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dhiemhie0127

Cousin Couples from the Philippines let's unite here

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Hi everyone. Sino po pedeng maadd sa fb?  Para makapagchat ng maayos? need lang po tapafa ng makakausap. Poke me 1st and add me. para accept kita. Eto search nyo. (www.facebook.com/imathineager)

oo nga..para mas madali natin mareach ang isat isa if kailangan natin ng makakausap..

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Mahirap sa facebook or magkaroon ng page sa facebook. Usually banned sa trabaho ang social networking sites eh.. lol

Kawawa ang mga members nating ganun...ahem..ahem..tulad ko. lol

Pooch

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Thank you, Pooch :)

I have been so busy, but finally I found the time to explain/answer your questions.

Your questions:

1)

Is your cousin/loverboy full Filipino?

He is full Filipino, and spend his childhood in the Philippines. From age 11, he lived outside the Philippines, until highschool -I think... after highschool, he has lived a couple of years abroad again, but now it is the Philippines.

2)

In November I met my cousin and 4 months after, I broke up with my ex. My ex and I completely agree, that we will stay friends and our top-priority is our son. Seemingly our son knows nothing/can?t tell the difference, because we still live together, and the way we act, didn?t change (we hardly ever kissed, after coming back from the Philippines....

My ex will move out during some months, but we have to have stability regarding finances, before he moves out. I think we are all 3 managing quite well.

I would never have started this with my cousin in the first place, if I didn?t believe he is the one. I know he is, and I just want to be with him, like: for the rest of my life.

Do you think I should tell him, that I broke up with my ex -or should I wait with this? Does he need to know as soon as possible?  I am really sad, if he thinks he is the rebound guy, because he is not. I only want to be fair to both of them.

3)

You write: "But you know what? I will tell you something positive: and that is, it's quite good that you get to know (getting to know even deeper) your cousin. I think that's a very very positive sign. Like if he is really going to be 'the one', then by all means! you know what I mean?

"

I am not sure what you mean :) will you please elaborate -so I can be more sure? What confuses me is: Do you think (if we both want it) that we should both go for it -because it seems to you we like eachother? Or what do you mean precisely? :)

4)

You write: "...and see how deep the rabbit hole goes...": Do you mean, see how deep my feelings are? And how deep his own feelings are?

5)

He is single, as far as I know. I am quite sure nobody else is in the picture.

Thanks again for your very elaborate response. I hope you can answer more of my questions. And I hope that I answered yours. Otherwise, please tell me.

//Anne :)

Hi Anne,

Sorry for the late reply. I have been busy this past month. I hope everything is going on well with you.

So what happened? Any developments, if there's any? Give us updates as well..

Now I know that my answer to you question might have been expired already but I'll respond in a more general way and in a different angle and see if you can make use of this. You asked,

My questions are:

Will he ever get back to me, or is there a risk that he is just shutting me out?

If/now that I feel this strong about him, do you think chances are that he feels the same way?

Have I pushed him further away, by writing to him, even though he said that he would get back to me?

Is there still a chance for him and I?

What could his feelings be for me?

What is the best advice you could give me?

THANKS in advance.

And you answered,

He is full Filipino, and spend his childhood in the Philippines. From age 11, he lived outside the Philippines, until highschool -I think... after highschool, he has lived a couple of years abroad again, but now it is the Philippines.

From this answer, it seems like your cousin/loverboy (I'm going to call him Mr. L from now on) has been 50% of his life in the Philippines and 50% outside the Philippines (perhaps Denmark?). Anyhow, regardless, the point is that I just want to know how much of a Filipino is he... Sorry for the racial angle but I just want to weigh the culture and how he would react... especially as a man who is in the mid-20s.

With regards to this question,

Do you think I should tell him, that I broke up with my ex -or should I wait with this? Does he need to know as soon as possible?  I am really sad, if he thinks he is the rebound guy, because he is not. I only want to be fair to both of them

I do not think he needs this info though. Your goal should be clear...to know more about Mr. L. And the only way to do this is either through frequent communication through LDR or you would live at least closer to each other.. You cannot say these things, "heavy" things, to him and expect that something will turn out in your favor.

If I were in Mr. L's shoes, I will more likely to treat them "as facts" rather than understand your real feeling that you are free... Know what I mean? But if Mr. L himself would ask, then that's the time you unload all of these major stuff... At least you know that he is interested. :)

Now you say,

3)

You write: "But you know what? I will tell you something positive: and that is, it's quite good that you get to know (getting to know even deeper) your cousin. I think that's a very very positive sign. Like if he is really going to be 'the one', then by all means! you know what I mean?

"

I am not sure what you mean :) will you please elaborate -so I can be more sure? What confuses me is: Do you think (if we both want it) that we should both go for it -because it seems to you we like eachother? Or what do you mean precisely? :)

What I mean is that it's quite good that things are going smoothly between Mr. L and you. Take it slow... It seems like he is busy with a lot of things and so here's my suggestion: Schedule things so that both of you can go out and be together...like a date. There, I said it.. :P And as soon as he hesitates, playfully ridicule him and don't get a no for an answer.. :P My point is that you would get to spend more time with him.

Hence, I would say GO FOR IT. :) You have a lot to talk about --- especially you have a kid with your ex. Right?

4)

You write: "...and see how deep the rabbit hole goes...": Do you mean, see how deep my feelings are? And how deep his own feelings are?

Ah! No, I mean, how deep the rabbit hole of cousin relationships and all it entails -- the good, the bad, the happiness, the sadness, the hurts, the joys, the beauty and the ugly sides of it! lol

Just to give you heads up: Cousin relationships especially for Filipinos is twice as more complicated, you know?

5)

He is single, as far as I know. I am quite sure nobody else is in the picture.

Good to know. :)

Pooch

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and so it was all revealed...napaka closed minded ng relatives namin..and im lucky to have a family na kahit alam na ganun eh nasa tabi ko pa rin sila..hindi sa kinukunsinti nila ako or kami but mas malawak lng pang unawa nila and they are not closing their minds about my situation unlike the family of my cousin..sobra silang mapanghusga..kahit kaharap niya yung anak ko nung araw na un eh inulit pa nyang sinabi na sana daw sinabi ko ng mas maaga para nagawan ng paraan,ang tinutukoy nyang paraan eh abortion, relihiyosa sila pero feeling nmn nila mas mataas salita nila kesa salita ng Diyos...kami na daw ng cousin ko ang pinakamakasalanan at pinakamarumi dahil sa nagkaroon kami ng relasyon..my bf asked already 2 priest about our relationship and wala nmn silang sinabi against dun kasi di nmn daw kasalanan sa Diyos,..nagkataon lng na bawal sa bansa natin..im so depressed dahil i have to make a promise na lalayuan ko na bf ko..if ever mahanap ng ibang pinsan ko at mga kamag anak namin  ang site na ito at mabasa ang post ko,ito lng masasabi ko,sana nga mapanatili nyo ang pagiging perfect nyo..

Anong sabi ng bf mo in return? Wala ba siya nung revelation day mo? Anong naging reaksyon niya? Sana ipinaglaban ka naman niya kahit papano.. :(

Pooch

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sir pooch..

di pa kami nagkikita hanggang ngaun..sa family ko mas malawak pang unawa nila..yung family nya ang sobra..wala sya nung araw na pinuntahan ko nanay nya para kausapin..ah no hindi pala kausapin kc ung nanay nya  lng ang nagsasalita or i mean nang iinsulto...yung kahit kaharap nya anak ko i oopen pa rin nya ung tungkol sa abortion na sana daw sinabi ko agad noon..ewan para sa kanila di kasalanan ang abortion..

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sir pooch..

di pa kami nagkikita hanggang ngaun..sa family ko mas malawak pang unawa nila..yung family nya ang sobra..wala sya nung araw na pinuntahan ko nanay nya para kausapin..ah no hindi pala kausapin kc ung nanay nya  lng ang nagsasalita or i mean nang iinsulto...yung kahit kaharap nya anak ko i oopen pa rin nya ung tungkol sa abortion na sana daw sinabi ko agad noon..ewan para sa kanila di kasalanan ang abortion..

Hays. Dapat kasi dalawa kayo ni bf mo especially sa ganitong kritikal na usapan eh. :( Bakit ikaw lang ang sumabak sa giyera? Alam mo namang hindi madali ito eh.

Pero ano pa bang magagawa natin, nangyari na ang nangyari.. Wala ka bang planong kausapin si bf mo o puntahan? Ibig kong sabihin eh, hindi naman pwedeng hanggang ganito na lang, tama? Tumatakbo ang oras....

Pooch

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Hays. Dapat kasi dalawa kayo ni bf mo especially sa ganitong kritikal na usapan eh. :( Bakit ikaw lang ang sumabak sa giyera? Alam mo namang hindi madali ito eh.

Pero ano pa bang magagawa natin, nangyari na ang nangyari.. Wala ka bang planong kausapin si bf mo o puntahan? Ibig kong sabihin eh, hindi naman pwedeng hanggang ganito na lang, tama? Tumatakbo ang oras....

Pooch

wala akong choice nung araw na un..kc aalis na mother nya babalik ng ibang bansa..lakas n lng ng loob para matapos na yung pang iinsulto nya..

ayaw nya magpakita..pinapagod sarili nya sa pagtatrabaho para daw mailayo nya kami eh sabi ko nga sa kanya para ano pa ang paghihirap nya eh sya ang kailangan ko nung mga panahon na na kailangan kong harapin silang lahat..ewan sumuko na din ako..ganun tlga..hindi lahat may happy ending..

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Hi tanung ko lang! Yong baby nyo ba ay ok i mean normal? Me and my bf gusto na din magka baby kaso natakot lng ako kc baka hnd magiging healthy ang baby.

Thank you.

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kumusta na cc.com philippines?

Any updates?

So far wala pa namang updates....Pero may mga bago tayong ka-cc ditto. hehe..which is quite good. Maraming mga Pinoy.

Pero ang dapat na magbigay ng update eh ikaw! Dapat ipost mo na rito picture ng family mo..hehe. :P

Pooch

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Guest belle10

wow its good to know that this forum is still on going... yes how i wish philipplines will soon accept 1st cousin marriage, because i know for sure that this is the only thing that my family would accept us legally... they might oppose but we are old enough to make our own decisions. i really cant wait... :) hello to all..

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heyyy guysss !!! :) Im CathyS !! i greww upp in philippines but im here sa Canada na !!! Its so nice na madami din pala na pinoy dito :) kala ko dati ako lang ang may ganitong situation !!

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Hi Anne,

Sorry for the late reply. I have been busy this past month. I hope everything is going on well with you.

So what happened? Any developments, if there's any? Give us updates as well..

Now I know that my answer to you question might have been expired already but I'll respond in a more general way and in a different angle and see if you can make use of this. You asked,And you answered,From this answer, it seems like your cousin/loverboy (I'm going to call him Mr. L from now on) has been 50% of his life in the Philippines and 50% outside the Philippines (perhaps Denmark?). Anyhow, regardless, the point is that I just want to know how much of a Filipino is he... Sorry for the racial angle but I just want to weigh the culture and how he would react... especially as a man who is in the mid-20s.

With regards to this question,

I do not think he needs this info though. Your goal should be clear...to know more about Mr. L. And the only way to do this is either through frequent communication through LDR or you would live at least closer to each other.. You cannot say these things, "heavy" things, to him and expect that something will turn out in your favor.

If I were in Mr. L's shoes, I will more likely to treat them "as facts" rather than understand your real feeling that you are free... Know what I mean? But if Mr. L himself would ask, then that's the time you unload all of these major stuff... At least you know that he is interested. :)

Now you say,What I mean is that it's quite good that things are going smoothly between Mr. L and you. Take it slow... It seems like he is busy with a lot of things and so here's my suggestion: Schedule things so that both of you can go out and be together...like a date. There, I said it.. :P And as soon as he hesitates, playfully ridicule him and don't get a no for an answer.. :P My point is that you would get to spend more time with him.

Hence, I would say GO FOR IT. :) You have a lot to talk about --- especially you have a kid with your ex. Right?

Ah! No, I mean, how deep the rabbit hole of cousin relationships and all it entails -- the good, the bad, the happiness, the sadness, the hurts, the joys, the beauty and the ugly sides of it! lol

Just to give you heads up: Cousin relationships especially for Filipinos is twice as more complicated, you know?

Good to know. :)

Pooch

Pooch :D

I can?t believe I haven?t seen your reply until now. Things have developed, but you are oh so right: I need to take it slow, for the sake of everything. And I will always have my son in consideration. Also, I see now how "heavy" this is for filipinos. I feel so stupid, ignoring this fact.

I would like to update you on how things are going, but I realized that I don?t want this to be public, since L doesn?t know about me writing this. When everything is good, and fine with him, I can update you.

As of now I am relieved in regards to him and can?t wait to seeing him again - when we can... Thank you again, ever so much, for bringing light to this issue :) I have become a whole lot wiser on how two cultures can really be very different. He considers himself filipino, and understands the culture very well - and understands how things can be different from your culture, too. He is definitely a "realist".

Can you, by any chance, give me an idea of how "common" cousin-relationships are in the Phil.? Only because, he claims it isn't very common ( and I don't think it is,either) but still... just so I have "ammo" for him, when we talk about this (lol) :)

A date with him sounds so.... intriguing :D

I don?t know your story though, but I wish you all the best, indeed.

Anne

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Guest jinx

Hi i am also from the philippines..in a relationship for 8years with my cousin..i need advice kasi confused ako kung dapat pa ba namin ituloy ung relationship namin..although mhal ko pa rin xa..

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Guest jinx

Dhiemhie,

Would you consider working pa ung relationship nio kung gusto ng partner mu, wala muna kau commitment sa isat isa?

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Hi Anne!

Pooch :D

I can?t believe I haven?t seen your reply until now. Things have developed, but you are oh so right: I need to take it slow, for the sake of everything. And I will always have my son in consideration. Also, I see now how "heavy" this is for filipinos. I feel so stupid, ignoring this fact.

Even if you don't say it, I understand what you are going through... *cheers*

I would like to update you on how things are going, but I realized that I don?t want this to be public, since L doesn?t know about me writing this. When everything is good, and fine with him, I can update you.

Sure! By all means.

It's good sometimes to say it to somebody who understands, you know? These stuff won't be understood by common, typical Juan dela Cruz...

My only concern is that you should have at least one person who you can tell because you trust him/her...that he/she won't rat you out...until you (and Mr. L) is ready. Otherwise, all things will be messed up.

Here in CC, we have our anonymity (not unless you will disclose yourself, right?) but anyhow, feel free to open up here. Nobody knows you here... ;)

As of now I am relieved in regards to him and can?t wait to seeing him again - when we can... Thank you again, ever so much, for bringing light to this issue :) I have become a whole lot wiser on how two cultures can really be very different. He considers himself filipino, and understands the culture very well - and understands how things can be different from your culture, too. He is definitely a "realist".

Can you, by any chance, give me an idea of how "common" cousin-relationships are in the Phil.? Only because, he claims it isn't very common ( and I don't think it is,either) but still... just so I have "ammo" for him, when we talk about this (lol) :)

Although it happens commonly (like any other culture), cousin relationship is definitely a taboo. Definitely unacceptable in the society in general. For instance, two people living together in the Philippines outside of marriage is common but it is still considered a taboo by the society. Maria Clara is the standard. Now I am not equating fornication with cousin relationships, okay? What I am just saying is that even though it happens quite often, the legit, acceptable, and looked-up-upon cousin relationships is like finding a needle in a haystack.

So you are right when you say that your cousin said, "it isn't very common". Actually being generous already. I would even describe it as "very rare"!

Your ammo, if you are going to ask me, would be to go along the lines of "leaving Philippines" and settling somewhere (like Denmark). Europe is more open with this stuff, you know?

But even with that, I understand that it's not that easy...

A date with him sounds so.... intriguing :D

OH YES!

Look, I have been with my cousin-gf for 12 years. And when we go for a "date" (quotes intentionally put) it is still intruiguing. hahaha!

I don?t know your story though, but I wish you all the best, indeed.

Anne

I haven't written my story yet... Got no time. lolz. But for sure many forumers here can relate. haha :D

Pooch

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Guest cutemyn19

Hello poh.im from manila..naging kmi din poh ngaun ng cousin ko..alam na poh ng pamily ko at sa kanya na mag boyfriend kmi but the problem poh is my auntie syd ng pamily ko hndi kmi tanggap..hingi po sana ako ng advice.!! Thank you.

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Guest mr.retainer

hello po sainyu.. tga cdeo po ako. and i also hav a relationship with my 1st cousin.. almost 4 years na po kami ng cousin/gf ko. but lately lng nalaman ng mga relativs namin.. im a bsmare graduate while sya bsba graduate. may trabaho na sya at ako nag aantay nalang kung kailan makakasampa ng barko.. 

sa parents ng gf ko ay natanggap nila that i hav a relationship with their daughter. but in my part, ds s the reason y me and my mother parating nag aaway.. kasi talagang hindi nya matanggap na karelasyon ko ang pinsan ko.. i had my own researched about dis issue and i found out that god never prohibited cousin marriage but infact incouraging it.. hindi po talaga ako masyadong nag babasa basa ng Bible pero binabasa ko lang ang mga parte na importante lalo na sa issue nato..

 

WALA AKONG PAKE SAIBANG TAO.. ANG SAKIN LANG ANG AKING INA. ano po bang pwde KUng gawin para matanggap kami ng aking ina ..

sa ngayon nandito ako sa cdeo while sya sa cebu..

hoping for ur response guys..

nagpapasalamat ako may ganitong site.. napadpad lng din ako dito galing sa google..

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Guest cham29

Hi bago lng aq dto,tanung ko lng kng pwd nb magpksal ngaun ang 1st cousin

Matagl na kme ng pinsan q,at tanhap na kme ng pamlya namen, nung una hnd pero bndang huli ntanggap dn nla 1st cousin q xa, kulang nlng smen kxal kya pls patlng naman kung anung paraan ang pwdng gwn

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