Ok so I'm new and I really need an advice because I'm so confused.
So my cousin lives in another country (where my parents are originally from) so we really didn't have that much of a contact besides summer, bc we go to visit our family.
I'm born and raised in an european country, where I currently live.
A few years ago, when we were preteens, it was the last time we met (before this year) and we didn't even talk, he now says it was because he was shy. Obviously we know each other since we were little kids and we would always play together and have fun, but as we grew up, we started falling apart and didn't talk at all when we visited them. I had this little feeling for him but I always wanted to hide it, because I grew up in Europe, where marriage or romantic relationships between cousins is seen as incest even though it's legal, but still, it's a huge social taboo.
So fast forward to this year. I'm 19 and he is two years older than me. We are young adults. Keep in mind that all this years I was trying to make my own life and we didn't have any contact at all.
So we go on vacation there and we meet. Throughout the whole journey we didn't talk that much. I was really nervous but I also didn't want to create any sort of relationship between us so I kept it polite but I still was kind of playful, if that makes sense. Oh let me tell you that in this country, marriage between cousins is very common, and normalized, so in that aspect we don't have any problem.
Ok, so the thing is, then he got my social media and when I went back to my country, we started talking. He wanted to know whether I was in a relationship or not and we started knowing each other really well for the first time. After a few weeks he asked me if I liked him or if I could like him one day, because I previously told him I didn't want any relationship with someone from the family. I told him yes and we continued to talk (everyday for HOURS till we go to sleep) and just know each other.
As a person I really really really like him. He is such a nice, sweet, funny and open-minded person. I was NOT expecting it. We talk every day and we talk about everything. Physically I am very attracted to him, since forever actually. And he also likes me. He even told me that he sees us together forever.
Now here's the problem. I'm so afraid about what people will say.
But when I start to analyze things, it's not even that deep. My family will probably 100% approve it, as I told you it's very normal for us in our culture. My friends, they were a little surprised at the beginning when I explained it to them, but quickly went to tell me that I should do what I felt and they are really supportive and encourage me. Legally, it's totally fine and legal in the country I live and basically throughout the whole continent. So the only problem I have is my fear and my thoughts about what others will say.
The thing is both of our fathers are brothers, so we have the same surname. In the country I am from, married women don't take their husband's last name, so if people see we have the same surname they will definitely notice we are related. Also, kids take both surnames, from the father and the mother, so technically they will have the same surname TWICE.
I mean, I know it's the most stupid reason I could come up with, but I really care about what other think about me or us in this case, and this is really destroying our, let's say, happiness, because I'm constantly thinking about this and can't seem to get over it.
I really like him, I actually think I feel way more for him than just like him and whenever he messages me I become the happiest person on Earth. But I'm constantly seeing comments of people saying it's incest, it's wrong, it's disgusting, bla bla bla and it makes me really confused and uncomfortable.
Once I arrived to the point of saying, you know what, I can't continue with this "relationship", I'll just block him everywhere but something kept me off from doing it.
I really thought of just hiding it and not tell anyone about it, I mean the fact that we are cousins, but they will eventually find out one way or another, and that terrifies me.
What should I do? He will get tired of this at the end, because he tells me repeatedly that we shouldn't care about what others think but it's not easy to do it when you live in a society where for loving someone you're considered weird and mentally ill.
If you arrived till here, thank you and I hope to hear from you. Kisses 😘
By Jordan Colbert
Our story started roughly 2 years ago when my cousin confessed she had feelings for me. At the time she said this is wrong and we should not be doing this. But we continued developing our relationship anyway. We planned of our lives together after marriage, babies, places to visit, things to do and so on. We lived a happy life. Now after two years of constant back and forth of; this is wrong we should not be doing it and it’s ok let’s go ahead with it, she wants to end the relationship but isn’t doing it, just putting a halt to the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect and just wants to be friends. She says, “I should have been the adult in the room. I don’t want to continue doing wrong.” She feels that when we inform our family about our intentions we will end up creating a huge and permanent split in our family. We will be the reason for our family to break apart. People will hate us. Previously at the beginning of our relationship she had said that she doesn’t care about what other people think of her. When I brought this up she said well I do care now. I tried convincing her that I’ll deal with all the heat from the family, you can even say he is the one pushing for it I’m not that interested. I’ll be able to make the family come to terms with us. But she still says even if you convince the family I know it’s wrong and my mind will not be at ease. She says even if we get married I won’t be able to live a happy life because I’ll be disturbed about the fact that we are cousins and we shouldn’t be married. Also whenever she sees other cousins they remind her that we are doing wrong. She feels bad when she sees them. Sometimes she says that I look like her brother and that makes it difficult for her. The thing I don’t understand is that these are issues that were there during the first year of our relationship, why are they becoming unbearable now. She was able to put these thoughts aside then. Why can’t she now? I asked her do you want to end our relationship? Her reply was, “Yes, sometimes I want to end it. But sometimes I don’t. I don’t know.” I said why don’t you end it then. She said, “You’ve done nothing but loved me. And that’s why it’s difficult for me to end it. I’m thinking about our relationship in a realistic way and you think in a hopeful way. There is no way our family will allow us to be together.”
I feel that if I can convince her that we are not doing anything wrong. We love each other and there’s nothing wrong about it, she might change her mind. The thing is I’ve tried everything I could to do that. But she doesn’t accept it. I’ve given her examples of cousin marriages happening for so many decades. Her response is that if people have been doing wrong that doesn’t mean we continue doing wrong.
You may think she does not love me anymore and is trying to find excuses to end our relationship. That’s not how it is. She is a tough independent woman. She does not let other people’s opinions play any role in her decision making. She thinks for herself and sticks to her decisions however painful they may be. I know her very well. She still loves me. Just not enough to marry me.
My first cousin and I were close as kids. Then our respective parents went their separate ways, and thus so did we. Fast forward 40 years or so. Saw her by chance at an event. Cheesy as it sounds, it was like lightning. Said our good byes, but kept up on social media. 3 years later, after much texting, I told her I loved her. She said she always did since we were kids. We have been exploring our relationship. It's a long distance one, unfortunately. I told her I want to marry her someday. She said her family, which incidentally is kind of mine too, would freak out and disown her if she did that. I wonder if it is possible for her family to ever get past it. Of course our true relationship is a secret.
I'm attracted to my first cousin (female) as long as I can remember and I currently developed really strong sexual feelings for her. I'm 18 years- old and a very shy and innocent guy, she is 20 very funny and a little bit crazy but I like that. Our families are very close and we kinda grew up together because we saw each other like every two months as kids. I think there has always been a sexual tension between us because she has been tempting me and flirting with me all the time when we were younger.
Last year we went on vacation together with our grandparents, my sister and my parents. Me, my sister and my cousin slept together in the same room and my sister shared a bed with my cousin. But at one night I managed to sleep with them in their bed because we watched a movie on my tablet together. When my cousin suddenly felt asleep I started pressing my lap against her A$$ and massaged her long legs, it was such a nice feeling. Afterwards I turned around to sleep but I realised that she was touching my butt with her face and I still don't know If she was doing that on purpose. I turned around and started to hug her from behind but she left the room afterwards, at first I thought she was just going to the toilet but she went to my grandmother's room and rested there. I was really affraid that she would tell our grandma what I did. I really hope I didn't scare her or disgusted her by my actions. On the next morning we went to the beach and I had a conversation with my cousin, I said that I move a lot when I sleep and apologized for taking up her space on the bed the night before, she just nodded in approval. Later that day she was "accidentally" grabbing my butt in the ocean but my sister was around so I just ignored it. Two days later I found out that she had a boyfriend and not only that, he went on vacation with his family in the exact same city as we did what a crappy coincidence... they met up really often.
I didn't talk to my cousin that much since then but on the last night before our family was leaving (my cousin was about to stay with my grandparents) I went all in. I slept with her in the same bed again and pretended to be asleep but she was awake. I pressed my lab against her butt again there was no sign that she didn't like it she was just texting with her boyfriend so she didn't really care I was even able to caress her A$$ but she didn't respond to it. Maybe it was cause of her boyfriend or because my sister was around or the fact that she was on her period on that day. I was tired so I fell asleep, on the next day we drove back home.
One year later a couple of weeks ago to be exact we visited my grandparents, my cousin was there too. She told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. Later I catched her leaving the shower only wearing a towel, she smiled at me and accidentally dropped her comb, she bend forward to pick it up, I was able to see her hot butt again. On that evening we were alone watching TV in the living room, she felt asleep on the couch and was wearing a hot tight leggings. I said "pretty late tho" to make sure she was really asleep, she didn't responded, good sign. Then I went to the toilet when I returned I catched her looking at me with one eye open. I was too anxious to touch her so I just went to bed.
I recently texted her to start a conversation but she didn't bother to reply.
Yeah that's why I decided to post this thread, please help me I can't stop thinking about her.
What do I do now? Is she interested in me? Is she really sexually attracted to me or am I just reading her signals wrong? Should I tell her about my feelings?