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dhiemhie0127

Cousin Couples from the Philippines let's unite here

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@sir pooch susundin ko po advice ninyo. Masakit lang talaga ngayonga bagay bagay. Bakit ang lalaki mas madali mag move on?

Hoping na maging ok kayo ng cousin/bf mo LonelynSad!

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@dhiemie ako rin umaasa pa ng todo todo talaga. Pero tama sir pooch. Naisip ko nga baka sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa kanya nakalimutan ko na sarili ko ? kelangan ko talaga ng makakausap meron ba dito asa pinas para makatext ??

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Sa sobrang depressed ko ngayon makailang beses ko na naisip magpakamatay :-(  ngayon nga may sakit ako at umiihi ng dugo ang sabi nya lang sakin, alagaan mo nga sarili mo, maghanap ka ng taong magttyagang magalafa sayo. :( ganon na ba ko kasamang girlfriend? Tapos sabi niya pa sasama sya sa outing at magpapakalasing siya kasi gusto na daw nya maging masaya. Bakit nya ko sinasaktan ng ganito? :( sa bahay kasi nila ko dumiretso after ko madischarge sa hospital kasi malayo ang bahay namin at di ako masundo ng kapatid ko.

Sinabihan nya pa kong bayaran lahat ng mga utang ko sa kanya. ? ang lungkot lungkot

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hi pooch,

thanks for the replies..hindi ko rin kayang lumayo sa family ko kc para sa akin responsibilidad ko sila..kahit nakakailang eh kinakaya ko..anyway may hinala namn na sila about sa relationship namin..yung ibang mga kapatid ko alam na nila..sabi nga nila dismayado sila sa akin..minura mura din ako last week ng bunso kong kapatid through txt kc nalaman nya but afterwards eh humingi sya ng sorry sa mga nasabi nya..but then di pa rin maalis galit nila sa pinsan namin..mahal na mahal din kc nila anak ko..yung ibang kamag anak namin alam din nila pero di nila kami kinokompronta tungkol doon.. and yung isang kapatid ng tatay ko alam nya kc inamin ko sa kanya yun lng nagkamali ako ng taong pinagkatiwalaan kc sya pa ang sumisira sa amin ngaun..

sa ngaun umiiwas muna ako kc sobrang stressed na ako..kinakaya ko n lng..bahala na jan..hehe..

@lonelysad, be strong..think positive lang..mahirap tlga lalo na sa umpisa..

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Sa sobrang depressed ko ngayon makailang beses ko na naisip magpakamatay :-(  ngayon nga may sakit ako at umiihi ng dugo ang sabi nya lang sakin, alagaan mo nga sarili mo, maghanap ka ng taong magttyagang magalafa sayo. :( ganon na ba ko kasamang girlfriend? Tapos sabi niya pa sasama sya sa outing at magpapakalasing siya kasi gusto na daw nya maging masaya. Bakit nya ko sinasaktan ng ganito? :( sa bahay kasi nila ko dumiretso after ko madischarge sa hospital kasi malayo ang bahay namin at di ako masundo ng kapatid ko.

Sinabihan nya pa kong bayaran lahat ng mga utang ko sa kanya. ? ang lungkot lungkot

wow..tama na..makinig ka kay sir pooch kc lalaki din sya..try mo na ding umiwas muna..sa tingin ko mas nakalamang yung stress sa kanya at pinili nyang igive up ka..hmn opinion ko lng ha..nangyari din kc sa amin yan eh..nagkaroon din sya ng ibang gf iniuuwi pa nga nya dati..yun yung reason kaya nabawasan tiwala ko sa kanya but anyway nagbago nmn n sya..madalas ko din sya awayin lalo na pag naiisip ko yun at lagi kong sinasabi na maghiwalay na kami pero never syang pumayag..

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Salamat senyo @myne23 at @belle10

Sa ngayon po nararamdaman ko lang tlga e lungkot. Namimis ko na sya e. Noon ang sweet sweet nya. Ngayon nagagalit na xa pag tinetext ko sya. Sori @pooch kasi kahit pigilan ko di ko magawa. Ako kasi gumigising sa kanya pag papasok na ng shift. Pag di ko sya tinext o miniscall nagaalala ako baka malate sya. Tanga ko tlga. Nagpapaka martyr ako sa taong ayaw na sakin. Minsan iniisip ko sana sabihn nalang nya. Kasi sinasabi niya parin na mahal nya ko pero yung actions nya iba na sa sinasabi ng bibig nya. Ako na yung tanga. Ako na yung nageeffort pumunta sa kanila, tapos pagdating dun sasabihan ako ng tignan mo nga itsura mo. Tapos pag tntry kp sya akapin deadma. Kaya ko nasabi yung dati na para nalang ako linta. Kasi pag inaakap ko sya wala nang affection na bumabalik. Tapos pag naiyak ako magagalit sya. Wala na daw ako ginawa kundi umiyak. Napakaemotional ko kasi na tao, para sa kanya kahinaan yun. Nagising na naman ako ng maaga. Wala na naman laman inbox ko ?

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Hello po... I need your prayers.  yung baby namin ng first cousin ko ay nasa hospital ngayon and diagnosed with congenital heart disease - congenital mitral regurgitation and left ventricular non-compaction.  sinabi sa amin ng doctor na my baby will only live for 3 years and a half.  my baby is a 2 mos girl and she might need a heart transplant.  she is currently admitted in PGH at balak na namin ilipat siya sa philippine heart center.

I dont know what to do...my hearts tearing me apart... :cry:

Prayers for your baby po... Be strong po...

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Sorry guys ha, wala talaga ko ibang makausap e. Naiisip ko lang siguro di na nya ko mahal. Sabi niya sakin kanina, mahal nya ko pero nabawasan lang daw tlga. Di ko na alam kung hanggang kelan pako tAtagal sa ganitong situation. Sabi nya ayaw nya daw lumayo gusto lang daw nya mapagisa at magisip. Pagod na pagod nako at depressed na depressed na sa situation ko

I think kung may makakarelate man kay LNS dito.. ako yun. Because I have been in a similar situation, ang kaso ako yung may kasalanan (which I will not mention) at masasabi ko kung ano ba ang side nung nasa may KASALANAN. Ganito ang nangyari after malaman ng bf ko yung kasalanan ko:

:cry: Kalamado nya akong kinausap, pinatawad at sinabing tatanggapin parin nya ako.

  :( Pero nagkaroon ng crack ang pakikitungo nya sakin. May time na tamad na siya magtxt at ako naman ang nangungulit (in contrast to what happened to LNS). Bakit nga ba nangungulit ang isang babae? Simply because she wanted an assurance na mahal pa rin siya. As for your bf LNS, siguro naguguilty siya kaya gusto nya ng time.

:embarrassed: Dumating yung time na as in hindi na ako kinakausap ng bf ko at nawala na yung respeto nya sakin dahil ginago ko daw siya. Until he broke up with me. Babalik siya pero biglang ganun na naman, isinisisi nya sakin ung ksalanan ko.

  :lipsrsealed: Napagod talaga ako, iniisip ko na ginawa ko na ang lahat para mbyaran ko yung ksalanan ko but still hndi prn nya makita. Palagi nyang itinatanong in details kung ano yung nagyari, and it kills me lalo pa at nagbabago yung pakikitungo niya sakin kapag nababanggit yung tungkol sa nagawa ko. Pinapakisamahan na lang nya ako. When he slapped me with foul words, dun na ako sumabog.. Sinabi ko lahat ng sama ng loob ko. Sumuko na ako. Nanahimik at hnd n ngprmdam sa kanya.

:( Nung bngyan ko sya ng oras para magisip, bumalik sya sakin at kinausap nya ako. Sana daw ay tanggapin ko sya ulit. Naisip daw nya na hnd tamang manalo ung kasalanan laban sa relasyon naming dlawa.

:smiley: May away parin kami pero nasesettle nman un. Were happy now.

Here's what you have to do: (Base ito sa side ng may kasalanan. Hindi ko alam kung maaapply mo pa ito ngaun pero sana mging aral dn sa iba.)

1. Kung nagdecide kang tanggapin siya, tanggapin mo siya ng BUO. Tutal desisyon mo yun kaya wag mo siyang sisihin. Panindigan mo ang sinabi mo na tatanggapin mo siya.

2. LOVE KEEPS NO RECORDS OF WRONG. Mahirap to dahil once na nagkaroon na ng kasalanan ang isang tao, iniisip mo na palagi na siyang gagawa ng kasalanan. In my case, dun sa ngyari sakin eh narealize ko na mas lumalim ang pagmamahal ko sa bf ko dahil nalaman ko yung sacrifice nya para tanggapin ako. IN SHORT, I LEARNED MY LESSON.

3. This is typical but TRUE. Isipin mo na tao lang siya, nagkakamali, natutukso, tinatamad, umuutot. May oras na hindi nag-iisip ang tao kung ano ang consequence ng mga gngwa nya, nagpapadala sya sa sitwasyon at yun AY PARTE NG PAGIGING TAO.

4. Wag mo siyang tanungin tungkol sa kasalanan nya ng paulit-ulit, dahil sigurado naman na alam mo na ang nangyari nung unang beses na mabalitaan mo ito, kapag paulit ulit mo siyang tinanong, iisipin nya na gusto mo lang ipamukha sa knya kung gaano siya kasamang tao dahil sa kasalanang nagawa nya, which will lead him to become distant. It will cause him PAIN, ops! alam ko reaction nyo :"AH SO NGAYON NASASAKTAN SIYA KAPAG TINATANONG KO SIYA PERO SIYA NAISIP NYA BA NA NASAKTAN DIN NYA AKO?" Well then, masakit din sa part ng may kasalanan yun. Doble ang sakit kapag alam mo na nasasaktan yung taong mahal mo, AT DAHIL YUN SAYO. Just imagine.

5. Give him time to think, men needs space and silence sometimes lalo kapag naguguluhan. Wag kang magpakanagger thru text and calls. Ako noon, palagi ko syang kinukulit sa text at tawag pero narealize ko na mas gusto ko na tawagan nya ako at kausapin dahil nagkusa siya at HINDI DAHIL PINILIT KO SIYA! Hindi porke hindi ka niya tinetext eh nasa ibang babae na ang atensyon nya. May buhay rin naman siya, trabaho at pamilya.

6. Show him that you love him more than you did before, dahil kapag sinisi mo siya... lalo siyang lalayo sayo.Kapag ipinakita mong mahal mo siya, hahangaan ka nya sa katatagan mo dahil nagawa mo siyang tanggapin, he'll think that he's one lucky guy to have someone like you.

7. Put yourself into his situation. In this way mas makakarelate ka sa kanya at mabubuild ulit ang tiwala mo sa kanya.

8. Put some effort. Wag kang maghintay na bumawi siya dahil may kasalanan siya, hindi tama yun. It should be give and take. Kapag nakita niya na nageeffort ka parin sa relasyon niyo, mas hahangaan ka pa nya.

8. TRUST AGAIN. Everybody deserves a second chance. (Kapag nafeel mo n ngbago na siya, Great. That means, mas mamahalin ka pa nya. If hnd, DEAD END na.)

ALL IN ALL, I think dapat mo muna siyang bgyan ng space at time, iparamdam mong kaya mong mabuhay ng wala sya. On that way, mararamdaman nya n ayaw nyang hnd sya parte ng masaya mong buhay. Isa lang ang keyword jan LNS: SELF-RESPECT, wag mong pababain ang sarili mo para hindi ka nya tingnan pababa.

Kung babalik siya sayo, cherish every moment with him.

Kung hindi na, SMILE AND FACE THE WORLD W/O HIM. HINDI MO NAMAN GUGUSTUHING MAKASAMA ANG ISANG TAO NA HINDI KA BINIBIGYAN NG ASSURANCE DIBA?

Pero about this: "Sinabihan nya pa kong bayaran lahat ng mga utang ko sa kanya."

Mahalin mo na lang ang sarili mo. A guy like this dont deserve someone like you. UTANG? Gosh, siya lang ba ang nageeffort sa relasyon nyo para sabihin nya yun? Hindi ba nya naisip na nakakawala ng pagkalalaki yung sinabi nya. Ateng, mag-isip kang mabuti ha? Para sayo din to. Sana nakatulong ang nobela kong payo. HEHEHE. :)

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Hi po @taimis

Salamat sa napaka insightful na message. Mejo ok napo kami. Buti nalang nagkausap na. :)

Sa lahat ng tumulong sakin salamat. Thanks @mhine23 @sir pooch :)

Sana tuloy tuloy na

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Welcome LNS!  :azn:

Mga ka-CC may itatanong po ako. I have this aunt (my father's older sister) since bata pa ako talagang hindi na kami pinagtatagpo ng pamilya namin dahil mainit ang ulo niya sakin, as in. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit at dahil dun hindi ako nagpapatalo sa kanya, I always give her a cold shoulder, tipong wala akong pakealam sa kanya, kasi alam ko na kapag umimik ako eh masasagot ko siya. pero nagbago naman ang lahat nung nagmature na ako, natuto akog makisama sa kanya kahitpapaano pero sa totoo lang ganun parin ang ugali niya, palagi siyang may opinion sa buhay ng tao, masakit siya magsalita at talagang offensive. Hindi sana ako mabobother sa kanya ang kaso.. I'm worried about her reactions and what she might do on the revelation day. You see, 1st cousin niya ang tatay ng bf/cuz ko at bestfriend naman niya ang nanay nito.. to sum the details on how close she is with my bf's family.. inaanak din niya ang bf ko. Meaning, kapag dumating ang revelation day, marami siyang pwedeng maimpluwensyahan. My question is, ano ang dapat kong gawin kapag nagsalita na siya ng tungkol sa kung anung tingin niya sa relasyon namin ng bf ko, ano ang mga dapat naming sabihin para maconvince din namin siya?

Thanks in advance!  :azn:

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Welcome LNS!  :azn:

Mga ka-CC may itatanong po ako. I have this aunt (my father's older sister) since bata pa ako talagang hindi na kami pinagtatagpo ng pamilya namin dahil mainit ang ulo niya sakin, as in. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit at dahil dun hindi ako nagpapatalo sa kanya, I always give her a cold shoulder, tipong wala akong pakealam sa kanya, kasi alam ko na kapag umimik ako eh masasagot ko siya. pero nagbago naman ang lahat nung nagmature na ako, natuto akog makisama sa kanya kahitpapaano pero sa totoo lang ganun parin ang ugali niya, palagi siyang may opinion sa buhay ng tao, masakit siya magsalita at talagang offensive. Hindi sana ako mabobother sa kanya ang kaso.. I'm worried about her reactions and what she might do on the revelation day. You see, 1st cousin niya ang tatay ng bf/cuz ko at bestfriend naman niya ang nanay nito.. to sum the details on how close she is with my bf's family.. inaanak din niya ang bf ko. Meaning, kapag dumating ang revelation day, marami siyang pwedeng maimpluwensyahan. My question is, ano ang dapat kong gawin kapag nagsalita na siya ng tungkol sa kung anung tingin niya sa relasyon namin ng bf ko, ano ang mga dapat naming sabihin para maconvince din namin siya?

Thanks in advance!  :azn:

Napakagandang tanong!

Iyan din ang tanong ko Taimis eh, alam mo ba? Nakakarelate talaga ako..lol

At isa iyan sa mga hadlangin kung bakit nagdadalawang-isip ako sa revelation day ko. Kasi ito yung mga tipong, "I have to get it right the first time". Lalo't higit alam kong minamanmanan ang galaw ko... Pero at the same time, ayoko naming maging paranoid. alam mo yun? Pero tama ka, may mga tao lang talaga na kung makapagbigay ng opinion sa kapwa niya eh ganun na ganun na lang...

Pero alam mo ba, naniniwala akong dalawang klase pa rin yang mga ganyang tao eh. especially sa kamag-anak ah.. Yung isa eh talagang brutally honest lang at gusto lang niyang sabihin kung anong nasa isip niya or kugn anong nararamdaman niya. If that's the case, then mas okay na yun kesa maging plastic. Pero merong ibang tao na talagang super kung maka-chismax... Now dito mo na titingnan kung aling kategorya ba nandun ang itong tita mong ito. :P

Pooch

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Napakagandang tanong!

Iyan din ang tanong ko Taimis eh, alam mo ba? Nakakarelate talaga ako..lol

At isa iyan sa mga hadlangin kung bakit nagdadalawang-isip ako sa revelation day ko. Kasi ito yung mga tipong, "I have to get it right the first time". Lalo't higit alam kong minamanmanan ang galaw ko... Pero at the same time, ayoko naming maging paranoid. alam mo yun? Pero tama ka, may mga tao lang talaga na kung makapagbigay ng opinion sa kapwa niya eh ganun na ganun na lang...

Pero alam mo ba, naniniwala akong dalawang klase pa rin yang mga ganyang tao eh. especially sa kamag-anak ah.. Yung isa eh talagang brutally honest lang at gusto lang niyang sabihin kung anong nasa isip niya or kugn anong nararamdaman niya. If that's the case, then mas okay na yun kesa maging plastic. Pero merong ibang tao na talagang super kung maka-chismax... Now dito mo na titingnan kung aling kategorya ba nandun ang itong tita mong ito. :P

Pooch

I think its worst sir pooch, dahil pareho po ata. Honest siya at tsismosa at the same time. Sobrang rude nya at wala siyang pinipili.

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Thank you, Pooch :)

I have been so busy, but finally I found the time to explain/answer your questions.

Your questions:

1) 1. Is your cousin/loverboy full Filipino?

He is full Filipino, and spend his childhood in the Philippines. From age 11, he lived outside the Philippines, until highschool -I think... after highschool, he has lived a couple of years abroad again, but now it is the Philippines.

2)

In November I met my cousin and 4 months after, I broke up with my ex. My ex and I completely agree, that we will stay friends and our top-priority is our son. Seemingly our son knows nothing/can?t tell the difference, because we still live together, and the way we act, didn?t change (we hardly ever kissed, after coming back from the Philippines....

My ex will move out during some months, but we have to have stability regarding finances, before he moves out. I think we are all 3 managing quite well.

I would never have started this with my cousin, if I didn?t believe he is the one. I know he is, and I just want to be with him, like: for the rest of my life. Do you think I should tell him, that I broke up with my ex -or should I wait with this? Does he need to know as soon as possible?  I am really sad, if he thinks he is the rebound guy, because he is not. I only want to be fair to both of them,

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Guest Anne

Thank you, Pooch :)

I have been so busy, but finally I found the time to explain/answer your questions.

Your questions:

1)

Is your cousin/loverboy full Filipino?

He is full Filipino, and spend his childhood in the Philippines. From age 11, he lived outside the Philippines, until highschool -I think... after highschool, he has lived a couple of years abroad again, but now it is the Philippines.

2)

In November I met my cousin and 4 months after, I broke up with my ex. My ex and I completely agree, that we will stay friends and our top-priority is our son. Seemingly our son knows nothing/can?t tell the difference, because we still live together, and the way we act, didn?t change (we hardly ever kissed, after coming back from the Philippines....

My ex will move out during some months, but we have to have stability regarding finances, before he moves out. I think we are all 3 managing quite well.

I would never have started this with my cousin in the first place, if I didn?t believe he is the one. I know he is, and I just want to be with him, like: for the rest of my life.

Do you think I should tell him, that I broke up with my ex -or should I wait with this? Does he need to know as soon as possible?  I am really sad, if he thinks he is the rebound guy, because he is not. I only want to be fair to both of them.

3)

You write: "But you know what? I will tell you something positive: and that is, it's quite good that you get to know (getting to know even deeper) your cousin. I think that's a very very positive sign. Like if he is really going to be 'the one', then by all means! you know what I mean?

"

I am not sure what you mean :) will you please elaborate -so I can be more sure? What confuses me is: Do you think (if we both want it) that we should both go for it -because it seems to you we like eachother? Or what do you mean precisely? :)

4)

You write: "...and see how deep the rabbit hole goes...": Do you mean, see how deep my feelings are? And how deep his own feelings are?

5)

He is single, as far as I know. I am quite sure nobody else is in the picture.

Thanks again for your very elaborate response. I hope you can answer more of my questions. And I hope that I answered yours. Otherwise, please tell me.

//Anne :)

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Guest cboy

Ane i feel i'm in a similiar situation as you have described in your posts( except its the reverse gender) ,and also feel i'm in the same unsure postion of my own relationship with my 3rd cousin who came from the Philippines with a student visa to Australia a few months ago

Like you i developed an almost 'magnetic' attraction towards my cousin even before i knew she was my cousin, but i felt somewhat sad that she had to be related to me. A shy girl from cebu who is 4 years younger, her smile just warms my heart deeply, and our mutual understanding when we just talk is uncanny. We got off so well, it was if we had been talking for years. We regulary  both chat online and physically hangout with each other, and i feel i'm the closest to her since coming here. But being from philippines were such relationships are frowned upon, i 'felt' we were both trying to keep things on a platonic level with odd occastional flirting mixed in.

However, the relationship 'stalled' in a way because after a month of this 'quasi big brother/sister" relationship i tried to take the relationship further by trying to suss out whether she had more intense feelings for me.  So i messaged her on Fb innocently asking what she thought about me, and after that she stopped responding, its been a couple of days since. I feel she is unsure where this relationship and her feelings are taking her to, since she has a modest and conventional, though independant attitude towards things. I'm having second thoughts as to my approach, which instead should have been more forthcoming than trying to suss her out. I have regretted it. But at least she hasn't banned me, i know at least she sees my posts. Hopefully i'll get a chance to reach out to her and talk face to face when she is free from work/studies this week. I know she has a lot on her mind, such as work and studies which takes priority over me and i respect that by trying to give her space.

i want to give her space but also don't want to lose this connection we have developed... i'm in such a dilema, so much that i can't stop thinking about her all the time...

i just wanna know if anyone has had a similiar experience of the other party being unsure due to social/ cultural pressures in the philippines. Or if anyone can suggest ways to deal with an 'unresponsive' situation by the other???

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Hi! I'm newbie.. yes, i have a relationship also with my first cousin for 10yrs and still counting. We are planning to get married next year but dont know how. Another problem is our family. Hnd pa nila alam.

Next year balak na namen aminin sa kanila. Could you guys can give me any suggestions on how to approach or paano namen sabihin sa kanila? Thanks

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Guest untraced

gawa kaya tayo fan page sa FB para madali tayo makapag-usap at madali makapag post...

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and so it was all revealed...napaka closed minded ng relatives namin..and im lucky to have a family na kahit alam na ganun eh nasa tabi ko pa rin sila..hindi sa kinukunsinti nila ako or kami but mas malawak lng pang unawa nila and they are not closing their minds about my situation unlike the family of my cousin..sobra silang mapanghusga..kahit kaharap niya yung anak ko nung araw na un eh inulit pa nyang sinabi na sana daw sinabi ko ng mas maaga para nagawan ng paraan,ang tinutukoy nyang paraan eh abortion, relihiyosa sila pero feeling nmn nila mas mataas salita nila kesa salita ng Diyos...kami na daw ng cousin ko ang pinakamakasalanan at pinakamarumi dahil sa nagkaroon kami ng relasyon..my bf asked already 2 priest about our relationship and wala nmn silang sinabi against dun kasi di nmn daw kasalanan sa Diyos,..nagkataon lng na bawal sa bansa natin..im so depressed dahil i have to make a promise na lalayuan ko na bf ko..if ever mahanap ng ibang pinsan ko at mga kamag anak namin  ang site na ito at mabasa ang post ko,ito lng masasabi ko,sana nga mapanatili nyo ang pagiging perfect nyo..

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