other which is absolutely perfect in my book. But while doing that I know that I had to bring it up eventually I did. But in a coward way though. I say that my mom joking me saying that we could be a great couple. And she got nervous and scared because she didn't know what else to do and had the oppression saying that it is wrong to do that. So I quickly drop this subject before it explode in my face.

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And then after a week.. be was calling each other through Facebook Messenger and she finally came out and said she had the same feeling but didn't know what to do. And right there I was shocked, happy, surprised even. Then she asked me what to do. I say before we do anything let's figure that out first together. And let's research if we can do it. So for me I did my research and she did too. Finding YouTube videos of people involved with their own cousins. Not only YouTube videos but in news articles, I also found out it's in the Bible which is shocking that is considered a taboo to Christians. And God said it's okay. Literally okay. And forgive me for anybody that's not a Christian. Just saying it out there just to get respect to the other religions.

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I did find out the site. And I was ecstatic. I didn't get on the message board but I was glad that it was a site at the time. We did our research and we find out that it's okay to do it. However she was going back and forth of worrying about what other people think. And I told her to not worry about that. And just accept your feelings. And she did but she also have a problem of keeping it secret from her family which is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. I mean I understand but if it comes out genuine that you are okay with it. Then there shouldn't be no problem. But she did trying to make it a problem.

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Angels dad is a pastor. And he can read his daughter very well. And he just got a little with of what's going on. And he told her that is not okay. And she called me right after that and she had a nervous breakdown on the phone and she cut me off. And then couple of days after that she calls me apologizing for that. And I time you need to stop doing that because there's nothing wrong not being together. Can I say that is other people and I history that does it. Matter fact everybody in this whole world is technically related anyway. So the back-and-forth was consistently a thing. Of where her Dad drops these Easter eggs in her ear about Bible scriptures. Something that talks about Flesh and all the messed up man going Mistreat her and all types of mass. But pastors are very funny. Did you know that most pastors barely touched the Old Testament. But always nitpick from it and always go off the New Testament. And that Old Testament is 75% of the Bible. And they just nitpicks anything from it. Now I understand that we don't do certain things from the Old Testament but come on. You can't pick a sentence of where you going to leave the paragraph. In Leviticus chapter 18 it never stated that you can't be with your cousin. Because if they did it would say something like "you can't be with your dad's brother'daughter. That is your cousin. Have any sexual relations that your cousins will bring dishonor to your dad's brother's daughter." But the Bible don't even have that and that's funny and crazy at the same time.

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But eventually it boils down to a turning point. She eventually got me off and we haven't talked in a month. And I am very very hurt by it. And I don't know what else to do to be honest. I do believe that she will come around eventually and I will tell her to go on a messenger bored and explain her side of the story and I would tell you how username as well too so y'all can interact and she does. But regardless if she's with me or not. People been got it wrong and having this make-believe stigma that it's wrong to be involved with your cousin. Unless you are in it for the wrong reasons then I'm saying they be wrong like any other relationships. But just like any other relationships if you are in it for the right reasons that they should be nothing wrong. You can literally Look up the word incest and you won't even see cousin in that list. You can literally open up the Bible and you can literally see that it doesn't even condemn it. People need to wake up in the truth.

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And as a inspired journalist that's willing to go to the Navy and be a Navy journalist. I want to be out in the open saying that there's nothing wrong with it. Now I know that I'm not the only one who probably did it. And I know this others that are doing it. But I want to be part of that group. And I don't want to disrespect any other person and not acknowledge that they do it. I'm just saying that I also want to do it. So Count Me In. But anyway I really do want to thank any other reviewer that look at my story. It's very personal to me. And I appreciate any advice you have for me. I'm glad to be with the CC community

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PS. Happy to state that I did share with my grand auntie and a close friend of mine and only my mom so far. And they are against it even though I told them the facts. I can't help it the arrogance. But my sister accept me. I want to be part of this movement and Community because it's the right thing to do. Especially if I am a Christian. Not only because of my needs but for others. So I will love to be involved with this community. Because y'all my cousins too. 😁

Edited by Yankeeshakes4313
Typos

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4 hours ago, LadyC said:

yes, please, do tell us more about you and your cousin. where are you from? what are your ages? have you been married previously? do you have children whose other parent might fight for custody? or are you still living at home with your parents? still in college? high school? 

 

Just read my comments if I miss any of your questions still please tell me

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LadyC    98

so you are second cousins, right? i think i remember that from our correspondence. i know it's hard for a girl to go against her dad's wishes. and especially growing up as a preacher's kid, she's got that whole life long teaching of "respecting your elder" wrapped up with "dad's got a personal line to God" thing to overcome.

i am a christian. i do disagree with your assessment that most preachers never touch the OT... i think the vast majority do, although some denominations are NT-only. i've never been to one of those churches. and i've never been to a church that didn't spend just as much time on the OT studies as the New.

all that is beside the point though, and the point is that preachers are human, and they're just as guilty as the rest of us of having social prejudices or misconceptions that can be very, very difficult to break. there isn't a "cousin marriage 101" class in seminary. sure, they've all studied leviticus, but most simply have never known anyone who married a cousin so when they study the list of forbidden relationships, the fact that cousins are not included in the off-limits list doesn't even sink in. and once they do meet someone who is in love with a cousin, they have the automatic knee-jerk reaction that most of society has... especially if that person happens to be their daughter.

sadly, the fact that she's not even your first cousin seems lost on him. as second cousins there is not even a scripture that could be twisted out of context! it sounds as though your mother and hers though, as well as your dad, are a little more level-headed on the issue though, and that's a good thing. maybe angel's mother can get through to her dad at some point.

until then though, you may have to have a lot of patience. she's still young. obeying and honoring her father is deeply ingrained in her. and that's ok, it's biblical... but so is joining with a husband and leaving the rule of your father. 

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6 hours ago, LadyC said:

so you are second cousins, right? i think i remember that from our correspondence. i know it's hard for a girl to go against her dad's wishes. and especially growing up as a preacher's kid, she's got that whole life long teaching of "respecting your elder" wrapped up with "dad's got a personal line to God" thing to overcome.

i am a christian. i do disagree with your assessment that most preachers never touch the OT... i think the vast majority do, although some denominations are NT-only. i've never been to one of those churches. and i've never been to a church that didn't spend just as much time on the OT studies as the New.

all that is beside the point though, and the point is that preachers are human, and they're just as guilty as the rest of us of having social prejudices or misconceptions that can be very, very difficult to break. there isn't a "cousin marriage 101" class in seminary. sure, they've all studied leviticus, but most simply have never known anyone who married a cousin so when they study the list of forbidden relationships, the fact that cousins are not included in the off-limits list doesn't even sink in. and once they do meet someone who is in love with a cousin, they have the automatic knee-jerk reaction that most of society has... especially if that person happens to be their daughter.

sadly, the fact that she's not even your first cousin seems lost on him. as second cousins there is not even a scripture that could be twisted out of context! it sounds as though your mother and hers though, as well as your dad, are a little more level-headed on the issue though, and that's a good thing. maybe angel's mother can get through to her dad at some point.

until then though, you may have to have a lot of patience. she's still young. obeying and honoring her father is deeply ingrained in her. and that's ok, it's biblical... but so is joining with a husband and leaving the rule of your father. 

Regardless if we have our viewpoints of the old of the New Testament... That was very cool and nice on what you said. However my family is not level-headed on the subject. When I told him they are still against it. And I told him regardless if they going to accept the facts or be arrogant about it. I'm going to do what is right for myself and for others that do this. Regardless if I am involved with my own cousin or not, I'm going to be full support of it.#spreadtheword

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