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Guest mariosonic

Hindus - supportive of cousin marriage?

52 posts in this topic

Hey, mariosonic here again!

I'm a Hindu, and I was just wondering if there are other Hindus on this site that have experienced their families' opinions of cousin marriage.

I know that there are two types of Hinduism. The first is North Indian. The second is South Indian and Sri Lanka. I'm South Indian. :)

In Christianity, the Bible actually supports cousin marriage. Mary and Joseph were cousins! Is there anything like this in Hinduism?

Also, it would be nice if we could round up Hindu members of the site and share experiences. It would really help ME personally and other people too!

Thank You for reading!

mariosonic

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have you checked out the non-forum pages on this site? there is a page that covers most world religions.

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I don't know if all or even most Hindus support it, but I think in places like India things like arranged marriages are popular. I believe in many cases this is done between parents who are friends and want to unify clans, but in older times I believe it was done to solidify an existing one as well.

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i am hindu and dating my second cousin, my family accepts it and his doesn't..its so hard!! theyre doing everythin in their power to keep us apart

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I am a hindu south indian too..

My husband's mother accepts it but no one else does ..Everyone blackmailing emotionally to set me apart..Each day is a hell calling my parents and they keep crying or always mourning as if someone died.

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i was wondering which of your mom and dad and her mom and dad are the siblings?

by the way everyone, i can't use the PM system on this board, it doesn't seem to work. i tried like 4 times.

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oh man thats going to be hard for you. honestly i dont think you will ever be able to convince your parents at least if they live in india. there have been cases like yours where the daughter is kidnapped by her family and the indian police dont lift a finger because its not a valid marriage. although if you convert to islam then the indian government would recognize it. also if you want a community that accepts you then you might also want to think about becoming muslim. unfortunately, im very sorry to say that hindus will never accept your marriage. i really do wish you the best of luck though. if you dont want to be muslim maybe there is a way to come to america or britain. there is plenty of opportunity in these places and if you both work for it you would be able to achieve a good life there, no matter what anyone else thinks.

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Thanks Jay,

Yeah its hard being a hindu and doing this but we dint really plan anything..I married him in a temple and not even one single thought just flashed my mind that I am doing something wrong..Only now when my parents are crying I am like "Oops is this how I am punished for deciding my own life ..."

We both are now in USA in a temporary visa(L1) and we are trying a lot to live here permanently..The very positive part in my life when compared to others is his mother (my present mother -in law,past aunt) is so supportive but still she wont defend us with anyone in our family but she has no problem at all..She talks with me daily and giving me strength to face my problems..she wishes me for my anniversary and stuff like that.. She and my sister are the only two persons in my family to know about our marriage.

Believe it or not I am like seriously considering my option to become a muslim or to get re-married in Florida where they accept cousin marriage someone told me.I dont bother which religion but the hard fact is if i am converted to muslim i gotta face lots of problem with settling in USA with visa and all stuffs like that..there are lots of rejections and background checks if i apply as a muslim and really no offence to anybody..sorry if i hurt your feelings...its nothing to do with that religion actually.

I think my aunt was ok because she worked in a muslim firm for almost 30+ years and so she just dont think its that serious :)..she values her son happiness the most in this world..I wish why my mother wont be like this :(..i hate to make her cry so we dont even think of revealing this to my parents she will break down (though she is half dead now) completely.

Its hard you know...he is my first love and my last love actually and nothing was intentional and it just happened so casually...Now getting back from this option is impossible..He is so sweet ,he asks me to go live with my parents for 2-3 yrs and he is ready to wait for me until i convince them to some extent,but i want to live with him badly.

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i am so sorry about your situation Tamilian. my recommendation for you would strongly be to stay in this country if at all possible. frankly i would be afraid of going back to india because terrible things can and do happen to people in situations like yours. other people in these situations have been kidnapped or even in some cases killed.

my guess is getting remarried here would be a good idea. they will perform cousin marriages in many parts of the USA. florida is one. you can click here to see others: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Cousin_marriage_map1.svg

if you convert to islam then you will have a community that accepts you, wherever you are. i dont think anybody in the usa will really care if you are muslim actually. im not even sure they will ask you. i suspect the only real legal effect of being muslim would be in india. of course, whether to change your religion is a very big decision. maybe you have reason to be afraid of how your family would feel if they found out you converted. but remember that if they find out about this marriage at all they will still be upset, and in hard times having a community to belong to can help comfort you and get you through.

do NOT accept any ideas about splitting up for 2-3 years and convincing your parents. almost certainly this will not happen and you will never see your husband again.

if your husband is thinking about splitting up, here is one idea -- get pregnant! this will no doubt help you because you will then have an extra bond between you through your child and your child will be a US citizen.

i really wish you the best of luck and hope you succeed.

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Thanks for your advice and support.

Right now I am definetely not in a position to get pregnant,that will be so selfish of me..I cant leave my parents thrown to hell just like that..atleast they will be convinced now thinking i will be unmarried forever ... When time comes and they understand or atleast reach a point where they can forget my deeds and live peacefully (though not happy) for  my sister I will think about living happy too with my husband.. I know am punishing myself for nothing but i just cant think of any good option than this

With patience and counting days ..  :embarrassed:

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Hi there,

Why you becoming Muslim? just to get your love?

so that being a Muslim you won't have any problem in cousin marraige?

Dear think carefully. I am a born Muslim, my suggestion to you is, think think and think again.

Remember your family is not accepting your marriage now, would they accept you being a Muslim.

Now coming to becoming a Muslim doesn't mean you'll face a lot of problems just because you are a Muslim. There are plenty of people living all around the world and they are successful. Although because of the current so called war on terrorism have made Islam a hot topic all over the internation media, whereas if you follow the history you'll face a different picture. Anyways thats a different debate.

All I would say to you is to think carefully. If you do a little research few God's of Hinduism married to their first/Second cousins. (Please forgive me if I am making anybody upset).

Christianity allows cousin marriages, there is no problem at all. But when you speak to english people they would make it a big issue, I dont know why, even it is not prohebittied in Christianity.

Please DO NOT become Muslim just to marry your cousin. But also study about Islam and become a Muslim for all good reasons.

May God be with you and guide you to the right path.

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Tamalian, I am going through the exact same thing as you. I am also a hindu and in love with my first cousin. It is very hard for me. My parents are not accepting this and now I have to hide it. I just wish they can have an open mind and think about my happiness. I am at the marriagable age now and they keep bugging me to find someone and get married. I know that our lives will be so good together. Sometimes I get so depressed that i can't be with him. He loves me dearly. I don't want to hurt my parents. They mean a lot to me. What makes it worst is that I am the only daughter. I don't want to disappoint them. What should i do? Forget him and move on? (i don't think i will be able to do this) or fight for us?

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if u truly love your cousin, wait until u are living on your own and hopefully if both of u are still single, u can give it a shot again or try "lady c's" letter on the "shoot the breeze" section on the forum, have u hit them with the facts and asked them to stop being close-minded and that there is a high chance that they will be at least a bit more open to the idea if they engage themselves in a little research, if it's legal, god supports it, why are they so keen in making the man-made stigma keep them from wavering to supporting their daughter

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i work with a girl who is hindu. we were talking last night and i told her that i was married to my cousin, and she said "was it a love marriage or an arranged marriage?"

LOL, i just thought i'd share that! it was cute, because americans don't generally arrange marriages! i loved the fact that there was no shock, no surprise, no judgment, just curiosity over whether i'd chosen to marry him or if i'd had no choice at all.

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Hi,

a bit happier today.. i posted my problem in the lawyersclubindia and one of the lawyers said this

"

IF U R HINDUS THEN YR CASE IS COVERED UNDER SECTIONS 5 & 11 OF HINDU MARRIAGE ACT. IT IS NO MARRIAGE IN THE EYES OF LAW, JUST A MUTUAL ARRANGEMENT, SO NO NEED TO APPLY FOR NULLITY. IT WILL BE FOOLISH. `A BAIL MUJHE MAR'.THERE IS NO SUCH BAN FOR MUSLIMS. BOTH OF U BEING MAJORS, PARENTS OR POLICE OR COURTS CAN NOT INTERFERE AT ALL. NO ONE CAN INTERFERE IN YR PERSONAL LIFE. WARN THEM STRICTLY. U HAVE FULL RIGHT TO PREVENT BEING HARASSED. ALWAYS REMEMBER-MIAN BIWI RAAZI TO KYA KAREGA KAZI. PLEASE TRY NOT TO CONCEIVE DUE TO GENETIC PROBLEMS. IN LIFE, IT IS GOOD TO FALL IN LOVE AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER THAN TO BOTHER FOR JEALOUS PERSONS. ONCE MARRIED, TRY TO LIVE TOGETHER RATHER THAN BEING APART. ALWAYS AT YR HELP. R N DATT BARODA INDIA [email protected] PROBLEM WILL COME ONLY IF YR HUSBAND LEAVES U. U WONT BE ABLE TO GET BENEFIT OF LAWS PROTECTING LADIES. NOTHING ELSE."

If any indian and hindu is with any problems from home just give him a call..he shud be able to help you

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BUT WHY!!!!!

Pandav Arjun was married to Subhadra, his cousin with the help of Lord Krishna and they had a son, the brave  Abhimanyu.

Abhimanyu was again married to his cousin Uttara and they had a son Parikshit who became the king of Hastinapur.

At that time, anyone did not mind in this matter, even Lord Krishna helped Arjun to marry his cousin, so why people today create problems

in marrying to cousins in Hinduism.

Are these people more spiritual, knowledgeable and intelligent then Lord Krishna, Arjun or all people at that time?????????????? 

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i work with a girl who is hindu. we were talking last night and i told her that i was married to my cousin, and she said "was it a love marriage or an arranged marriage?"

LOL, i just thought i'd share that! it was cute, because americans don't generally arrange marriages! i loved the fact that there was no shock, no surprise, no judgment, just curiosity over whether i'd chosen to marry him or if i'd had no choice at all.

LOL that is quite common, I'm afraid.

I'm also Hindu; North Indian.

I was wondering if it's legal in the north? as on the site it mainly talks about the south.

Also I live in Canada and she lives in India.

i was wondering if I could apply for her and she could move here (in a few years if were still together.)

And since it's Canada, we could legally get married here.

or.

Is it possible to get married in any part of India at all? (Excluding religion. Because personally it has nothing to do with marriage.)

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Hi,

a bit happier today.. i posted my problem in the lawyersclubindia and one of the lawyers said this

"

IF U R HINDUS THEN YR CASE IS COVERED UNDER SECTIONS 5 & 11 OF HINDU MARRIAGE ACT. IT IS NO MARRIAGE IN THE EYES OF LAW, JUST A MUTUAL ARRANGEMENT, SO NO NEED TO APPLY FOR NULLITY. IT WILL BE FOOLISH. `A BAIL MUJHE MAR'.THERE IS NO SUCH BAN FOR MUSLIMS. BOTH OF U BEING MAJORS, PARENTS OR POLICE OR COURTS CAN NOT INTERFERE AT ALL. NO ONE CAN INTERFERE IN YR PERSONAL LIFE. WARN THEM STRICTLY. U HAVE FULL RIGHT TO PREVENT BEING HARASSED. ALWAYS REMEMBER-MIAN BIWI RAAZI TO KYA KAREGA KAZI. PLEASE TRY NOT TO CONCEIVE DUE TO GENETIC PROBLEMS. IN LIFE, IT IS GOOD TO FALL IN LOVE AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER THAN TO BOTHER FOR JEALOUS PERSONS. ONCE MARRIED, TRY TO LIVE TOGETHER RATHER THAN BEING APART. ALWAYS AT YR HELP. R N DATT BARODA INDIA [email protected] PROBLEM WILL COME ONLY IF YR HUSBAND LEAVES U. U WONT BE ABLE TO GET BENEFIT OF LAWS PROTECTING LADIES. NOTHING ELSE."

If any indian and hindu is with any problems from home just give him a call..he shud be able to help you

SurvingForTheBest,

        How exactly are you and your husband related? Sorry if you mentioned it somewhere and I missed it...Are you first or second cousins?  If you're second cousins the Hindu Marriage Act isn't the only law that applies to you...you can get married in India under the Special Marriage Act, as it is irrespective of religion.  You just don't declare a religion, I believe.  Also, which part of India are you from? If you don't mind me asking...I'm also indian, and in love with my cousin.  You can read my story here -----> http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php?topic=4416.0

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I also did marriage with my cosine.we love each other a lot.we are fighting for the life but we are happy

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I have to say marriage between first cousins is not good at all. Its been proven through science that the children being born through cousine marriage have health issues and mental problems with behaviour problems with anger etc..... Islam supports this as the first option for marriage. This is because the prophet himself married his cousin.

I am surprised that Hindus actually do this. Hinduism as a religion dont support this at all as family values are built around brotherly relations with cousins. Most cousins tie Rakhee to there cousin.

Btw, Abhimanu did not marry his cousine, Uttara was from a different kingdom when the Pandavs were in there 13th year of exile and Arjun didnt marry his cousine either. 

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Ishwar, what science are you referring to? And the proof also? Do the children have more issues than the offspring of a drunkard or a family whose father walked out on them? Maybe you'd like to enlighten us?  :rolleyes:

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According to me I have been in contact to many Hindu families and I don't think there is any concept or even they support cousin marriage. This is not the part of Hindu culture.

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I am also a Hindu and I would like to know if cousin marriages happen in Kolkata or other parts of West Bengal

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