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Shocked by friends reaction

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My husband and I are 2nd cousins, married for 15 years with 2 children. We generally don't tell people about our family background. I recently had a conversation with a couple of friends and cousin marriage came up. One friend was almost vitriolic in her thoughts about how distasteful marriage between cousins/2nd cousins etc was, incestous etc. I did not mention our relationship. However her reaction has made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. For the most part my husband and I have never really thought about our relationship, apart from getting genetic counselling before children as we didn't know each other before meeting as adults so had no background or history with each other.

But her reaction freaked me out, as sometime my children will know in detail. They currently know in vague terms, and they will more than likely tell their friends. It has made me feel like I have a nasty secret hanging over my head and it is really affecting how I feel about being 2nd cousins. The thought of people being outwardly like that to me is horrible.

Has anyone else had similar reactions from people and how have you coped?

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I married a first cousin, so people's reactions were worse than what you experienced. I can understand how the experience has caused you to rethink your relationship of 15 years. I can assure you that it will go away. Most people in history married a 1st or 2nd cousin, so you are not exactly alone in your decision to marry a cousin! 

It seems to me that 2nd cousins are so distant that one can't even ridicule you :) Lighten up. Sometimes, you just have to allow others revel in their abject ignorance. You can't take it to heart.

One relative , before we married, stated that I should be "found in a ditch somewhere." I've heard the same jokes and the seen the same reaction from Neanderthals. My cuz and I went through hell. We were young and the drama was at a fever pitch. All of this just made us stronger. I'm sure that will be the case with you guys as well. 

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i also wouldn't let what she said bother you too much. she really is displaying ignorance. people fear what social media hasn't yet approved of. there is nothing wrong with your marriage.

how old are your children anyway? if they are still very young, don't waste any time. if they grow up with the knowledge that you and their dad are second cousins, it won't be a big deal to them down the road. depending on their age i can recommend some children's books or classic literature (made into movies) that will help break the ice.

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In my opinion, if I was you I would tell my friend the truth about my family background. I wouldn't keep it because I already know how I feel about the situation that she don't know of... If that's your truly friend. Then that friend got to accept your family background. If that friend doesn't and that's not a true friend. The friend need to gather the facts and understand the truth about cousin marriages before making assumptions like everyone else. And besides that I am very looking forward to getting to your point. Married to my second cousin and having two kids is my dream. My second cousin is my twin flame. We are exactly alike. But I'm a male and she's a female of course. So I am definitely looking forward to that. Back on your friend though, that person needs to accept you on who you are. That's what friends are for. They cover your back not shank it... So keep it going and be happy on who you with. And to make you feel better. I told my whole family and they had a bad reaction to it. I told him that genetics that are scientists prove that it is okay to be with your cousin regardless of what degree. And I'm a Christian and I also told them that the Bible do not condemn it. It's okay to get your cousin.. it's not a sin. And knowing those facts I'm okay with it. As long as I know the truth of it.

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Thank you for your thoughts and support. I feel sad this is about ignorance but I know you are right on that, I just wish this wasn't the situation!

 

My children are both under 10 - we have put mentioned it to the kids in light terms, and we have the Peter Rabbit story along with My cousin Rachel (well I have that one) but any other thoughts on books welcomed.

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reminds me of My ENC-1101 class and the looks and question I got when I presented my final essay which was on ...

Jessie Woodard Jr

ENC 1101

Ms. E. Holman

September 13, 2003

 

 

Research paper topic:  Kissing Cousins, The myth, and the facts behind cousin marriage

 

Thesis statement:  Society has for a long time had the facts about first cousin marriage wrong. I shall attempt to set the record straight as to the medical and moral facts of first cousin marriage. As well as introduce you to many famous married cousins.

 

 

Got an A+ on it and a lot of great questions 

 

Some friends make look at it as awww if they truly are friends they will love you anyway 

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