My first cousin and I were close as kids. Then our respective parents went their separate ways, and thus so did we. Fast forward 40 years or so. Saw her by chance at an event. Cheesy as it sounds, it was like lightning. Said our good byes, but kept up on social media. 3 years later, after much texting, I told her I loved her. She said she always did since we were kids. We have been exploring our relationship. It's a long distance one, unfortunately. I told her I want to marry her someday. She said her family, which incidentally is kind of mine too, would freak out and disown her if she did that. I wonder if it is possible for her family to ever get past it. Of course our true relationship is a secret.
I'm attracted to my first cousin (female) as long as I can remember and I currently developed really strong sexual feelings for her. I'm 18 years- old and a very shy and innocent guy, she is 20 very funny and a little bit crazy but I like that. Our families are very close and we kinda grew up together because we saw each other like every two months as kids. I think there has always been a sexual tension between us because she has been tempting me and flirting with me all the time when we were younger.
Last year we went on vacation together with our grandparents, my sister and my parents. Me, my sister and my cousin slept together in the same room and my sister shared a bed with my cousin. But at one night I managed to sleep with them in their bed because we watched a movie on my tablet together. When my cousin suddenly felt asleep I started pressing my lap against her A$$ and massaged her long legs, it was such a nice feeling. Afterwards I turned around to sleep but I realised that she was touching my butt with her face and I still don't know If she was doing that on purpose. I turned around and started to hug her from behind but she left the room afterwards, at first I thought she was just going to the toilet but she went to my grandmother's room and rested there. I was really affraid that she would tell our grandma what I did. I really hope I didn't scare her or disgusted her by my actions. On the next morning we went to the beach and I had a conversation with my cousin, I said that I move a lot when I sleep and apologized for taking up her space on the bed the night before, she just nodded in approval. Later that day she was "accidentally" grabbing my butt in the ocean but my sister was around so I just ignored it. Two days later I found out that she had a boyfriend and not only that, he went on vacation with his family in the exact same city as we did what a crappy coincidence... they met up really often.
I didn't talk to my cousin that much since then but on the last night before our family was leaving (my cousin was about to stay with my grandparents) I went all in. I slept with her in the same bed again and pretended to be asleep but she was awake. I pressed my lab against her butt again there was no sign that she didn't like it she was just texting with her boyfriend so she didn't really care I was even able to caress her A$$ but she didn't respond to it. Maybe it was cause of her boyfriend or because my sister was around or the fact that she was on her period on that day. I was tired so I fell asleep, on the next day we drove back home.
One year later a couple of weeks ago to be exact we visited my grandparents, my cousin was there too. She told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. Later I catched her leaving the shower only wearing a towel, she smiled at me and accidentally dropped her comb, she bend forward to pick it up, I was able to see her hot butt again. On that evening we were alone watching TV in the living room, she felt asleep on the couch and was wearing a hot tight leggings. I said "pretty late tho" to make sure she was really asleep, she didn't responded, good sign. Then I went to the toilet when I returned I catched her looking at me with one eye open. I was too anxious to touch her so I just went to bed.
I recently texted her to start a conversation but she didn't bother to reply.
Yeah that's why I decided to post this thread, please help me I can't stop thinking about her.
What do I do now? Is she interested in me? Is she really sexually attracted to me or am I just reading her signals wrong? Should I tell her about my feelings?