I am looking to get some feedback about a current situation I am in with a first cousin.
My cousin and I have been really close friends for the past couple years. We hang out a lot and always shared what I would describe as a platonic brother/sister bond (at least I thought). A few weeks ago my cousin came by to visit me and that's when he opened up about how he felt about me. I can't recall exactly what he said, but he said something along the lines of fantasizing about me, and that he wanted us to indulge. I was caught off guard because like I said, our relationship has always been platonic. I tried to shut down the conversation as nice as nicely as I could. I mean, I appreciate that he was brave enough to tell me this, but I also explained to him that he shouldn't be feeling this way. He tried to convince me but I still said no. We then decided to go out to grab some food and on the way back we stayed in car awhile talking about why this wouldn't work. Before left for home, he kissed me. I didn't stop him, I kissed back. In that moment all these feelings I didn't have for my cousin came rushing in. After a very long make out session he left. After he left, we spoke and I told him that I did 6th ink it was a good idea for us to hang out alone anymore so that things wouldn't become complicated.
A few days later he came by to see me again. This time felt different. It wasn't like our usually hang out sessions where we'd chill and talk, and at times even do our own thing. This time there was an energy, at least on my end. I don't know how to describe the feeling, but it was that of desire. A part of me wanted to indulge, while another was telling me not to. As we layed on my bed, as we normally do, I found myself cuddling with him, something that is outside of our norm. That then led to everything except homerun. Omg, I couldn't believe, that my cousin and I actually did that... My mind grew confused.
But it didn't stop there, a few days later, we were hanging out and this time we went by his place. Again we cuddled, and again that led to this time including homerun. By this time, I think the little hamster in my brain stopped spinning. I was numb...i couldn't believe that we actually did it. Right after he said that he didn't think it was a good idea for us to hang out alone anymore. I felt kind of hurt, because we already gone all the way, why are you saying this now. This was what I had said to him the first night, and had he listened we would have never ended up in this web.
About we week later we went on a trip together;one that we had planned for some while. The trip was just supposed to be him and I, but I invited a third person a few weeks prior as a way of trying to prevent something like this. Nevertheless, we found a line time on the trip and ended up having sex again.
I don't know what to make of all this. A part of me wants to indulge while another part tells me no. Its not that I think cousin-cousin relations are wrong, I just don't want to risk complicating things with someone I really care about (platonicly, if I can still say that).
What an incredibly supportive and amazing group!
Please forgive my intrusion. My name is Beth and I'm a features writer with That's Life - a national magazine that tells real-life stories in Australia and New Zealand.
We share unique love stories in the first person and in a completely non-judgemental way. All of our interviewees receive full copy approval.
I'm posting as I'd love to find an Aussie or Kiwi couple who'd be willing to speak to me. I think that it's really important that we tackle the stigma associated with dating/marrying your cousin. It is, after all, completely legal!
The only way we can do that, though, is by people coming forward to share their stories, openly and candidly.
If you are interested, please drop me an email at *************@***********.com.au.
Thanks very much,
I have no idea how to do this so here goes
Ok let me start by saying me and my cousin actually grew up together ,I took care of her and I was her only friend when she was little ( we are a few years apart in age, but nothing to major ) ,we both were young and we never saw each other as anything els than family (except that we loved each other ,I would say more than we loved the other family members) (no we didnt do anything weird when we were kids and didnt have weird ideas, so dont get weird ideas)
I was there since she was born and like I said we grew up together, but when I turned 12 I started avoiding her (I did it bec I was young and starting to get well yea horny) so I had trouble controlling myself and bec of that I started avoiding her and also as I got older I avoided her more and more bec I had trouble controlling myself around her so I did not want to do something stupid bec I was just a young kid and yea young kids do stupid stuff (especially between the ages of 12 - 19) So I reckoned the best would be for me to completely stay away
We are both married today (not the best relationships bec both our partners are horrible to us even thou we love them) also her husband and my wife dont know each other at all
We had a talk not to long ago , she was feeling sad bec her husband is mean to her and the same on my end , so we both were pretty sad
So we talked and talked and I said some things to make her feel better and she said some stuff to make me feel better and we were pretty serious with what we said and we made each other feel a little better (again we simply gave each other complements and stuff so again nothing weird)
So as we talked more and more as the days went on she started asking questions so I was like screw it lets be honest
So I told her how I think she is beautiful and that I meant it and that I would give anything for a girl like her and she said the same thing to me
So as we spoke more and more we became more and more open (we are also both brutally honest people so when we say something we mean it) I had a dream (a very hot and erotic dream about the 2 of us) yea I told her she actually wanted to know more and more and in more detail so yea I told her in more detail, In the end I was like you yopu probably are mad now and she surprised me by saying well I will take your dream as a massive complement (just because its coming from you)
Ok we started flirting little by little , kinda joking but also serious, so then she asked me why I suddenly left her when we were young , i said be I went to high school (although I was home every weekend) and she said well she still doesn't understand why I left , so I was like ..... ok I will tell you but please dont hate me , lookk I love you and I didnt want to hurt you or do some stupid holy crapoly! , because I got very very pervy and horny when I turned 12 so bec I love you so much I had to leave bec I didnt wana do something dumb to you and mess up your mind or cause some emotional dammage,
She said: Well it would have been allot better than what happened to me when you werent there (she had a bad time bec she got lonely and depressed ect ect ect and also she got into a bad relationship and was a abused by some kissy-faceing piece of holy crapoly! guy who should burn in hell with his eyes eaten out by scorpions each day !!!) Sorry I get pissed when I think about what happened to her >:(
So I am feeling a bit angry at myself for not sticking around , anyway getting back to the story
I replied to what she said hey listen I was a bloody perv and I could not controle myself around you ?!?!!!!! do you understand what im saying ????
She: yes I understand perfectly and it still would have been better than what happened
Me: I love you ,can you imagine what would have happened ? you would have had me doing stuff to you ..... do you understand ??!! I was a perv
She: I dont care it still would be allot better than what happened ! , you love me right , you always took care of me when we were little right ? you never hurt me ever and you were always there when I needed you
She: well having you do things to me would have been allot better then having that piece of holy crapoly! abuse me
Me: im sorry I never nhew about it , if you simply said something I would have killed him just for touching you (the guy isnt in her life anymore)
Me: im still sorry but you would have hated me if I stayed
She : not really
Me: I was a perv .... I still am a little
She: well i wish you did stay bec I would have prefered you any day over him
She: also you know that dream you told me about 2 days ago, well I told you I liked it so what does that tell you about me ? if your a perv what does that make me for liking it ?
Me: well ........ ok haha
We continued flirting and our flirting has been getting a little hotter and we have been getting a little more and more honest with each other
We have also gotten more honest and we love each other (allot more than we should) , we have felt this for many years but we simply just started talking about this a few weeks ago, so yea .... bec all is out in the open now we are at that point if you put us in a room it wont be long till we go at it like rabbits
But we both are married (both in bad relationships)
We have seen each other naked and we like what we see, yea we exchanged pics
We are both very good looking (infact we are you would say hot) (im not saying that to brag , its a fact , no im not guna share our pics) (think young Roxette and a well built Brad Pitt)
Problem is we love each other more than we should and pretty soon we will see each other (like I said we are guna be at it like rabbits) no we arent planning to be but its guna happen lets be honest
Again we are both married but we also want each other we are closely related , we are both adults ,I love her with all my heart, what should I do ?!?!?!?
Im unsure what to do, I want opinions and advice (please be honest and dont judge me to harshly) should I go thru with it ? should I run away and climb under a rock ? what should I do ?!!??!?!?! she want me to come visit Im afraid of what I might do when I am around her
By Unhappily lost
I've been in love with my cousin for almost 20 years, she used to act like she liked me too. But she really doesn't any more and I never see her. I'm too afraid to tell her, but I would if she ever asked. I know I'll never have her, and it really hurts. I don't, I can't shake the feelings. Everyday is misery.